“So, summer?” James asked, over butterbeers in the Three Broomsticks on their last Hogsmeade weekend before exams.
Sirius and Remus groaned in unison.
“You know I can’t—” Remus started,
“They’ll never let me.” Sirius finished.
“I don’t see why, though,” James replied, innocently. “You both came for Christmas.”
“Yeah, but there’s some rule about me staying at St Edmund’s for the whole summer,” Remus shrugged. “While I’m there, I have to follow muggle law. You don’t get to visit anyone when you’re in care, unless they’re related.”
“And you know what my lot are like.” Sirius sighed, heavily. “Even after Christmas – and I think that was just to keep me out of the way, to be honest. Reg already told me I’m expected.”
“When did you speak to Regulus?” James looked up, surprised. Sirius shifted slightly on his stool, looking awkward,
“Er… the other day. Wasn’t worth mentioning, only saw him for a minute.”
“I’ll be there all summer, James,” Peter said, loudly.
Sirius rolled his eyes rather obviously, but James smiled and patted Peter’s knee,
“Yeah, great, mate – least I’ll have you, eh?”
“I might be able to swing a Diagon Alley trip,” Sirius said, perking up slightly, “I’ve thought about it, and if you brought the invisibility cloak then we might be able to work something out…”
The three of them began to chat excitedly about this plan – Remus let them. Ever since he’d put a stop to the animagus initiative the marauders had been at a bit of a loose end. They needed something to use their creative energy on, and it generally had to be at least mildly illegal.
“Moony,” James said suddenly, “Where is St. Edmund’s, exactly?”
“Epping Forest,” Remus supplied, promptly, “Why?”
“We could always come and visit you…”
“No.” Remus said this with such forcefulness that Sirius and Peter’s heads snapped up, alarmed. Remus swallowed dryly, “Just don’t, ok? It’s a bad idea.”
His insides churned – the humiliation he would feel when his friends saw how he lived; where he came from. It would be too much to bear. What would they say when they saw his dull grey muggle clothes, or the other boys’ rough faces and hard knuckles? The concrete blocks and the splintering portakabins and the scrubby patch of grass out front. They would pity him.
“I’ll write,” he said, hurriedly, hoping to allay them, “And you lot can tell me everything you get up to. Hopefully I can come to yours again at Christmas, Potter.”
“You might not,” Sirius said, suddenly, “Full moon’s on the twenty-ninth this December.”
Remus looked at him, oddly. He prided himself in having an excellent memory, but Sirius took the cake when it came to the moon cycles.
James laughed,
“How come you’ve memorised every bloody full moon until we’re fifty, but you can’t get above an ‘Acceptable’ in Astronomy?!”
“Some things are important to remember, some things aren’t,” Sirius shrugged, draining his tankard, “And messing up the constellations really annoys my parents. So.”
* * *
Mid-May, 1974
Remus yawned and closed his book. He’d done plenty. More than enough. Too much, if you were to ask Sirius. But then, it was all very well if you were lucky enough to have wealthy dead relatives. Someone with Remus’s prospects couldn’t afford to slack off.
The library was open for extended hours during the exam period, but even so, it was almost closing time, with only a few much older students left behind, blinking sleepily at their texts. Lily, Mary and Marlene had gone to bed at least an hour ago – or Remus thought so, anyway. The days had become very repetitive in the lead up to the end of term, and time no longer felt truly linear – he hadn’t even been outside in days.
Wearily, he stood up, rubbing his eyes, and carried a pile of books back towards the Study of Magical Creatures shelves. He’d found that he could stay on Pince’s good side if he tidied up after himself, and it wasn’t much effort.
He liked being in the library late – it was nice and quiet. Growing up in a boy’s home and sharing a bedroom with the marauders had given Remus precious few opportunities for peace and quiet.
As he turned around the final row of stacks, he caught sight of a small figure slumped at the end, fast asleep over a little single desk. Tip-toeing forward, he recognised the fan of blonde hair splayed over the pages of an open book.
“Marlene,” he whispered, as he got closer. “Marlene!” He tapped her shoulder gently.
She jumped violently, fast enough to give Remus whiplash, then stared about with confused, bleary eyes.
“Remus?”
“You fell asleep,” he explained, keeping his voice low, “Library’s closing soon.”
“Oh no!” She looked distraught, gazing down at her parchment, which was blank. She’d smeared a bit of ink at the top, but nothing more. “Oh no.” she said again, forlorn.
“It’s ok,” Remus tried to cheer her up, “You obviously needed the rest, eh? Still some time before exams start.”
“I’ve got so much revision to do! I can’t remember anything about crups, can you?”
“Come on,” Remus dodged the question, “We’d better go, or Pince’ll be after us.”
Marlene nodded dazedly and got up, letting him lead her out through the maze of bookshelves. As they left, she began muttering to herself,
“Crups have forked tails, are wary of muggles, and somewhat resemble cocker spaniels.”
“Jack Russell’s.” Remus corrected, without thinking.
“What? Really?! Are you sure??” The girl grabbed his arm, unreasonably panicked by this information.
“Er… yeah,” Remus said, reeling back, unable to get away from Marlene’s vice-like grip.
“Of course you’re sure!” She said, woefully, finally letting him go, “You’re the best in the class.”
“You’re very good too…” Remus began, but stopped. Marlene’s face crumpled and she burst into tears.
“I can’t do it! I’m going to fail everything!” She wailed, loudly.
A group of Slytherin’s passing by snickered at her, before Remus pointed his wand menacingly at them. Marlene, still weeping, threw herself at Remus, arms around his neck as she sobbed onto his shoulder. Taken aback, Remus tried to pat her, gently, as her tiny body shook against him. He’d never been hugged by a girl before – except James’s mum, and that was hardly the same thing. He didn’t like it. His shoulder was getting wet.
Marlene was completely oblivious to his awkwardness, however, “I’m so rubbish!” She sniffed, “I mess up everything, I’m never going to be as good as Danny, or mum, or you, or Lily…”
“Er… you’re better than Mary at—”
“But Mary’s got a boyfriend and everyone fancies her and no one likes me!” She cried even harder.
At this point, Remus decided that he was definitely in over his head. He patted her, awkwardly once more, and said,
“I’ll um… go and get Lily, shall I?”
“No, no it’s ok…” Marlene pulled away, still sniffling. Her usually pale face was now red and blotchy, her grey eyes still glistening. “I’ll just go and wash my face,” she gestured towards the nearest girl’s loos, “Will you wait for me?”
“Um… ok.”
She disappeared and Remus slumped heavily against the wall. He now found himself carrying both of their book bags, and his shoulders ached under the weight. What might the others do, in this situation? James would be chivalrous, obviously. He probably would have known exactly what to say to stop her from crying. Peter would never get himself in the situation in the first place. Sirius… well Remus thought Sirius was probably as bad as he was, actually. He wasn’t good with emotions; he could barely manage his own.
Still, Remus knew that the right thing was to wait and walk her back to the common room, so he did. It wasn’t that Remus didn’t feel sympathetic towards Marlene – the pressure on everyone felt enormous, you could hardly ignore it. It was more Remus’s general distaste for whinging. And of course he’d never liked being around people who cried; it made him nervous.
Marlene looked much better when she came out of the bathroom. A bit flushed, but at least she was calm.
“Sorry,” she smiled at him, shyly, “I feel silly.”
“S’ok.” Remus shrugged. He wondered if he could give her back her bag now. His arms really hurt and his dodgy knee was playing up – never mind his hip. No, probably not. Not a very James thing to do, make a girl carry her own stuff. She didn’t offer to take it back, either. Luckily, they weren’t too far from Gryffindor tower.
“I am being silly,” she said, as they walked, “I know I am – my stepdad hates it when I get wound up. Says it winds him up. Then mum gets the worst of it. Danny says I need to toughen up and stop acting like a baby, but…”
 “Who’s Danny?” Remus asked, a bit lost.
“My brother,” she sounded surprised, “I’m sure I’ve mentioned him. He’s a beater for the Chudley Cannons.”
“Oh right, yeah I did know that.” Remus nodded, “Must be why you’re so good.”
“I’m not as good as Danny.”
“Well.” Remus tried to shrug under the weight of the books, “You’re only fourteen. Bet your brother wasn’t as good at fourteen. You beat Sirius, and he’s really good.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Yeah,” Remus replied, casually. “Obviously. Gryffindor won the cup again this year, didn’t they?”
“Because of James.”
“Yeah, well James is mental, you don’t want to be like James.”
“You won’t tell Mary what I said, will you?”
“Nope.” He had already forgotten what she’d said about Mary, to be honest.
“She’s my best friend,” Marlene sniffed, “And I’m not jealous of her or anything, she’s just… well she likes to show off, you know. She’s so funny and chatty and everything, sometimes I feel a bit… I mean, she’s already been out with Sirius and now she’s got that muggle boyfriend, and I think Professor Ferox likes her more than me.”
“He’s a teacher.” Remus said, “He likes everyone the same. Anyway, you’re funny. James is always going on about how you get everyone laughing at quidditch practice.”
“Really?!” She seemed to flush again at this news. “What about… um… what about Sirius, does he think I’m funny?”
“Yeah, obviously,” Remus nodded, pleased that she was finally smiling again, “We all do. Your impression of McGonagall is the best.”
This seemed to satisfy her, and by the time they’d reached the common room Marlene looked positively cheerful. “I’ll help you with crups if you want.” Remus said, as they climbed through the portrait hole. “We can do it tomorrow at lunch.”
“Thanks Remus.” Marlene wrapped her arms around him again in a quick hug. She took her books and headed upstairs to her dorm room. Remus let out another sigh, sagging slightly with relief. Why did this always happen to him? Maybe he needed to start being meaner.
Behind him, someone wolf-whistled, loudly. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.
“Here he comes! Look out, ladies, Gryffindor’s number one heartthrob, coming through!” Sirius crowed as Remus went over to join his friends by the fire. James was immersed in a book, but looked up and winked at Remus. “You’re going to have to tell us your secret, Moony,” Sirius continued, “You seem to get all the girls.”
“She’s just a friend and you know it. Where’s Pete?”
“Showering,” James replied, “Peeves attacked him with a jug of yesterday’s custard.”
“Eurgh.”
“Yep, that’s the sound he made,” James smirked, returning to his book.
“Thank merlin you’re back,” Sirius addressed Remus, “James has been so boring today.”
“I’m revising.” James said, calmly, turning a page, “You should be too.”
“Pfft.”
“I’m done revising for today,” Remus grinned, “Want a game of snap?”
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?”
“Shut up and get the cards.”