Summer's Point of View
"How's Fiona when I got unconscious, did she have a panic attack?" I worriedly ask while at the counter table watching him cook pasta. This has been my comfort food but it is the first time someone cooked it for me other than myself.
I saw in my vision that Kyle stood up and went near us, wanting to join the conversation. I saw Fiona get a panic attack when she hear the news that our parents' died.
"Yes, she had a panic attack and we need to comfort her. I think she still cares for you though she acts not" Jake said. I saw Kyle nod and smile at me.
"Kyle, protect Fiona in every way. Don't hurt her" I said and he was so shocked by it. I heard Jake laughed like he already knew things.
"How? How do you know?" Kyle stutters saying that. I laughed at the thought of Fiona still not knowing Kyle's feelings when it was so obvious.
"What? It was so obvious to you, duh" I said and that's when Jake laughed hard.
"Summer, he's trying to move on from your younger sister because he got rejected and even got a friend zone" Jake explains. That explains everything.
"What about him, Summer? Do you like him?" Kyle said. I glanced at Jake and saw him glaring at his twin brother. I want to tease him, but I'm also going to tell the truth. Nothing but the truth.
"No, we're just friends" I said and smiled at Jake who happens to also smile when he sees me. Inside he was fuming mad, I just knew it.
"Bro, friend zone like me" Kyle teases.
"We're just the same, fuck off" Jake said and even jokingly throw water on Kyle because he was done and just washing his hands off. I quickly get plates for the serving of the pasta.
I see them mocking each other and just laughing off it. I felt envious, thinking of when we're the time that I would see Fiona mocking and joking with me. I think this is why Fiona seems so comfortable with them.
"Pasta's ready. Let's eat guys" I said and served the pasta to them. They sat down and even act like they are gentlemen who came from rich family that has etiquette when it comes to eating.
"Pretentious" I said and after that we ate our own pastas. After that I quickly clean and wash the dishes. They helped me too but I insist on washing the dishes as they help me too much.
"Kyle would be here for today, going to protect you. So don't worry and if you need anything just call Kyle. I'm going to head off" Jake said. Then when he got off, Kyle quickly said something.
"My mom just didn't trust him that much in protecting you" Then he laughed it off.
I told him that I would be in my bedroom to rest and now I'm here lying in my bed. Thinking of the things that Jake and I share. It was the most genuine and it felt weird. It just felt weird because it was my first time experiencing that. Yup, that's just it.
"It's still weird. I still think of him and his look. He looks like my ideal type and the attitude that I was praying and begging to God for a long time" I said my thoughts out loud that I got scared Kyle might hear me. He might tease me if it was revealed.
But I was also scared by these feelings. There's still fear that I might lose someone in the way and I might lose him eventually. That absolutely scares me. Just by thinking that I might get the blame on it again and that it might take years or even forever to feel these feelings again.
"I'm scared" I said and stood up. After I stood up, I kneeled and prayed. I prayed to him, I prayed that things would go along and i won't hate it in the near future. That it wouldn't go as I think.
I woke up from the scream. It was high-pitched. Then there I saw Fiona having a panic attack so I immediately went on her way. After she saw me alive and kicking, she stormed out of the room. There I saw Jake and Kyle look like they ran upstairs as fast as they could.
I ran where Fiona was heading. She was heading to the kitchen. I saw her getting calm down by the sound of the water dropping. I felt bad, I really do. It was my fault she was experiencing this kind of emotion. I was the one who was to blame in this one.
"I'm so sorry, I really do," I said.
"No! No you weren't! Do you know what?! Because ever since we we're young you are the one that needed to be understood! You were the one who always makes our parents cry! You were the one that deserves this misery! You are the only one who deserves to die! But why?! Why does every time I look at you being like that, I also panic!" She shouted.
I was okay with that. I was okay with the pain but when I saw Fiona bear the pain, it wasn't okay. She truly didn't deserve any pain. She didn't do anything, she isn't the one who is to blame and it isn't her fault.
"I'm really sorry, I'm really really sorry for the things that you need to bear" I said and kneel down for her. I was immediately stopped by Jake and accompanied me to my bedroom.
I just sob and cried harder. I don't deserve any happiness, I never will deserve anything because the ones that's special for me are hurting because of me.
"What if I just die?" I said stuttering. "It was my fault, I was the one to blame for everything" I added. He caressed my face and combed my hair.
"Shush, it wasn't your fault. It would never be your fault. It was a natural process to die. No one wants it but we would have our deadline. We would all die at the same time. So it would never be your fault and no one is to blame for what happened on that moment, on that day" He said and even made a genuine face to make me cry harder.
What did I do to deserve this? To deserve this precious person that would advise me and make me feel like I deserve things like this for once?
All my life, no one has said it to me. All my life, people blame me for everything. People say that it was my fault for the things that happened that I grew up thinking that way. That I forsaken myself and hate myself so much.
"Why are you so kind? Do I deserve it?" I said.
"Yes, you truly deserve it. Everyone does. You just think that way and hate your own self because people told you too. What was your age when that happened? Prolly a child. It wasn't your fault and it never" He said.
It made me think. I was really a child back then, I don't know things, I just want to enjoy my life and be happy after school. But after that i don't want to enjoy my life thinking that if i enjoy it too much something bad will happen. That i was bound to be lonely and alone all times.
"I was thirteen that time. I over enjoyed myself at the park swinging myself too much and, and then I got hurt. It hurt badly that I got admitted to the hospital. My parents went there as soon as possible, but they got into a car crash and they didn't survive there" I said. It was kept inside me. I never want to tell everyone what happened because they would already judge me. They would already have their own thoughts and hate about me.
"See? Your parents are just worried for you. If they see you like this and I know they've already seen it. They would badly be hurt, knowing that their child has gotten through worse. Your parents didn't blame you for what happened, they wouldn't. I promise to you, "he said.
I hugged him. This man was truly making me feel alive by his words, by how he comforts me and all. He was the only one who would pick on tons of people who stared at me. That he would be the one who would greet me with a warm hug and won't judge me.
"Thank you, I always do. I owe you a lot, if it weren't for you I wouldn't feel this way so thank you" I said as I stared at him. There were butterflies that was wondering around my stomach.