I already thought that actually all of this was just making me annoyed. After I think about it again, I don't think I can believe that it's all true. It's been a long time since I've been so annoyed with myself. I started like this because there were several things that felt stuck and they just kept coming to me non-stop. When I felt that there was actually something wrong with all of this, I promised myself to end it all. Without further ado, I saw some of the things I used to do through the videos I saved in the album. I can't understand why I would do something like this. I hoped to myself that there was something wrong with me and slowly I began to realize something very important. After that, I remembered a lot of things that actually made me feel that all this time it had been something that had turned out to be quite amazing. I remember many memories. I don't think I can believe it. At that time I also felt a little annoyed with myself because everything felt annoying. Now I am starting to understand the situation that is happening to me. I get annoyed and then don't anymore and just keep going like that. I also felt strange with myself and slowly I started to remember one thing for sure. Until that moment came, I felt a little useful and not long after that I came back with that feeling of not being okay. I feel more and more things that are very scary compared to what is in front of other people's eyes. Even though I see something that other people are currently feeling, I feel that it is actually not much different from what I felt before. These comparisons kept happening until I got a little fed up. Meanwhile, on the other hand, I also hope that I don't care too much about the bad experiences that have happened. When I look back, it wasn't actually a bad experience. I just overdid it and while that was happening I felt like there was something wrong with everything and it turned out that it was actually adding to my mind which was starting to get messy. Slowly I tried to return to a condition where I should be fine and it turned out it was very easy to do. At this time I walked slowly and not long after that I saw a beautiful building. With full confidence I entered the place and when I got there it was of course as usual. Natalia was waiting for my arrival this time. I saw that person who was dressed very elegantly.
“Helene!”
"You've been waiting for me?"
"That's right. I can't wait to tell you the good news.”
"You have good news?"
"Yes. Of course. You definitely won't believe it."
"What's that?"
“One day ago I met senior and apparently wanted to help you. I told him everything and it was a great opportunity. You have to try it.”
"What? why are you like that? I don't mean to ask other people for help. Even I'm still not sure about my decision."
“It's clear because we are friends. I won't let you be destroyed. If there's a little problem, I'll definitely help you. Listen, this is your chance to return to your real world. Don't ignore this opportunity. Other people might try hard to get it but you are like this.”
"Okay, I understand. It's just that I need a little time to think.”
"What else do you want to think about?"
“I feel like there is something I have to do first and I have to think about that too. In other words, I won't just go back there easily."
“I don't understand what you mean. It's just that I feel like if that's what you want, then I understand. But don't give up easily."
"I know it. I also don't want to continue living like this.”
"Yes. You know better."
Even though I actually also feel grateful to Natalia, right now I feel that I really wanted all of this. It's just that it took me some time to accept it. I felt like there was a shadow that seemed to bother me. On the one hand, I also feel that all of this is unusual. I felt touched by this and slowly I began to feel that there was actually something inside me that I needed to get rid of. I just need to focus on myself and not have to think about other people who will judge me later. However, this thing continues to be in my mind and is really annoying. Now I'm thinking about that a little. This is the first time I realized something this terrible inside myself. I've never done this before and instead there are other things that keep bothering me. My head almost exploded and slowly I felt that in fact everything might be part of what was supposed to happen. Even now I still can't believe this and instead continue to blame myself even more. My view of myself, which is getting worse, continues to lead me into an endless abyss. In my dreams I also often see strange-looking scenes and there are even lots of moving dolls. Even though I was actually trying to cheer myself up this time, I started to feel a little helpless. When I held my hand, I slowly realized that maybe one day I wouldn't even be able to do something like this. I also felt a little strange because several times I was very uncomfortable with this situation. I feel that there is some truth in my hunch all this time. Natalia is seen enjoying coffee, this time I also feel a little calmer compared to a few days ago. I also enjoy the atmosphere of this place which is very calming. All this time, I have always wanted peace like this which provides very pleasant comfort.
"I don't know why they want to bring that woman down now," said Natalia, which immediately surprised me.
"You mean Rivana?"
"Yes. "Sometimes I get really annoyed when I see the woman's appearance, but on the other hand I also feel sorry because they really want that woman to fall."
"I know. Maybe they were never happy with Rivana's achievements. Or maybe there is another meaning."
“If you're not happy, I think that's too shallow. I feel like there's something strange about people lately. it's like they're out of their minds. That's why we should be careful."
"You are right. there is no guarantee that they will be good to us.”
"Yes. That's how it is.”
The two of them were still talking about that woman. Meanwhile, right now, in another place, several people can be seen gathering. They are none other than people known as celebrities. They were seen enjoying the calm atmosphere of the bar. Not long after that, Rivana came to join them. At that moment, one of them started telling jokes which even made several other people laugh until they couldn't stop. Rivana also smiled and they started talking about something. Their meeting this time only provided comfort and nothing seemed annoying in Rivana's eyes. During the meeting, Rivana felt that perhaps one day she would never be in this place again and that possibility was very big. On the one hand, Rivana also feels that she doesn't want to lose the life she has lived so passionately and doesn't even care what some people who hate her say. At this time, Rivana started to feel a little annoyed. After several times someone made rumors and brought down Rivana. Not long after that, Rivana received a call from someone. Quickly went straight to the toilet and then answered the call. It turned out that the person contacted Rivana. Feeling very disgusted, now Rivana can't hide her annoyance.
"Unlucky. Why is it always like this? "That person should just die," muttered Rivana.
Now Rivana is back with them and currently seems to be discussing something. They also looked very comfortable together talking to each other and not long after that they also discussed what had happened previously to Rivana and when it was explained again they always wanted to put it down, even the rumor was very clear and the person who spread it was not others are people who hate Rivana. During this time, so many things happened and one of them even made Rivana feel very annoyed even now. Meanwhile, in another place, Natalia was still discussing the same thing as before. I also listened to those words again now.
"I think I need a holiday," said Natalia, who looked relaxed.
"You are right. I also thought it might be fun to go on holiday.”
"Yes. Lately I've been almost crazy. After a while I'll really go crazy."
“How about just taking the time and going on holiday. I want to go too.”
“That's not a bad idea.”
"How's this week going?"
"Agree. I will prepare a lot of things.”
"Good. This way it's certain.”
“I will finally come back alive.”
"You don't feel alive right now?"
“Half life.”
I feel the same thing too. Every time it's like that. It would be nice to suddenly go somewhere and then forget for a moment the suffering that happened. This time, Natalian and I talked about something else again. Even though there are actually several other reasons that actually make me feel annoyed, I have occasionally felt confused thoughts and it really almost drives me crazy. And now, Rivana started to get up from her seat not long after that she decided to go home. Some of them waved at Rivana. After that, they continued talking even though Rivana had left and wasn't there.