Summer's Point of View
On the following days of my life, I was always at the hospital to get the medical exam that was advised by the doctor. And when I went home, I searched for my paediatrician because I have unaccomplished medication when they had my health report.
"You've been busy these days according to Fiona. Fiona never get an excuse from you" Jake said when he spotted me doing my routine now, to water the plants.
"Our mom cooked soup, she said it was your favourite one and you really need this. It was a bit weird so can you explain something?" Kyle added. I glanced at them and stopped what I'm doing.
It would just be the last time that I would interact with them and it's because of the soup. I'm just going to have a small conversation to explain something because I don't want them to be left with questions. They need an explanation on why I don't interact with them anymore.
Fiona leaves early in the morning at the house, without saying anything to me. I was also doing it so it makes me wonder.
I opened the gate and let them enter. I saw the excitement in Kyle's eyes as he was the only one I could share contact with. I'm still sorry and embarrassed with Jake because it looks like I left him hanged.
"What's up with your life, Summer? Fiona said that you've got yourself a boyfriend, that's why you always leave the house?" Kyle asked. If only they know.
"No, I was just running errands that are given to me by Aunt Sonia" I said and smiled at him.
"I was still mad at you, why would you suddenly decide not to talk with us and suddenly you're now talking" He said.
"This would be the last time that I would talk to the both of you" I said suspensefully. As i don't want you guys to be hurt at the future when I don't know what my future is.
"As there are reasons why I don't talk with people. You guys would meddle and meddle on the complicated situation and I hated it to the core" I explained. They look taken aback by my harsh statement but this was needed.
I need them to hate me just like Fiona so they won't get attached to me and be hurt. I don't really know if i still have days, weeks or months remaining since I have illness.
"Ms. Quinselt, I'm really really sorry but you have a terminal illness called Metastatic Cancer. We see that the cancer has already spread out to your body as they weren't getting medicare as soon as possible. You should find your paediatrician and have some talk with it" the doctor explains.
"So how long am I gonna live if it was a terminal illness?" I said.
Terminal illness is a type of illness where there is no cure at all. You just need to wait until your time is up. It is expected to result in the death of the patient. And I have one.
"We would still examine your medical exam so we would know the results. But it looks like it is worse but now i still won't decide on the end of your life span" that was his last explanation before guiding me through the outside.
By now, I should get the results of my life span. They would just send a letter because that is what they do.
"Uh, wait a minute everyone. I got a call, I would just go outside" Kyle said and immediately went outside. So Jake and I were left, awkwardly in the house.
"I don't believe your harsh words," Jake said. I choked on what I'm eating so he immediately went to get water. He gave it to me and even tapped my back. When he does that I puke some water with blood.
"Are you nuts? You know that I was drinking water?!" I shouted at him, to hide my fear of getting caught.
"I'm sorry, but it was just a tiny tap," He explains. He looks like a child getting scolded by his mother.
"You shouldn't do that next time. You could kill me,god" I said. I couldn't even move myself, I'm scared that if i went to get tissue, he would know.
He noticed that I was eyeing the tissue so he got me enough tissue to clean the mess. I quickly cleaned it and was anxious so I looked at him a few times. God, I look like a bad actress in movie or series.
"Are you done now? We really need to talk about it, "he said. He wasn't really done about that topic, just great.
"What do we need to talk about, huh? Isn't it clear for you what i said? Do you lack comprehension?" I asked. He deeply sighed, getting frustrated now.
"Do you know how it feels to be left hanging? Like do you somehow think of what I feel when you just left me nowhere full of questions? I was frustrated to get answers! I was like why she suddenly didn't talk to me anymore? Why has she suddenly decided not to talk since that happened? I want to know what happened to you on that day! I want to at least know what has happened!" He exclaims.
"Do you really want to know why? I was mentally ill, I have depression! I have a lot of thoughts inside my head thinking things like I don't deserve it! I don't deserve to be happy! That I was scared of hurting you because I am like this! You would eventually get tired of it at the time being!" I also exclaim.
"But I like you. I'm attracted to you and even me I don't know why" He said and cried. Liking was never enough, it was never a foundation for my thoughts but I somehow felt relieved.
"I also got that feeling! But do you think that would last long? I think it wouldn't, we would eventually be tired and sick of each other and we wouldn't like each other at that point" I said to him also crying.
"But there's a lot of people risking it, there's a lot of people trying it even if they are afraid. It would be just like riding a bike. We don't get the balance on the first try but if we try and try then we would be able to get it" He said.
I caressed his face and went closer to him. I don't know why but I feel it, I want to be with him. I want to risk it and just be with him. I don't know why but I want to follow my heart even for just once.
"I'm sorry, I really do. I'm going to risk it even if I'm afraid. I want to follow what my heart says" I said. He looked directly in my eyes and it looks so happy about what he just heard.
"I'm going to show you differently. I would like to show you what you need and take care of you for forever. I promised myself that I wouldn't break the promise and wouldn't hurt you. I wouldn't get tired and sick of you but you also need to promise me, promise me that you would say your thoughts to me, out loud" He said and wiped my tears. I also wipe his tears.
"I'd promise to you. I'd absolutely say my perspective on you and you would also do the same" I said and brought my pinky finger to his pinky finger.
I would at least try it so i won't regret it at any chance. I'm sorry to him because I would really really hurt him. But at least we got good memories together that he and I would keep. I would really risk it for what my heart says.
"Summer, someone's calling you. I think you had a letter from someone" Kyle said when he went in the house. I just went to the bathroom without making eye contact with him. I think he got to witness our breakdown moment and that was so embarrassing.
I just remember that the letter was going to be my painful moment as I would know when I would die. I sighed deeply, getting ready to see it. There's no more fear, I would just accept things like this. My promise has already been broken as I would keep the illness from him. I don't want him to get hurt and would just make memories with him. I'm sorry.