I woke up early today to do the laundry for our dirty clothes, as well as some pieces that Ms. Teresa wasn't able to wash the other day. It's important to make sure the other children at the center have clean clothes to wear, as most of them only have a few outfits. The center doesn't have enough funds and relies on donations from the church and foundations. They prioritize funds for food and medicine for the children.
After having my coffee, I went to the back of the building where the laundry area is located. I still can't believe the happiness I felt on my 18th birthday, thanks to Among Jowie and the center staff who organized a special celebration for me. I made sure to express my gratitude multiple times, as this experience will always hold a special place in my heart. It wasn't just me who was happy; Oteph and the other children at the center were thrilled as well. Mama Flora mentioned that it was the first debut ever held at the center, so it was a lucky opportunity. Since we arrived at the center, I have seen the children's genuine smiles, which had been hidden for so long due to their difficult pasts. Last night, even if only for a short while, their hearts were filled with dreams of being princes and princesses again.
Gem's serious expression when he confessed his love for me keeps replaying in my mind. I can't help but feel guilty for not being able to reciprocate his feelings. Despite the happiness I felt last night, I struggled to sleep because of Gem's reaction when he left me in the middle of the hall after we danced together. He didn't approach me again and seemed to be avoiding me. He didn't even say goodbye after the program.
I started sorting through our dirty clothes, taking them out of the laundry basket one by one to rinse them at the faucet. Oteph was still asleep in our bed, likely exhausted from last night's festivities.
While going through the clothes, I noticed something sticking out of the pocket of my pants. It was a picture of my mother, tucked into Fr. Jowie's book. I had forgotten to return it to my godfather's book. I held the picture and looked at my mother's beautiful face. A sense of regret washed over me, wishing she was still alive and could have been with me at my debut. I missed hearing her say, "Oh, my little princess is all grown up." I wondered if our life with Oteph would be different if my mother hadn't passed away. Holding the slightly faded photo in my trembling hands, I wanted to remember her as I saw her in the picture – her beauty and her smile before she fell ill with cancer.
"Mother..." I whispered, tears streaming down my face. "I miss you so much," I added, gently kissing the photo of my mother.
I longed to confide in her, to share my feelings, problems, and moments when I wanted to give up. I wished she could be there when I came home, hugging me tightly to comfort me when I cried. She would shower me with kisses on my forehead and cheeks, and even try to cheer me up when I was feeling down. But now, would she still be able to hear me if I confided in her?
Releasing a heavy sigh, I wiped away my tears with my hand, careful not to let anyone, especially my brother, notice that I was crying. I turned the photo around to read what was written on the back, something I didn't have the chance to do yesterday because Among Jowie interrupted me. This is also why I slipped the photo into my pants pocket instead of returning it to the book. It seems I have another problem to solve – how to return it to him without causing any trouble.
I was amazed by how beautifully Mama had written on the back of her 4R-sized photo. It stirred up a mix of emotions within me. It wasn't just an ordinary picture of Mom; it was a glimpse into her past that I hadn't known about, right in front of me to witness.
I began reading every word she had written on the back of the photo, causing a slight shiver to run through my entire body.
Jowie,
Hey,
I can't find the right words to express what I'm feeling right now. You have been my closest friend. Through thick and thin, you have been by my side for such a long time, and I truly appreciate all the years we've spent together. Now, you're embarking on a journey to serve God, and you'll be leaving soon. Who am I to stand in the way of God's calling for you? I just want you to know how happy I am to see you achieve all your dreams. All I can say now is, best of luck and congratulations, by the way.
Still your best friend,
Luisa
I lost count of how many times I read the heartfelt letter Mama had written on the back of her photo. Even though it was written in English, I still sensed the sadness Mama must have felt knowing that she and Fr. Jowie would be separated. They had been best friends for such a long time, so it couldn't have been easy for Mama to be apart from him. It reminded me of Gem, my best friend for years. We have shared countless experiences, so I understand the emotions Mama must have felt as she penned that letter on the photo. But I also consider myself lucky to have a friend like Gem Ver.
+++++000+++++
I was in my room, staring at my phone. Omar still hadn't answered my call. I knew I had said things to him that I shouldn't have. He only cares about me, but I made things worse. Maybe I'll talk to him on Monday. I don't want us to avoid each other at work, especially in front of our colleagues and students. We're practically inseparable at school. He's right; I can be insensitive, especially since Sam left me—both in my words and actions.
I got up from the bed and made the decision to step out of my room. I needed to keep myself occupied and try to forget, even if it were just a little bit. Everything in my room reminded me of Sam. She had been the one to decorate it. Most of our pictures together were still displayed on top of the cabinet and my study table. She had given me almost all the clothes I wear. How can I move forward with all these reminders? I need to take a deep breath and start a new life without Sam. I have to learn to live without her and become accustomed to it. Maybe, even though we were together for four years, I still didn't truly know her. I need to remove anything that brings her to mind. If she could let go of our relationship so easily, then I can do the same. My world won't stop just because of her.
I walked out of my room and saw my mother busy cooking in the kitchen. It was a Saturday morning, and I couldn't help but notice that my two younger sisters were nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, my older brother was out playing basketball with his friends. As I descended the stairs, my footsteps alerted my mother, who turned towards me with a warm smile.
"Son, just in time! I've prepared your breakfast. Come and enjoy the hot fried rice and freshly fried milkfish from Dagupan," my mother kindly invited me.
I had been feeling hungry for a while, so the timing was perfect. The aroma of the fried rice made my mouth water, and I eagerly sat down to eat.
"Where are my sisters?" I asked, curious about their whereabouts. "Have they already had breakfast?"
"Oh, yes. They have already eaten. They mentioned last night that they were going to City Mall today with your cousins and Aunt Alegria. They just left and said they will be back later after watching a movie," my mother informed me.
I smiled and began enjoying my breakfast. The food was laid out nicely, so I quickly made my plate and wiped the utensils with a tissue I found on the table.
"I'm also planning to go to the mall later. Would you like to come with me?" I asked my mother, extending an invitation.
"Oh, I would love to, Walter. That sounds like a wonderful idea," she replied, her wrinkled face lighting up with happiness.
I responded with a smile, knowing that she was glad I wouldn't be isolating myself in my room anymore. I had promised her the previous night, and she believed in me. Though she hadn't been asking if I was okay, I could tell she was being cautious not to say anything that would remind me of Sam.
I reached for the bowl of hot fried rice, following my mother's suggestion. I added a fried egg and half of the milkfish to my plate. I poured a bit of spicy vinegar into a small dish for dipping the milkfish.
"Mom, I think it's time to redecorate my room and make some changes," I mentioned before taking a bite of the rice and egg.
"Yes, I understand, son. That could be a good idea. I'll be there with you as we go to the mall later," my mom responded, approaching me swiftly. She gently squeezed my shoulder and planted a kiss on my cheek.
"I'm doing okay now, Mom. Please don't worry about me anymore. I just want to apologize for acting thoughtlessly and being naive in the past few days."
"No, Walter, you don't need to apologize. None of us wanted this to happen, and we all understand you—your siblings and I. There's no need for you to feel guilty. It's our responsibility to support and understand each other. Don't say sorry, my dear," my mom explained, embracing me from behind.
I fought back tears, not wanting to cause further pain to my mom and siblings. I also didn't want my dad to cut short his time in America because of me. I needed to be strong now and move forward.
"Maybe we should hire another house helper, Mom. It's my fault that Manang left," I suggested. My mom was getting older, and it wasn't fair for her to be serving us. She released our embrace and returned to the kitchen.
"Perhaps we don't need one anymore, especially since your siblings are helping me," she replied while continuing to cook.
"No, Mom, I insist. I'll be the one to pay for it, considering it's my fault we lost our house helper," I persisted.
"Alright, if it makes you happy, go ahead," my mom agreed with a smile. "Later, I'll reach out to my friends and see if they know someone we can hire," she added.
"Okay, Mom, just keep me updated," I agreed.
After breakfast, I gathered some empty boxes from the storage room and began collecting all the items related to Sam in my room. It was still painful to see those reminders, but I couldn't bring myself to throw everything away just yet. Instead, I decided to store them in the basement for now. When the time was right, I would have to let go—burn or dispose of anything that reminded me of Sam. It wouldn't be easy, but as they say, one step at a time.
Omar still hadn't returned my call. It was the first time he had ignored me for almost an entire day, and the guilt weighed heavily on me. He had always been there for me, from our high school days to becoming colleagues at the same school. Our bond was even stronger than the one I shared with my older brother, Caleb. Omar had proven to be a true friend on multiple occasions. He definitely didn't deserve the way I treated him last night.
After lunch, I invited my mom to join me for a shopping trip at the mall. She had a better sense of what we needed to revamp and freshen up my room. We also agreed to donate the clothes and other items Sam had given me to a charitable organization where my mom was a member. We may not be financially wealthy, but we are fortunate with my dad's good job in the US and my mom's successful business. That's why my mom often refuses the money I offer her from my teaching salary. I also try to save as much as I can.
I wasn't entirely sure if what I was doing was the right way to move on and forget Sam. I had grown tired of crying, especially after hearing that she was getting married to someone else. Those words felt like a dagger to my heart. Now, it was time to pick myself up and bid farewell to the old Walter. I was determined not to let myself be deceived again when it came to love. It was time to welcome the new Walter, ready to move forward and leave Sam behind.