I carried those cries until I was sent home. It just stopped when I received Blythe’s message. Telling me that we got our old house back and that they are on their way home. And it feels odd because I should be happy. So how come I’m still feeling it—this pain that seems to be killing me little by little?
We stopped at our old house, which surprised me because I didn’t tell him to drop me off at my old house. “Here.” Walden handed me a phone. I took the phone without asking.
“You know what I regret doing? I never should have asked you to be his personal maid; otherwise, you'll never have the same fate I had with your mother. I apologize, Gemma. You are a big part of why he changed and I am indebted for that,” King Lucien paused. “But I did what I promised. Now you can go back to your normal life, your life before you met each other, like strangers,”
Walden pointed out the window after the king hung up the phone. My father, who was waiting for me to get out of the car, was smiling from ear to ear. As soon as I got out, my feet ran toward my papa, and threw myself around him. “Papa!” I wailed as loudly as before as if new tears had gathered in my eyes.
I shed all the tears I haven't shed yet. which is why my body feels drained out all of a sudden. I used myself up too much. Do you know how they say that every father knows how their children feel? That same thing goes for my father, he knows I'm exhausted. Papa was ready to catch me.
"Papa's got you," he said as he carried me in his arms before my eyes went black.
“I’m scared,” Prince Augustus whispered as he was holding me by my waist and dancing with me under the rain. "That it might end the same way it did before. I am scared that I might not be chosen again... Promise me that if there’s no other option, you'll choose me. Choose me no matter what, and don’t ever disappear from my sight.”
I nodded.
Those memories woke me up in the middle of the night, causing me to wail silently as if there was no end to these tears. I should not nod at that time; I should just keep quiet instead.
Following a knock on the door, Mom's voice asked for permission if she could enter. She said nothing and offered to embrace me. “I didn’t tell you about him. How he used to be,"
“Papa?”
“No, Your Majesty. King Lucien,” she replied. “I remembered him being so rebellious, acting nothing like a prince, a troublemaker. Who would have thought the future ruler was watching me play? His dazzling green eyes, which glistened in the light, were the reason I froze in the middle of the stage. He was obsessed when I played, and I was obsessed with his eyes." The way she’s telling me her story as if she were back in time again made me realize how much my mother loves the king more than the king is in love with her.
While my head rests in her lap, mama moves her hand with gentle pressure over my hair, typically repeatedly.
“Would you believe I went to the palace? And there, I saw him for the first time in his royal suit. He didn't look like the Lucien I was in love with; he looked different. You know how foolish it was of me to expect him to extend his hand to me. I still remember how Lucien clenched his fist, keeping his eyes straight, and told me in front of everyone, including Elbereth, whom he intended to marry, that my music is awful and that I'm not worthy of his love," tears streamed down her cheeks. “I was in love, but I am not desperate."
After so many years of silence, Mama finally told me her side story, which she had never told once. Now I know the reason behind the violin. He gave her the violin, which was also why it was hidden in the dark, leaving it unused and broken.
I wrapped my arms around her waist. I’m sorry for hating you, mama. They are wrong for saying we are the same, that our fate is the same because we are not. I’m far from you. You didn’t leave King Lucien while I gave up on Augustus.
Pretending that I was being myself was hard; there was a thing inside me that twinged. But this was the only way to cope with the guilt and pain.
I was the only one left at home, so there was no need to pretend. Mama and the two stubborn kids are in their school, while Papa and Kuya Samuel are back in the office, now that King Lucien has given back the company. Papa was ready to hand over the company to Kuya Samuel; by any chance, Kuya Samuel would be the first gay CEO, and he was proud of it. And I was sitting on the couch, zoning out for the whole morning. I didn’t know that I was going to say this, but I miss Borstal. I was not able to say goodbye to my club members, my friends, Emmet and Lincoln, and Miss Janna. And I think I will never have the chance to.
As I was looking outside the house, someone familiar showed up, and for a second, I thought I was just imagining things. Until I realized he wasn’t imagination, he was real. He’s Prince Augustus. I hurriedly went outside, throwing my arms around him. “Augustus…”
He put his hand on me and stroked it gently. My heart feels much lighter. “I’m not… I'm not Augustus," he says, and I realize with that voice that he isn't Augustus and that I'm imagining things.
I released myself from him. “Of course, you’re not... Forgive me, Prince Emmanuel," I said, forcing myself to smile.
“Are you disappointed that I was not him?” He knelt a little to reach me.
“No, not at all.” I grabbed his hand. “Do you want to come inside?”
“No,” I was about to pull him inside, but Prince Emmanuel stopped me by holding my head with his other hand. “There is something I need you to do. People in the Borstal didn’t stop bugging me about you, which is so annoying.”
Do they really think of me? I was happy for a second, but then I thought about the prince again. Is he one of them who thinks of me? Maybe not; he hates me.
“I was not doing this for their sake, it was for you. I know you want to say goodbye more than them,”
I glanced down.
“If you’re thinking about that he's gonna see you, you don’t have to. He’s not around the Borstal 'cause he quit school.”
Surprised by what he said, I lifted my head.
“He’s currently home-schooled. The media was around Borstal; they were all desperate to damage his image and were ready to expose him with his every move. There’s nothing he can do but lay low and hide from the world that he is used to.”
Knowing his situation feels like the guilt I am feeling will last forever.
"But I assume you don't want to go to Borstal, which I believe they will understand,"
“No, I want to.” This is the only chance to properly say goodbye to everybody. “But can you give me a minute, I need to get something inside.”
He nodded.
I was back with a big box in my hand. Prince Emmanuel carries it for me, putting it in the back seat. You knew he was Prince Emmanuel when he wouldn’t let the whole trip be silent. He made me forget the painful things and smile from ear to ear, but only for a short time. I'm back to being gloomy, Gemma, as soon as we arrive at the Borstal. Prince Emmanuel, let me step into school alone.
“Take your time to say goodbye, no need to rush. I’ll just be outside waiting.”