In fact, I still feel bored. Life continues as if it never stops. But there are phases to everything. I still can't accept all this easily. Me still being like this with a situation that is getting crazier feels really unfair. I don't know if everyone experiences something like that or not. I also want to ask them. But it was all hindered because it wasn't very good. Today the sun is shining hot. I felt quite hot. When I returned from that place, I felt a little relieved even though there were many things that made me feel worse. I also can't tell all this to other people. A fact that is very difficult for me to accept. I kept repeating the same words. When it rains or even storms, I feel like the world is very uncomfortable. I once thought about just leaving and not having to go back anywhere. In the end, it was all just a dream deferred. I feel jealous of my friends who have a fun day. From that I felt small and even very sad. I feel like this is not the world I wanted as a child. Even though you try to look at this world with innocent eyes, reality ruins everything. Now I think I'll just use common sense. I don't care what other people say, which of course only hurts me. They will never care at all. When everything was almost here, I discovered something different that immediately made my eyes aware of this world. What's more, it's all quite surprising. Once I ignored it, but over and over again I felt that everything was destroyed. There was nothing strange and it actually made me feel out of sorts. Chaos and even I feel like I've lost myself. At that moment I ran out of common sense and almost made a mistake. I didn't know what to do with such a terrible condition and all I had in my head was a miracle. When I felt all that, slowly everything went away. There are no beautiful harmonies or just calming words. I really lost everything. This time I saw myself quite differently from before. The sound of even people's breathing began to look better, unlike at that time. I also thought about returning to the performance stage and showing everything I have. But my hands are still shaking. I felt like there was something wrong with me again. Once again I really felt like it was really hindering me. Slowly I tried to prove to myself that everything wasn't as bad as I thought.
“Jeez, what else is this supposed to do?” I muttered.
In the evening I went back to training. Now I'm in my usual practice room. It's been an hour and I'm resting. This is indeed tiring. But I was quite impressed with what I did tonight. There have been many other things that have made me feel stuck and now I have to come back with myself who is truly ready to perform again. I remember Mariana's words that continued to encourage me positively. This time I had to put myself in the zone that was supposed to be mine. Nothing else should stop me.
'Wow, it's time to go back,' I muttered to myself.
I already thought that now the situation was getting out of control. The hope that had been in my mind suddenly disappeared. I already knew this would happen. It's just that I feel like it's too fast if it's that easy. When everyone started to get their wishes at the top, I certainly felt like this was no longer an end in itself. I don't know whether all this will end easily or vice versa. Once I'm done with my training, I now intend to go out at night. This time, just what's around here is enough. It's been a long time since I spent my time like this. A new start for myself. It's always like that. This dinner is a healthy dish full of protein. I really like things like this. I almost felt that now was the time for me to have fun. It's strange that I feel like this is true freedom. Don't forget, I also interacted with several friends in my college chat group. I read all the messages that came in and it turns out that they are also fighting with their own problems. It turns out the world is really this scary. While I was eating, suddenly I heard someone screaming. This made the others also turn towards the direction the voice came from. I was immediately shocked because I saw a woman sitting on the floor with fallen food scraps. Looks like it was an accident. This is really bad. The sight witnessed by many people would certainly make the woman very embarrassed. It was very visible from the red face. Several servants were petrified of the woman and quite a few were just watching like spectators. Including myself. To be honest, I wanted to petrify that woman, but I felt like I would be at a disadvantage if she suddenly came up with such a classic reason. In the end I ignored what was here.
"That would be embarrassing," I muttered as I continued eating my dinner.
I guess time passes too quickly. Even now I feel like it's too fast and I just missed it. Nothing else slows down. Or even an event that lasts a long time. The further I get here, the stranger I feel. There's a lot I didn't realize. I feel stupid if I continue like this. Beautiful night. I saw a dark scene decorated with lights which was quite impressive. I think this is the first time I've been outside in a long time. Usually I feel uncomfortable and constantly cold. This time it's really different. Looks like I'm starting to get used to the nighttime weather.
“Aria, is that you? What are you doing here?" Said someone who sounded like a woman's voice.
“Oh, hey. It's been a long time since we saw each other. Danielle.”
“Wow, I also just realized that I haven't seen you for a long time. How are you? You're living well, right?”
"What's your question? Of course I live well. How about you?"
"Yes. Very impressive. I live happily. By the way, are you joining the orchestra next month?"
"Yes. I've decided I'm going to come."
“That's good. That way they will also be happy. Do you know what I mean?”
"I know. Thanks for reminding me. But why have you been missing all this time? What are you doing?"
“I went abroad. They told me to go there."
"Is that your family's request?"
"Yes. Who else if not them."
"Good grief. It was surprising.”
“I think some people must be happy that I'm not around.”
"What are you saying?"
“Ah, right. I've never told you. You want to know?”
"Say. Maybe that will help me be alert.”
“There was one person who wanted me to leave. Guess who that person is?”
"I don't know. Just say it."
"Coach."
“Don't be kidding, are you? Where could the coach want you to go? You're talented, what's wrong with you? There isn't any."
“That's your opinion. But it's different with that person. From the start, that person was forced to accept me as a student."
"Is it because of money?"
"Yes. That's right."
After I chatted with Danielle for a while, I felt something was wrong. So far I've never felt anything like this. I don't know why so I keep thinking about it. It is true that nowadays many things have changed and that also certainly applies to coaches. I only saw it from the other side and was strangely unaware of the actual situation. This time I felt like the world had gone crazy, not only the world but also the people who were crazy. I kept listening to Danielle's ramblings until it didn't feel like it was late at night. I quickly rushed to leave here.
“Gosh, this is so annoying,” I muttered.
Meanwhile, Danielle is currently at a bar. Previously, the woman had just returned from the event and now she was here. As soon as she saw that the atmosphere at the bar was quite cool, Danielle immediately ordered a drink. Not only that, suddenly Danielle's old friend also came over. The two of them started talking to each other, discussing many things together. A quiet bar is very suitable for just chatting with friends or even getting rid of frustration for a moment. This time not many people came so it was quieter. Danielle also couldn't help but tell us about several things that had happened recently.
“So you were abroad all that time? Why didn't you tell me? You're also off social media. Why?"
“That's because I have to focus on my education. I feel like I spend a lot of time studying and almost no time to just relax. It may sound absurd, but that's what I experienced there. I feel like I'm in a different world. I even forgot about my other friends. This is just crazy.”
“Did you get punished?”
"What?"
“I mean is it because of your family?”
"Yes. That's right. Now I can go back because I finished everything.”
"What? Have you graduated from college? Very fast?"
"Yes. I took an accelerated program.”
They continued to talk about their respective experiences. Now I have arrived at the apartment. When I opened the door, I felt a familiar sense of peace. Tiredness has set in and I'm ready to take a shower. Once finished, I returned with myself who had to complete my college assignments. It's already late, but I can't waste this precious time. It's time for me to start tidying up my assignments. The silence of the night accompanies me while I complete my assignment. Finally I can relax again. This time I decided to act like sleeping. The clock also showed 12 o'clock at night. It's not good if I stay up late.
"Gosh, my head is so sleepy," I muttered while lying on the bed.