It is time. There are times when I have to deal with many terrible things. Right now I still can't believe some of the things that recently happened. Until I felt a little confused by all that, I just imagined there was one problem that was quite important. Not long after that, I felt something was wrong with me. At that time, I only relied on a few things that were in front of my eyes. I consider all this just a small problem. Nothing has changed. Everything is still the same as before. I am now starting to walk towards the place where I have to stand. Strangely, I felt like there was something wrong with me. Slowly I imagined someone coming in front of me and it turned out it was just my imagination. Nobody really cared and they just saw me as a failure. The thought kept coming up until I almost went crazy. Apart from that, I also remembered some things that man said. It was truly ridiculous how I could feel confident in what that person said. Since then, I've been wondering whether this had anything to do with Rivana's death. After I came out of the toilet and then walked back to the practice room, there I saw someone who was pregnant. I was shocked when I saw that face. The person quickly came to me while holding my arm. You're starting to feel bad. Not long after, this guy said some pretty strange things. As if what is happening now is not a big problem. Likewise, there are many things that make me wonder. My gaze seemed to be fixed on those blue eyes. I started to walk away and suddenly I felt uncomfortable. So after that person left, in my heart I felt bad. That person's words indicated that he wanted to ask me for help. But, I'm a little doubtful about that person. This time I tried to be calmer and now I'm back to training. Meanwhile, that person walked out of the training room with a slightly gloomy face. At that time there was another person who saw this person and with a look of surprise, that person just let it go. I'm now starting to think a little about what I said earlier, I'm holding myself back to remain relaxed even though the situation is now very bad. I just hope nothing bad happens again and that's what I want for now. Everything is just a path that I enjoy in this life. My view of other people has begun to change. I feel a lot disappointed. That's what dominates me now.
“You still training?” Ask someone who just came to me. That person was none other than the ballet trainee who had recently joined. He's the same age as me.
"Ah. Yes I am continuing my training.”
“That's good. I'm happy because I have friends. Usually I'm alone."
"Why?"
"Who knows. I think they're uncomfortable with me around. That's why I decided to just move here."
“I see. That must be very difficult.”
"You are right. For me there it was like being in hell."
"Hah?"
“I'm not exaggerating. Because I saw for myself how I was treated. This time I hope I will be fine. Even for a long time.”
“Then how about we go eat meat after we finish training?”
“Eh? Is that serious?”
"Yes. I won't lie.”
"Okay. I am coming along."
It turns out that no one is okay. Everyone is an expert at hiding something. When my eyes start to feel tired, sometimes I just ignore it and return to the small activities that I often do. I feel a little peaceful even though it's temporary, right now I'm just imagining how I would be up there. All these questions always arise and I can't predict clearly. I also had dark and very gloomy thoughts. Thoughts that will only damage the brain. After looking back, I was having a little trouble dealing with something. It felt like I was in a different world. When other people are engrossed in their own world, I'm the only one who doesn't enjoy it. It's quite a scary sight for someone like me. Never once have I seen such a beautiful light that took me into it. The melodious sounds are also becoming less and less and are no longer there. Even though I beg and want it, it feels impossible. When I have finished my training, now I invite Giovanni to go eat meat together. We walked towards the restaurant. The atmosphere of the busy streets is so interesting, it feels like it's really alive.
"Finally here," I muttered.
As soon as we entered this restaurant, it turned out that lots of people came. I almost had difficulty finding an empty seat. Not long after, one of the servers told us there was an empty table. We quickly got there. After this, I ordered meat along with the famous beer here. Giovanni also ordered the same menu as me. Maybe this is the first time I've gone out with someone other than Natalia. There was nothing strange, I just saw a smile that looked happy and that was clearly visible on Giovanni's face. After I think about it, it turns out this world isn't so bad after all. There are still many good people.
"Hey, how about the event you're going to?"
“Ah, I'll try it. It seemed like it was time for me to move on.”
"Yes. That's good. I support you too. I see you are much better than me. By the way, I also heard from the coach that apparently he really wanted you to come and not someone else. At first I was curious why the coach would say that to the organizers. Now I understand. It was indeed the right decision.”
“I don't understand what you're talking about.”
"Hah? No kidding?"
“I was joking. Of course I already knew that too. Now I'm thinking about what's next."
“Eh?”
Giovanni was probably surprised by my words. That's what I'm feeling right now. It's true that if it's just like this I won't be able to do anything and will just be a loser. But, if I take that chance I think I can turn things around, even if not by much. My head almost started to spin as soon as I started thinking. Not long after, the food we ordered arrived as did the drinks. I started to turn the conversation to this food. It seems that Giovanni also understands what I'm doing now. From the expression on Giovanni's face, he looked very happy when enjoying his food and beer. I got carried away too.