The hard day is over. But now I feel like my whole body hurts. It's true that I rarely exercise. To the point where I feel like I don't have time to do that kind of thing. As soon as I finish training I always go and now everything just feels like it. This life is scary. I once dreamed that all the things that happened to me were because there were some things that just stuck. I felt everything as if it were real. As I walked through the dark night, at that moment I wondered if there was someone else standing there waiting for me. Apparently it was just complete nonsense. I felt ashamed of myself for believing even such a strange dream. One day ago, I was somewhere and was going to practice. Strangely I felt like someone was deliberately following me. At first I thought it might be someone else who had the same destination. Once I realized it turned out that person was a stalker. I ran for help until finally I entered a cafe and sat there as if I were a visitor. That's really terrible. That memory is still there to this day. I felt really bad and scared at the same time. But I believe that this incident can be overcome if it happens again. My dream has always been to live well as myself. I started to realize that I needed to make big decisions once I graduated from school. And it turns out it's true. Slowly I tried to say everything I wanted to my family. They were just silent. None of them agreed to my request. I felt worse and worse, they kept trying to get me to go abroad. I'm frustrated. I don't want to go with them. When I think about it, they will only use me for their own purposes. After finding out about that, I never wanted to be with them even though they kept persuading me. A life I really don't want. Many times I look in the mirror and continue to question myself, strangely I don't find anything. There's only myself. There are no other gaps or even anything strange. After I think about it, maybe I can find what makes me happy when I start living alone. The universe may pray for me. With confidence I stepped out of my comfort zone and went far. Like I'm doing now. Honestly, all I have in mind so far is ambition. I have to achieve what I want no matter what. I don't care about people who hinder me. They are just small pebbles that I have to ignore.
"Finally finished my training," I muttered.
I go day by day. Tonight I felt like getting some fresh air. Yesterday I accidentally met an old friend. And now I hope I never have to meet anyone. I just want to enjoy some time alone without anyone bothering me. Right now I'm in a cafe not far from where I live. The atmosphere is also peaceful, perfect for enjoying my time. There's no reason for me to go with other people and then compare myself to them. I just want to live a relaxed, peaceful life and have no problems. Apparently this is really difficult to get.
“Wow. People are amazing,” I said.
After I think about it, I feel like my life will continue like this. Nothing interesting. Apart from practicing then performing and just continuing like that. There's nothing I can feel like truly enjoying life. There are no burdens to bear and there are still lots of fun things to do. I feel like it's the opposite. Apart from that, I think there is something very annoying. From what I've seen so far, I've never seen hope again. It's all just misery. That's so annoying. I really want to get away from my miserable life. It feels like my head keeps throbbing I feel like this is very bad there is nothing worse than this. Two things that are different. Everything is always present in pain. If only I lived as a person full of luxury, I wouldn't have to experience all this. There are many things I can achieve. It's a lie if people don't want luxury. They are just a bunch of hypocrites who move like sheep. I always swear at damn people's words like that. They really hinder it. Pebbles that should be destroyed. Until this moment I still remember that. It would be terrible if such crazy thoughts took root. When I pay attention, people here tend to enjoy the time they spend. I envy such a view. Every time I looked the other way, I tried to restrain myself. Strangely, I can't avoid this until now. There are many things that make me feel sick. I dare to be honest with myself. But I feel unsure about being frank with other people. Even though that person is my own friend. Until now it is still a mystery. Besides, I also want to get rid of this bad situation and be under the light. Turns out it was all difficult. I don't know what to do or what to do. Questions kept popping up one after another. I can't imagine it all at once. This hurts me too much.
'What was I really thinking?' I muttered to myself.
Meanwhile, everyone else is in a happy circle. When I realized that, I slowly felt a little uncomfortable. Inside me there are still many things that continue to stir. Until it feels uncontrollable. I tried to get out of that problem. But strangely it can't. When I told this to other people, I don't know why they didn't seem to believe me. Several times I also saw articles published by journalists, apparently they were enlivening the media by providing information about the event. This time I just thought more about it. It shouldn't be a burden on me.
“Aria? It turns out you're here too. This is troublesome. Even though yesterday I accidentally met you and now you are here? Wow. What is this?" Said Danielle who suddenly came here and approached me.
"Unlucky. It should have been enough that I met you yesterday. Why does it have to be tonight?"
"Hello, shouldn't I be the one saying that?"
"Up to you."
“Seeing you here, I'm guessing you're enjoying some free time?”
"Correct. Especially if it's not like that."
"I already guessed."
"You yourself, aren't you the same?"
“Ah, that's true. I have to admit that you are quite sensitive. By the way, are you not depressed?"
"What? How could I do that? Don't get me wrong."
This person is still here with me. Actually, I feel a little uncomfortable because I have to meet Danielle tonight. Even though I hope not to meet anyone at this time. It's strange that we even have to meet. I don't understand what's going on in Danielle's brain. Since then, I've been saying nonsense that makes my head dizzy. Not only that, some things often make me uninspired. This guy was still babbling as if he was trying to be okay. I'm still listening to this moment. Danielle this time talked about something else. I have a feeling this chat together will take up a lot of time here. Even now it's still the same.
"But I never thought it would end that easily," said Danielle.
“What do you mean by ending easily? Is someone going to beat you?”
“It was much worse. I guess I'd better be careful. I'm not usually this upset. I couldn't stop myself. Hey, have you ever been in a situation like this too?”
"Do not ask. I often feel something like that. Was that your first time?”
"Really? Impossible. Sorry, I do not know. I'm always just talking. Actually, this is not the first time. It's just that it's much worse now than before.”
"Yes. That's real. I never say nonsense. All are correct."
“But somehow you managed to overcome all that. I feel unsure about myself.”
“Don't ever say that. Hey! Do you know why? That really sucks.”
"You are right. Maybe now is the time for me to go to therapy and not have to feel bad. Do you have any suggestions for that?”
"There isn't any. I don't have any suggestions. So don't ask me again. You can look for it yourself if you want.”
"Hah? What the hell is that? Okay, I understand. I think I'd better be independent from now on.”
"Yes. That's much better.”
"You want?" Danielle said while giving me chocolate.
"Thank You. Did you order this on purpose?”
“Come on, stop being so wary. I won't kill you.”
Sometimes I never easily believe other people's stories. But I feel a little impressed by this person's words. I felt that what I had missed was so terrible that I couldn't imagine. Danielle is still the same. We were born, we met yesterday and now we meet again. I think the universe wants me to be friends with Danielle. But I still have doubts. I don't want to get too close to musicians who are just like me. I feel like I don't know what to do. Everything almost fell apart. Danielle is still cheerful. But for some reason I just get more and more gloomy day by day. I feel like I'm weirder than Danielle herself.
"You have a plan?" I asked Danielle.
"What plan?"
"For example, going on holiday or just enjoying your free time."
"I don't know. Currently I am still working on my schedule. I can't predict what I will do the next day or even the next day. Why do you ask that?"
"It is nothing."
"Yes. When I think about it, now my life is a mess. The last time I looked presentable was when I was abroad. After I returned to this country, it was destroyed.”
“Maybe you weren't prepared enough. Didn't you check all your schedules before coming back?”
"Yes. That's the problem. I didn't check. I thought that it would be the same later, but apparently I was wrong. How ridiculuous."