Maya ran her hand across the closet andhesitated. None of the dresses seemed suitable for church. Sighing, she grabbed a black gown, one of the numerous presents from Chief Waju, but decided against it. The long slit in front of the gown revealed her shapely legs and parts of her thighs, and the tiny spaghetti sleeves showed a huge chunk of her chocolate-colored skin and breasts. She ransacked the wardrobe, shocked to discover that all her clothes were either too short or too revealing, and not suitable for church.
After changing thrice, she chose a sky-blue mini gown, and together with a matching bag, a white hat, and white designer’s shoes, she felt satisfied. She pulled out the drawer, scooped crisp, minty fresh 1000-naira notes, and stuck them into her handbag.
For weeks, she had avoided going to church. She was still nursing a large size grudge against God for allowing Tony and his friends to rip her holiest of traits from her, knowing she went to the party with the intention of inspiring and sharing the word with him. She felt betrayed and vowed to live the worst of her life from then on, and avoiding church was an easy decision to take, since Jeff, the only man she truly cared for graduated months ago. The pressure of trying to impress anyone was no longer there.
“Shalom, Sister.”
She looked up; it was the girl she once tried to convert. “Hi Brianna, how are you?”
The girl prostrated. “I’m good. We are just in time for Sunday school.”
“Yes. Thank God for that.”
The moment she stepped into the church, all eyes turned on her. She could seethe expression on their faces change from amazement to shock, and nearly to loathing, but she did not give a damn. As she made for her Sunday school class, Pastor Robert, the assistant pastor stopped her.
“Bless you, Sister Maya. It’s good to see you again.”
She blushed. “Thank you.”
“Em…em,” the Pastor stammered, “Sister, you see …but, I don’t…know. Can I… can I have a minute of your time in my office, please?”
She followed him into the office.
Once inside the office, the Pastor said. “There’s something I’d like to discuss with you, but first, let us pray.”
She bowed her head.
“Father, we thank thee. We bless your holy name. Father, we would like to know, do you direct the way we dress? Dear God, does the way we dress matter to you?” He paused and waited as if waiting for an answer. “Thank you, Lord Jesus, for answered prayers, amen.”
She sensed trouble.
“Do you have your Bible with you?”
“Sure.” She opened her handbag and fresh, crispy notes stared at her, but no Bible.
“Maybe you’ll listen while I read from mine. You can copy it down and study it later.”
 She nodded. She was too dumb to talk.
“I’m reading from 2Corinthians 3:2. It says: ‘Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men’,” he looked up. “You heard it straight from God. You see, we are a word church. People watch what we do, say or wear and even the places we go to. They monitor us and whatever we do sends a signal across, either good or bad.
She scratched her hair. “Are you…are you saying…?”
He looked at her directly. “I am not saying anything. But …just look at what you are wearing, for example. It is not good for church. Agreed, we may have a right to wear whatever we like but you should remember that the world is watching. I suggest you go home and change into something better.”
She jumped to her feet, her eyes full of fury. “Oh, so you are not only going to check on me alone, but you are going to dictate what I wear? Well, am not going anywhere and I’ll wear whatever I like to church, and nobody, not even you can stop me.”
“Don’t say such things, Sister. I’m only trying to help.”
“To hell with your help,” she cried as she stormed out of the office.
Straight, she ran into the church and sat in the front pew like a little sex goddess, damning the consequences.
“Oh, my God! Mommy, did you see what she’s wearing?” the little girl sitting behind her whispered to her mom.
“Not everyone that comes to church is born again. Some are agents of Satan.”
“Do you mean she is a devil, mom?”
“Isn’t it obvious from her dressing?”
She shot the woman a look. The woman glared back. Just then she realized the dress was not suitable for church. It wasseveral inches above her knees and the upper part exposed parts of her breasts. She pulled her dress down to cover her exposed legs, but it seemed the dress was afraid of going down. So, she gave up trying. Instead, she brought out her handkerchief and placed it over her exposed legs. The upper part of the dress was even worse. The spaghetti sleeves exposed almost all her upper parts and full-blown breasts. She wished she did not come to church at all.
As the service progressed, she began to relax, and during the praise and worship session, she let herself flow with the rest of the church as she poured her heart out to God in worship. It felt good to be in the presence of the lord.
“Let every living thing that has breath praise the lord,” the pastor said as he climbed the pulpit.
“Halleluiah,” the church bellowed.
“It feels good to be in the presence of the lord.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Last Sunday, we discussed some of the features of the end-time church,” the pastor started. “Today, we’ll conclude, and if time permits, we might venture into the next …” hetrailed off as his eyes caught Maya’s exposed breasts and legs. For a minute or so, he could not speak. The exposed breasts and laps hypnotized him and knocked the living daylights out of his brain.
Maya shifted uneasily and tried to avoid eye contact.
“We are a word church,” he said and scratched his hair. “We watch what we do or say and don’t just condone any act of irresponsibility. And because we are disciplined disciples of Christ, we don’t just do anything we want because the world is watching. You may not know it, but the truth is your lifestyle is the world’s Bible. That means the world sees Christ through you,” he coughed lightly. “And that’s why we are careful only to follow in His steps. But, if you think you can do whatever you like or wear whatever you like to church, like this sister sitting here,” he pointed at Maya. “You are mistaken because we are not going to tolerate that.” He was now standing before her and she felt a thousand pair of eyes bore through her. “Sister, can you please stand up and explain to the church why you decided to come to the house of God dressed almost half naked.”
Her heart began to beat faster and her mouth turned dry. “I …I …”
“Yes, I’m talking to you, sister. Yes, you. Stand up,” he ordered. “Yes, stand up and tell the church why you came in here dressed like this.”
Murmuring filled the church.
She sucked in breath and cast a furtive look around the crowded church and a thousand pair of eyes filled with hatred and loathing stared back at her. She stood to her feet. She had never felt so foolish or so publicly embarrassed in her entire life and she vowed never to set foot in a church again. Never!
She bent her head low, shivering with anger and shame. From the corners of her eyes, she saw two ushers walking slowly towards her. They were coming to throw her out.
“Come on, the church is waiting.”
She took a deep breath. “Good morning, church, em…em, I mean, praise God I…I …,” she paused and listened. Nothing happened. “I…I,” she paused and listened again. Nothing! Only silence met her dazed ears. “He …he is only jealous because… because he …he asked me out and I…I refused,” she trailed off.
“Eh yah o!” the murmuring increased.
In the confusion that ensued, she picked up her handbagand stormed out of the church, leaving the congregation starring after her disappearing figure like a miracle, wondering, and divided.
Everybody was talking at the same time. “Damn it,” cried one old man. “That’s some telling off.”
“Good riddance to bad rubbish,” another cried. “Imagine coming to church dressed like that. Does anyone think here is a nightclub?”
“That’s not cool if you ask me,” another said.
“I don’t really fancy her dressing, but the pastor should have applied wisdom and diplomacy,” said the girl who sat behind her.
“She deserves what she got,” the girl’s mother snapped.
“Yes, but the Pastor shouldn’t have embarrassed her publicly. Do you know this could be the final nail in her coffin?” said the man sitting next to them. “We may have sent her permanently to the road of hell and perpetual destruction.”
Instead of going back to the new apartment Chief recently rented for her or to the hostel, she had gone straight to Cynthia’s lodge off campus. Luckily, Cynthia was at home. She collapsed on the bed and passed out.
“What’s wrong, baby? Chief ditched you, that old cow?”
“No.”
“Is it Bob then?”
“No.”
“Ok, your H. O. D, he’s at it again?”
“No.”
Cynthia frowned. “Then, it’s Jeff?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “No.”
“Then what? Talk, baby, talk.”
“Cynthia, you can’t believe this,” she sobbed.
“Try me, what is it?”
“I …I…was …was asked…out of the church, no, driven out. No, let me see, thrown out, yes, thrown out is the right word. I was thrown out of church today.”
“What do you mean by thrown out? I mean, driven out. How? Where? When and why?” Cynthia was getting more confused. “What happened?”
She told her everything that happened without leaving a thing out.
“I can’t take that shit from anybody. In fact, that is why I don’t even bother to go to church.”
“Pastor Set hates me, I don’t know why,” she moaned. “He is always complaining, always picking one bone or the other with me, and behaving as if he is the only righteous man on earth.”
“You nailed it, baby. They are only interested in making you look stupid, foolish,or inadequate. Well, they won’t ever see me in their church again.”
“Me too, I do not think I will ever set foot in a church again. Never! Not after this.”