"What... did you just say?"
I bowed my head and I felt my burning cheeks. Damn, embarrassment.
"Vanez..." he held the both side of my arms.
I looked at him, too tired to fight."You know me. I'm not the type who loves to repeat words." I sighed.
Silence embraced us.
I heard him gasped from time to time, like he didn't expect those lines from me, like what I did is really unexpectedly. I played with my fingers. I can feel the continuous race of my beating heart. Like him, I can't believe it as well. I didn't expect I'll betrayed my own self and principles.
I can't believe the walls I have built would be that easy to break.
He climbed it... and then, broke it.
All the words I swore years ago seems blowing by the wind. But one thing's I'm sure, this isn't good. Not so good.
"Can you look at me?" It's almost a whisper.
He's still holding my arms. I took a deep sigh and closed my eyes firmly before I opened it and gazed directly into his.
"But I can deal with it. I'm so funny, right? Damn you for that! It's your fault! You shouldn't have do this to me! You shouldn't have approached me! Now, I'm getting attached again! The walls I built were now breaking! And yes, you're totally right. I'm damn scared. I'm so damn scared to feel this way again... I swore to myself I won't be able to bring myself into the same mess again. I won't be miserable again. I won't be weak again. I don't want to be weak for someone again!" I said fastly like I'm chasing something.
I was catching my breath after that.
He just watched me controlling my tears from falling. Hell yeah, I'm being emotional again. All the memories before flashed back in me. That young emotional and pathetic girl before, being a crybaby for a shallow thing... being stupid and easy to be fooled. That young girl who used to trust everyone with all her heart, never thought of the people who might tear her up.
I was looking at him tearfully."That's why I hate it! I hate this, Yukenzo! I hate you! I wanna hate you so bad! B-but I can't..." I looked up and blinked, trying to stop another tears from falling.
"You don't need to make it stop. You don't need to hate me that much, Vanez. I can always adjust. I know this is very fast... everything's seemed fast for you. Just tell me if you want this slow, I'll make it happen. I'm sorry for not being vocal. I know I'm making you confusing right now..."
"Not just now! These past damned days!" I pointed out. He nodded and sighed loudly."I used to love someone before... I used to give all my heart... all my love for a certain person and yet, he still left. He chose to walk out my life, he didn't stay and I'm wrecked. Big time." I gave him a weak smirk.
His face softened. His hands were now down on my hands."Is that your ex-boyfriend you're talking about?" He asked.
I nod my head and continued staring at his face.
"It's hard to make a move again. Because one wrong move, I'm in danger. That's what I'm feeling every time and any time." I smiled bitterly.
His forehead creased."How about me? I'm willing to take the risk, Arnaez."
My eyes widened at its best.
"Are you kidding me? You don't mean that! You're probably joking, Yukenzo." I laughed sarcastically.
"Fortunately, I'm not." His stares became serious.
My chest hammered."That's absurd! You just told me you like me! Infatuation like that won't put such effort to take the risk! I fell, yes! But don't worry, I won't fall hard! Okay? I'm such a loser, right? Fuck, I'm so confident before..." I moved my gaze away and gulped."Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure this won't go any further. This should be ended." My fists tightened.
My breath hitched when he held my arms, tightly. I saw the frustration on his face.
"No, I won't let you. You can't do that. I'm aware about the trauma you experienced from your first relationship... I'm also aware about your family issues because I'm always asking Rocelia the informations I want to know about you everytime you don't want to speak it up with me. I'm aware about all your issues and insecurities..."
I focused my eyes on his face and there, I realized he got the good looks. I can clearly see the bags under his chinky eyes and his nose... they were pointed and aristocratic, including his jaw that looks clean and harmless. His allover features screams softness and innocence.
That's what he is for me. Looking innocent yet cold and dangerous. I don't know why that's what I feel about him.
"But you just said you only like me..." I whispered, starting to get distracted.
He tilted his head."I don't remember I said the word 'only'." He emphasized. I nearly gasped when I realized he's staring at my face for too long."I professed I like you... but I never said it won't cross any line. I like you not until I saw your jealous face... and then, you just admitted that you're inlove with me. Do you think my heart can still calm?"
My face heated."I'm not jealous! What the fuck, Yukenzo?!" My voice almost terrified.
He let out a soft laugh but never let go off my hands.
"I know you are. You just love denying it. Hmm, what should I do to that bad lips of yours, by the way?"
I'm wide-eyed and my body get alarmed when his eyes moved down my lips. Fuck! This isn't happening! This is just a dream! I need to wake up!
But all my thoughts flew away the moment his lips touched mine. My upper nose felt the tip of his glasses, I'm so much of a wide-eyed while his were firmly closed. I'm stilled and never dared to move even a single inch.
This isn't a dream... This is fucking real. He's really kissing me. I'm not dreaming, this is truly happening. Oh my God.
I'm fucked up, I know. Most especially the moment my eyes gave in itself and let the unfamiliar feeling bring me to the clouds.
He finally let go while I'm left, processing everything. He cupped my face and our forehead touched. I can feel the warmth of his palms on my skin. I unconsciously smiled. Damn it. I'm really doomed.
"You're the bad girl who's always worth fighting for..." he whispered.
Shit! What is he doing to me? He don't know what he's doing to me!
"You're so cheesy..." the only words I can say.
He chuckled softly and pulled me for a hug. I let him then, and I let myself get drowned  with his baby oil scent.
"Hmm. I just noticed... you're blooming today! You looked in love!"
I turned to Lia, she's smirking all the way. I just shook my head but smile didn't leave my face.
"Oh my shit! I knew it! I knew it! Ah, finally! My bestfriend is freaking inlove!" She shouted that caught too much attention.
"Lia, stop it..."
She still has this teasing smile."I'm so happy for you, love!" She hugged me tight.
My smiled widened."Thank you. I'm happy for you, too. How's you and Vencie?" I asked and pulled out from the hug.
"Oh no, don't divert the topic on me!" She exasperatedly rolled her eyes.
We laughed together and headed towards the cafeteria.
But our laughs immediately faded upon seeing who's sitting on our favorite seat. Yukenzo and Vencie are there, with Azelyn who's beside Yuki. She's even resting her head on his shoulder.
"Uh-oh. Just wanna tell you to be careful, alright? You know, there's so many snakes everywhere! Snakes sssssss!" Lia laughed and she went to the counter to order our food.
There's only few students here and the others are at the hall for the graduation rehearsal. Today is our last day doing it and the next week would be our graduation, finally.
I'm emotionless as I walked to our seat. Shock was evident on their face after seeing me. I gave them a not so good smile and sat beside Yukenzo who stiffened for a moment.
"Am I missing something here?" I raised my brow but my eyes were focused on the girl beside him.
"I'll just talk to you later, Yuki. Please?" She threw me a glare before looking at him, pleading.
What the hell is happening?
"Azel, please, stop it. We're going to graduate days from now..."
"That's my point!" We almost jumped when she shouted."But nevermind. I'm not going to move forward without you on my side, Yuki. Because it should be me in the first place, not her. It should be always me." She shook her head disappointingly.
She stood up and left us three.