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Chapter 14: Conflicting Thoughts

The day stretched on endlessly, the weight of my thoughts growing heavier with every passing hour. I found myself lost in a whirlwind of overthinking, my mind consumed by doubts and uncertainties. My interactions with Jose replayed in my head like a broken record, and every smile, every shared moment, only served to fuel my confusion.
 
Sitting alone on a secluded bench behind a tree, I buried my face in my knees, trying to gather my jumbled emotions. The scenes of Jose and Betty laughing together haunted me, casting a shadow over the warmth I had felt during our time together. Was I just imagining a connection that wasn't there? Was I merely a younger sister figure to him, nothing more than an underclassman?
 
Betty's easy familiarity with Jose had set my insecurities ablaze. The memory of how he had left the gym with her without a second glance at me gnawed at my heart. It felt like a punch to my hopes, a reminder that whatever bond we had shared might be nothing more than a fleeting moment.
 
My friends were all busy with their own commitments, leaving me to wallow in my thoughts alone. I needed to sort through my feelings, to understand where I stood. I had to know if the connection I felt was reciprocated or if it was all just a figment of my imagination.
 
Unbeknownst to me, Nicolo had spotted me sitting there lost in my thoughts. Curiosity and a hint of concern drove him to approach me. Before I realized it, he had flicked my forehead to break through my reverie. Irritated, I told him to go away, not in the mood to engage in any of our usual banter. I buried my face back in my knees, desperate to sort through the emotional mess within me.
 
Nicolo, to my surprise, didn't leave. He sat beside me in silence, a departure from his usual demeanor. His quiet presence was unnerving, but I was too absorbed in my thoughts to pay much attention. It was only when he asked if I was okay that I looked up, his voice carrying a hint of genuine concern.
 
"You okay?" Nicolo's voice was surprisingly soft, lacking the usual bite that accompanied his words. His eyes held a level of sincerity that I hadn't seen from him before. It caught me off guard, making me pause in my thoughts.
 
In my frustrated state, I shot back, asking him why he cared. Nicolo's response was infuriatingly calm, asking why I was sulking in a corner. I rolled my eyes, accusing him of trying to get under my skin. Despite my irritation, I couldn't help but notice that he seemed different, almost... softer.
 
"Seriously, can't a guy be concerned?" Nicolo's tone held a touch of exasperation, though his eyes betrayed a genuine interest. It was as if a layer of his usual aloofness had peeled away, revealing something more human beneath.
 
I huffed, leaning my head back against the tree and sighing. "You're not usually this... civil."
 
A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Maybe I have my moments."
 
I regarded him skeptically. "Or maybe you're up to something."
 
He shrugged nonchalantly. "Believe what you want."
 
His response was frustratingly vague, yet there was a subtle sense of understanding in his expression. It was as if he recognized the turmoil within me and was choosing to engage in a conversation instead of just mocking me.
 
"Why are you here, anyway?" I finally asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
 
Nicolo's gaze flickered to mine, his demeanor surprisingly earnest. "I was passing by, saw you looking like you lost your way, and thought I'd check if you were okay."
 
I raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by his response. "You were concerned?"
 
Nicolo rolled his eyes, his signature sardonic edge making a brief appearance. "Don't make a big deal out of it. I'm not saying I care or anything. Just thought I'd offer my rare insight."
 
I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Rare insight, huh?"
 
He gave me a half-smile, a glimmer of warmth in his eyes. "Yeah, you know. I'm not always the ice-cold jerk you think I am."
 
I looked at him, really looked at him, and for a moment, it was as if I was seeing a different side of Nicolo – a side that I hadn't considered before.
 
"So," he said, breaking the brief silence, "are you gonna tell me why you're sulking, or am I just gonna have to keep guessing?"
 
I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I should open up to him. But there was something in his demeanor that made me feel oddly comfortable. Maybe it was the vulnerability he had shown by being here at all.
 
He asked again if I was alright, and this time, I hesitated before shaking my head no. It was like a dam had burst, and the words came tumbling out. I told him about my feelings, my doubts about Jose and Betty, the confusion that had been eating away at me.
 
"I mean, why wouldn't he be closer to her? They were student partners before, and she's a senior, just like him," I rambled, my frustration evident in my voice. "And I know he's friendly and all, but what if it's more than that? What if... what if he's interested in her?"
 
Nicolo remained surprisingly attentive, his eyes fixed on mine as I poured out my thoughts. "And then there's me," I continued, feeling a mix of embarrassment and vulnerability. "I'm just a freshman, and we've spent time together, but... what if he's just being nice? What if I'm reading too much into things?"
 
Nicolo's gaze softened, his expression more understanding than I had ever seen it. "Arya, look, I get that it's complicated. But you can't assume things without knowing the full story. You don't know what's really between them."
 
I let out a frustrated sigh, raking my fingers through my hair. "I know, I know. It's just... hard not to overthink everything."
 
He gave a wry smile. "Trust me, I know the feeling."
 
I turned to him, surprised by his admission. "You?"
 
He nodded, a hint of a distant look in his eyes. "Yeah. You see, sometimes things aren't what they seem on the surface. People have their reasons for acting the way they do."
 
I leaned my head back against the tree trunk, staring up at the leaves above. "I just wish I could understand those reasons."
 
Nicolo was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "You could always talk to him about it. Clear the air."
 
I shook my head. "I can't just bring this up out of nowhere. What if he thinks I'm being nosy or insecure?"
 
Nicolo's gaze met mine, his expression surprisingly earnest. "Arya, if he's really the kind of person you think he is, he'll appreciate your honesty. And if he's not, then maybe it's better to know sooner rather than later."
 
His words struck a chord within me, resonating with a truth I had been trying to avoid. Maybe it was time to gather the courage and have an open conversation with Jose. Maybe it was time to confront my doubts and fears head-on, just as Nicolo had advised me to do.
 
Nicolo acknowledged my feelings without judgment, his usually icy demeanor softened by understanding. He admitted that he was genuinely curious about what was bothering me. It was a side of him I hadn't seen before, a willingness to listen without provoking a fight.
 
As I spilled my thoughts, he simply sat there, absorbing my words. It was strange to confide in him, to share something so personal and vulnerable. But as I talked, I felt a strange sense of relief. It was as if by voicing my fears, they became a little less daunting.
 
Nicolo spoke, his voice calm and measured. "You must really like him, don't you?" It was a simple statement that held a world of meaning. I met his gaze and nodded, unable to deny the truth.
 
He continued, offering advice that I hadn't expected from him. He urged me not to give up so easily, to not let my doubts cloud my judgment. He reminded me that I didn't even know the nature of Jose's relationship with Betty, and that I shouldn't jump to conclusions.
 
"Look," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle, "you've already spent time with him, right? You've shared moments, conversations. Don't let your assumptions overshadow those experiences."
 
I looked at him, surprised by his genuine concern. "Why are you being so... understanding?"
 
Nicolo shrugged, a faint hint of a smile playing on his lips. "I guess I have my moments."
 
Despite the skepticism I usually felt toward him, I couldn't help but appreciate his sincerity in that moment. Maybe there was more to Nicolo Murillo than met the eye.
 
"Thanks," I mumbled, genuinely grateful for his words.
 
He nodded, pushing himself up from the bench. "Just remember, don't give up without a fight. And don't let your mind trick you into believing things that might not be true."
 
His words held a strange kind of wisdom, and despite his usual demeanor, I could see a different side of Nicolo. It was a reminder that people were complex, that there was more to him than met the eye. Maybe, just maybe, there was more to him than his cold exterior. And as I absorbed his advice, I found myself feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss my feelings for Jose.

Book Comment (60)

  • avatar
    RibeiroYasmin

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    17d

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    BnRafik

    good

    26d

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    EmmanHayie

    good novel...Im verry enjoy it

    24/09

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