"Leaving and cleaving belong together, one describe more the public and legal aspect of marriage, the other more the personal aspect, they are intertwined, you can not really cleave unless you have left, you can not really leave unless you have decided to cleave.
"The literal sense of the Hebrew words for  "to cleave" is to stick to, or to be glued to a person, the husband and wife are glued together like two pieces of paper, if you try to separate two pieces of paper which are glued together, you tear them both, if you try to separate husband and wife who cleave together, both are hurt _and in those cases where they have children, the children as well, divorce mean to take a saw and to saw apart each child, from head to toe, right through the middle."
A dead silence fell upon the audience.
"Another consequences of this being glued together is that husband and wife are closest to each other, closer than to anything else and to any one else in the world.
"Closer than to anything else, it is more important than the husband work or profession, more important than the wife house cleaning and cooking, or supposing she works than her profession.
"Closer than to anyone else, it is more important than the husband friends or the wife friends more important than visitor and guests even more important than the children.
"When I come home from a trip, I always make it a point to embrace my wife first, before embracing my children, I want to show the children also in this way that father is closest to mother and mother is closest to father.
"Very often adultery occurs in a young marriage after the first baby is born, why? the young wife make the mistake of becoming closer to her baby than to her husband, the baby becomes the center of her life, which makes the husband feel like an outsider."
From the men said at least came nodding smiles, showing that they were whole heatedly in agreement.
' "To cleave" in this deep sense, I continued,  "being glued together, is of course, only possible between two persons, our Bible verse is an uncompromising attack on all polygamy, it states ,  "Therefore a man ... cleaves to his wife".
 "This verse also strikes out against divorce which makes a successive polygamy possible, where one man does not have several wives at the same time, but one after the other.
"Perhaps we would use another word today in place of "to cleave", the verb  "to love", for example, but it is interesting that the bible does not use this kind of word here, cleaving means love, but love of a special kind, it is love which has made a decision and which is no longer a groping and seeking love,  love which cleaves is mature love, love which has decided to remain faithful _ faithful to one person _ and to share with this one person one whole life.
 "This lead us to the third part of our verse:
                       Becoming One Flesh
"This expression describe the physical aspect of marriage."
I remembered that Daniel had cautioned me to be careful about using the word 'sex'.
"This physical aspect is as essential for marriage as the legal and personal aspect, The physical union between husband and wife is as much within God will for marriage as is the leaving of the parents and the cleaving to each other.
"I know that some people are embarrassed to talk about the physical aspect of marriage, they feel that it is something unholy, maybe even indecent, something which has nothing to do with God, I would like to ask these people the same question which the apostle Paul asked the church in Corinth: "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the holy spirit?"and so we can talk about it, we must talk about it, even in church.
I might even ask: "Where else could we talk about it, reverently and respectful, if not in church?"
The silence continued. I realized that these thoughts were completely new for many.
"You say,  "It is against our Africa tradition to talk about the things of the body, these things are taboo for us."
"But it is very strange. If I talk to parents in Africa and advise them to teach their children these function of the body, they say, "European and America parents may be able to do that, because those things are more natural to them, for Africans this is impossible."  
However, when I talk to European and America parents, they say to me, "Mr  Trobisch, you lived too long in Africa, the people in Africa are closer to nature, they may be able to do this but for us it is impossible."
"It is my experience that the embarrassment is world wide, parents fine it difficult in the world over to give their own children proper education about the physical aspect of marriage, the reason is that it either been considered as something so holy that it can not even be pronounced -or so unholy that one is ashamed to mention it, the bible refutes both positions.
it says it belongs to God and therefore we can, we must talk about it, the physical union of husband and wife is as dear and as near to God as is their faithfulness and the legality of their marriage.
"Of course,  "to become one flesh"mean much more than just the physical union, it means that two person share everything they have, not only their bodies, not only their material possessions, but also their thinking and their feeling, their joy and their suffering their hope and their fears, their successes and their failure.
"To become one flesh"means that two person became completely one with body, soul and spirit and yet there remain two different persons , this is the innermost mystery of marriage, it is hard to understand, maybe we can not understand it at all, we can only experience it, I once saw it demonstrated in a unique way."