Jin Sanscroft’s fingers ghosted through the fine velvet that the ribbon was made of as he admired it in the dim glow of the candlelight.
 
It was the shade of a rich, dark purple, glimmering so prettily as he turned it amongst his fingers this way and that–the color of royalty as one of his old tutors from the North had told him–soft and silky to the touch, rippling like molten lilac in his hand. He would have been so pleased at how well it turned out but…
 
He had missed Aria’s birthday.
 
But that’s okay, he thinks, trying to look on the bright side, looking over at the silver chest filled with books (mostly novels and collections of poetry he had bought that he knows she’ll like) sitting on the top of his bed in their home in the South, a fond smile tugging gently at the corner of his lips just at the thought of his friend.
 
He’s going to be home in a few days or so.
 
And then…
 
His friend can sulk and scold him then.
 
 
(And he wouldn’t mind, he’d let her have it.)
 
 
So…
 
… Why does he feel so uneasy?
 
 
 
. . .
 
 
 
“Your highness, please–”
 
“No.”
 
“With all due respect–”
 
And Aria was all but snarling, “I don’t care,”
 
How the hell did she ended up in this situation again?! And since when does her handmaiden question her orders like this and so blatantly? Does the sight of her blubbering face, so broken, so wretched…
 
Had Eden’s fear of her diminished just like that?!
 
 
Of what the answer could be, it only served to unnerve her even more. On second thought, the Princess didn’t really want to know.
 
“My mother may not be a royal doctor but she was a physician, milady,” Eden was telling her, desperation creeping up on her voice as she all but jogs a bit to catch up to Princess Aria’s pace in the west wing’s silent halls, “…she can surely know if something is wrong and while you may not like it, I believe it is going to be your best interest because… because t-there is a chance that…!” the handmaiden hurriedly clears her throat, obviously choking on the words, on what she was supposed to say, “You may still be hurt–”
 
“I said I DON’T CARE!”
 
Eden barely suppresses a groan.
 
Aria reluctantly turns to look at her.
 
Her handmaiden looks so dismayed…
 
And Aria’s heart, for some reason unknown to her, instantly churns in displeasure as she stares at the older woman, her… confidant.
 
Normally, the Princess wouldn’t care what anyone thinks of her (considering how terrible her image is–how could she, really? Jin’s opinion was the only opinion that personally mattered to her) but after everything that went up a few nights ago, she couldn’t find it in her to push the only person–the second–to hold and stay at her weakest.
 
It was mortifying and gratifying all at once.
 
And that jarred her.
 
 
“Eden,” the name easily slips at her tongue, “Please, just… drop it, okay? I know you mean well but I… I don’t want anyone else that isn’t you to know. I can’t.”
 
A myriad of emotions flashed through Eden’s rosy face… shock, remorse, Aria can easily pick up and the younger girl hurriedly looks away lest she’ll see the rest because her handmaiden looks so overwhelmed by mere words.
 
It looked like Eden was going to start crying again and God damn it, if the woman cries right now then she might end up bawling her eyes out too and they will never get anything done.
 
Her handmaiden murmurs: “…as you wish, milady.”
 
God, Eden sounds so resigned.
 
And it… it was just so pathetic.
 
Eden must think the Princess looks so pitiful now, so disappointingly weak–a wretched, lonely little girl who has the most awful luck to not only be born with such demonic features but also unlucky enough to let herself be violated and was too spineless to defend herself even properly–or something along the lines.
 
Not for the nth time, Aria can feel her temper flaring out the longer this goes on, she hates it. She hates the pity, the concerned stare, that… that wretched, sad look directed on her quit looking at me like that!
 
She wants… wants to… the sudden need to lash out was rearing its ugly head (there was a tempting voice, in the back of her mind, urging her to act on it) and she does just that as she aggressively rounds on her handmaiden and stood so close to Eden, never mind the height difference, that the older woman has no choice but to take a step back.
 
Red flickers at the edge of her vision.
 
“Enough of this!”
 
Eden blinks, confused, “…what?”
 
“Stop looking at me like that!” Aria began to pace, not wanting to look at the genuinely taken aback expression on her handmaiden’s face anymore as she angrily ran a hand on her hair, resisting the urge to tug at it too; “…quit acting as though you were the one who has been actually hurt! Just… JUST STOP TREATING ME AS THOUGH I’M MADE OF GLASS!”
 
Eden was still staring at her, mouth agape.
 
Wonderful, now the woman must be thinking that the Princess has truly lost it and that only serves to rile her up even more (because maybe that’s true) because she’s not insane, alright?!
 
Aria takes a short, calming breath.
 
Breathe in. Breathe out.
 
Her voice came out soft, controlled–
 
“Do you know why I do not want anyone to know? Why I kept my mouth shut after all this time when all I ever wanted to do was to scream?”
 
“Y… y-your highness–”
 
Eden’s voice was practically trembling with grief and the corner of Aria’s eyes stung with the beginning of tears.
 
But she hurriedly blinked them away before they could even appear as she forces herself to look at Eden in the eye head-on, she can hear her voice was still coming out slow but steady and at the same time, it feels like she was slowly being submerged into an ice-cold water:
 
“No, it is not only because I did not want anyone to even have the slightest idea that I could not even properly defend myself despite the fact that I am armed with the knowledge of self-defense, but it was because I could not honestly stand seeing anyone look at me with pity… the same damn thing I am seeing in your eyes right now BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! I HATE THAT LOOK!”
 
Eden flinched, “But I wasn’t–”
 
Liar, the voice sneers.
 
And Aria can feel her blood boil.
 
“Just forget it,” Aria can feel her arms hurting now… at how badly her fingers were clenched and digging so painfully at her own skin–since when had she crossed her arms? “Or so help me… Eden, can you please just stop?! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW!”
 
Eden looks so shaken.
 
Her handmaiden has always been an open book and had this been any other day before… it would have amused the Princess to no end at how easy it was to read the older woman but now it only served to infuriate her.
 
“Leave,” Aria seethes, turning away–
 
But a hand suddenly clamps down on her wrist.
 
The Princess flinched hard and the sudden instinct to rip that hand off of her jumps in the forefront of her mind as she hurriedly whirls around to do just that… only to come face to face (well… neck, because even Eden was unfairly taller than her) who was looking down at her worriedly but with an unrelenting grip on her.
 
“You… you’re not really angry at me, are you?” the older woman asks when the Princess only gaped at her, voice gentle but firm, even as Aria feels her entire body was slowly turning into a living statue as those bright, kind eyes bore down on her as though they can actually see past through her defenses, “You feel upset because of what happened and that’s okay, that’s good. Because if yelling at me makes you feel the slightest bit of better, then… that’s fine with me.”
 
Aria can feel her eyes stinging again.
 
When she says nothing, Eden sighs, pulling her closer.
 
“I don’t… I don’t pity you, your highness. I’m really sorry if you think that way or if I come across as that but believe me when I say that I don’t because the truth is… is that I’m furious that this even happened in the first place and I… I am frustrated right now especially because you wouldn’t even let me help you! You think I don’t really want to help you when all I is to tuck you in and let you get some rest,” Eden gently brushes some of the hair out of her eyes and Aria blinks, “But I know that even in sleep, you couldn’t get some rest. So go ahead, scream at me, because if letting all your anger out helps then good. I’d gladly have you angry than… than…”
 
And Aria knows, she absolutely knows that Eden was thinking about how she had broken apart on the eve of her birthday.
 
And it was just so laughably easy, so quick… for Aria to tell her everything when the woman who wasn’t supposed to care about her honestly sounded and even acted like she cared. Was Aria really that weak, that desperate to cry for help, for comfort–?
 
Her eyes hurt.
 
Aria lets out a tired, quiet groan as she forcefully presses her palm over her eyes until her wide-open gaze turns white then black.
 
…her eyes really hurt, damn it.
. . .
Returning to the North was a hassle (no thanks to the snowstorm) and Jin was most displeased when his expected few days somehow turns into a week.
 
He was anxious, he knows, as his foot jumped up and down with a rapid beat that even he doesn’t know while he sits and fidgets in the carriage–Stefan, who was sitting right beside him, keeps throwing him annoyed looks which were all pointedly ignored–the chest a bit heavy in his lap but he didn’t really mind.
 
This is the first time he has gone for long and so far away without seeing his friend, let alone hears anything from her.
 
Jin didn’t like it.
 
 
(The next time he gets out of the kingdom, he’s going to ask permission to have the Princess brought with him. Because come to think of it, Aria has never seen what the world was like past the Northern Kingdom, hasn’t seen a place without ice and snow.
 
Heck, Jin wouldn’t be really surprised if she doesn’t even know what a freaking ocean was supposed to look like–)
 
 
 
Stefan grunted, “Quit doing that, you brat.”
 
“You’re acting like a husband coming home late to an overbearing wife,” his father teased, nudging at Jin’s still furiously tapping foot with his own.
 
At that, Jin finally bursted out:
 
“I’m nervous okay?!” he all but screeched, “I told Aria–I mean her highness, the Princess–I said I’ll try to get back in time for her birthday, but I didn’t and now this happens–!”
 
Stefan groaned, “How is that our problem?!”
 
“Well, you asked!”
 
“No, I didn’t!”
 
Well… yes, Stefan didn’t, Jin bit his lip, stubbornly not wanting to admit the sudden slip of the tongue, “Did too!”
 
“Did not!”
 
“Did too!”
 
“I did not–!”
 
“LOSER SAYS WHAT!”
 
“What?!” Stefan screeched… paused, processing what Jin said after a second… and proceeds to smack his younger cousin upside the head.
 
“WHY THAT HURT, YOU–!”
 
Sir Edward frowned, “BOYS, ENOUGH!”
 
“…I can’t help it,” Jin mumbled, trying to still his foot all the while giving Sir Edward the stink eye never mind the way his face feels like it was on fire, “and… are you serious right now Father, husband and wife–what’s with that weird analogy?”
 
He shrugs, “I thought it fits.”
 
His stare flattens, “We’re friends.”
 
“That’s what I used to say when I met your mother.”
 
Stefan gave them both a glare, “Can you two please cut it out with the incessant chatter? It’s bad enough being stuck with this brat in here.”
 
Jin scowled at him, “You think I like being here?”
 
“No. And I don’t care.”
 
Jin almost stood up to smack him.
 
But the look on his father’s face tells him it’s not worth it. And he’s right–no matter how tempting it is to start a fist fight–Jin sulks and crosses his arm around the chest, burying his face in it…
 
What if Aria’s upset that he wasn’t there to celebrate her birthday? Granted, he did try to tell her that he might missed her birthday because he wasn’t sure how long he’s going to be away, but he’d still try to be there with her for her special day… but what if she was alone to celebrate it again–it’s not like the rest of the Kingdom really cares to celebrate the day of her birth considering the first queen had died shortly after.
 
Is she going to be mad at him for it?
 
No, Jin wants to chide himself for stressing himself over nothing, because even if Aria can be a brat sometimes she’s nothing but understanding.
 
Well, at least to him.
 
“…I miss her,” Jin mouthed the words silently to himself.