“Hey, Blythe! Wake up!” At the mention of my second name, I already knew who was calling me.
I groaned and stretched my muscles.
This was the second time someone woke me up through the course of this trip, but today, when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t the blinding Malibu sunlight that hit me.
A grayish, purplish sky as wherein through the horizon I perceived an orangey and yellowish color behind the hills was the vision that greeted me, and though it may seem there’s a little light manifesting from the celestial sky, there were still infrastructures below me whose lights were on.
I looked down from the roof of the car and saw Nico. “What time is it?” I asked him.
He was looking up at me with a confused expression, “Early? Six, maybe. Did you sleep in there?”
I stood up from my sitting position and stretched my muscles once again, ignoring Nico’s question, as the tip of the sun glimmered behind the hills.
It was only by the time I stepped on the ground I realized we were getting nearer to the dessert part of the road as I noticed grains of sand dusting my black converse.
I saw Luna and Nico doing some stretching just as the first ray of sunlight hit their faces and the car. I spotted William standing by the door of the driver’s seat.
“Hey,” I called out, walking towards him, “What are you doing?”
“Looking for directions to our next destination. As of this moment our trip depends on my phone. Everyone’s phone was dead,” he said, not taking his eyes off his cellphone.
“How far are we from the campsite?” I asked him. Before he answered back, he typed something on his phone and said.
“Hmm, it says here about one and sixty miles,” he answered, and I wondered how many hours are we were away.
“You know how many hours is one and sixty miles?” I know for myself that my question cannot be answered without a paper and a pencil in your hands, and so I was about to drop the topic when William answered back.
“About two hours.” His answer blew me. Such a question was not answerable just by thinking alone.
I remembered that same topic I had in physics. No matter how many papers piled up on my desk for trying to solve the assignment Mr. Rahim gave us, I still did not get the right answer and ended up getting a C and a great sermon from my mom.
That homework was disappointing and stressful, I dedicated almost all my time to that and still haven’t found out the correct answer and then William here just answered the same topic in a matter of seconds, but hello, nothing new to that because this is William Bennett Rodriquez, the top student of Bakersfield Highschool.
Looking back through it, though we were only like two hours away from the place we escaped at, there were a lot of things that have happened on our last two days of this trip.
“Woah! Dude, how did you solve that with just your mind?” Someone blurted out. It was Nico who was eavesdropping for I don’t know how long.
William ignored him and walked away, extending his arm where he holds the cellphone like looking for a signal.
“Your friend right there, Blythe, is a math genius,” Nico said with his hands on his chin. I looked at him.
“That was physics, dumbass,” I said, and smacked his forehead.
~~~
Since William’s phone was our only source of direction and the supposed to be driver, Kayden, was still sleeping. William took over the steering wheel with Damien on the passenger’s seat, Luna and Kayden at the back part and the rest of us in the second backseat.
William started the engine, and the car ran. There was not much to see at the side of the road, aside from bushes and parked cars.
The sky was a clear blue and since it is still early, there were only a few cars passing by and the only thing you can hear is the swish of vehicles as it passed by us and Kayden’s snore at the back.
William has been driving for about five minutes and since everyone inside the car was quiet, I looked through the window and feel the breeze passed my face.
A beat of a drum suddenly blasted from the car’s stereo and all our heads bob with the beat as it changes to its funky melody and followed by a strum of a guitar.
“Hail!” William sang so loudly, strumming his fingers at the steering wheel, eyes still focused on the road. All together we sang the second voice and then we sang to Redbone’s Come and Get Your Love that made Kayden wake up from his slumber and sung together with us.
“Hey, Blythe, you remember this song?” he said laughing, “This song was playing during the birthday party of one of our neighbors where you fell on their chocolate fountain and had to take you home covered in chocolate while the little kids along our way home swipe their finger on your clothes for chocolate?” I slapped his shoulders.
That was sixth grade. The only reason I fell on that chocolate fountain was because I slipped on Nico’s skateboard. And for him to make it up to me, he offered to walk me home that turned to watching me and laughing on the ground the entire time as I hysterically get myself out from the kids who want to devour the chocolate I am soaked in.
Damien put the volume up and Redbone’s voice filled the car and our veins as we all sang with pure joy and beaming smiles.
“Come and get your love!” we screamed the chorus through the window as it echoed through the road.
~~~
After an hour of driving, the car was now running on a road surrounded by desert. We stopped at the first gasoline station we saw standing in the town that seems to be dead to recharge cell phones and buy some bread at the convenience store to eat along the way.
We all hopped outside the car and our eyes caught the attention of a vehicle slowly halting in the middle of the road with a busted tire.
Couple of feet landed on the ground and Luna and I shared a surprised look when we saw someone familiar come out from the vehicle.
It was Ace.
“Oh my God, what is he doing here?” Luna asked beside me.
“Who’s that?” Kayden asked.
“Some douchebag from school,” I answered.
“If he’s a douchebag, then he doesn’t deserve our precious attention, since we have places to go. Come on, let’s recharge our phones and buy food,” Kayden clapped and Nico grabbed some cash from the glove box.
Along the way, we put all our sources of money at one place where one person will spend it rationally to keep our stomachs filled throughout this trip.
Since I don’t have a cell phone to charge, I volunteered to keep an eye on the car. I watch everyone walk out from the VW as the vehicle with Ace on slowly moves as they push it.
I watched him put force at the car, together with the others, as his entire arms screamed the green and blue color of his veins.
I looked at the other people he was with and realized none of them were his teammates, let alone a familiar face from school. His eyes caught my presence, but before I could make eye contact with him, the landscape behind them caught my attention.
It was tall grasses swaying with the wind. I took a deep breath and looked behind me, and suddenly I forgot how to breathe. It was the convenience store where I lost my dad.
Moments flash before my eyes. I close it and try to drown the memory in its blackness, but all I could see was how dad’s eyes were still open when I saw him lying on the floor with a discolored face. I opened it once again, panting as I ran to the restroom with tears betraying me.
I slammed the door shut and leaned my body against the wall and slide down as I try to calm myself by doing breathing exercises my therapists taught me.
But it didn’t work, for I catch my breath as my body shivers and my shoulders tremble.
With my hands in my head, I felt the water from my eyes overflowed. I cried, screamed and begged for that overflowing tears of my unbearable memory to stop drowning me but it won’t.
It took several heavy breathing before I can stand myself up from my sitting position and wash my face, hoping my memory of my dad dying will be washed away too.
But I saw my reflection in the mirror. Tears continuously dripping to my cheeks with bloodshot eyes and a red nose.
From there, I felt an emotion I knew I couldn’t control. I feel sad, grief, guilt, and anger, and the next thing I knew I found my knuckle on the mirror, with a little blood dripping from its cracked glass.
My aggressive action seemed to calm me a bit as I slowly remove my knuckle from the mirror, look at my blooded hand and run it with water on the faucet as I feel brief pain and wash my face.
I covered my hand with enough paper towels to hide the wound I inflicted on myself as I sniffled for one last time and left the restroom.
A roaring sound of a vehicle driving was the first thing I heard, followed by several yells. I rushed to the car and saw the others with a distressed face.
“Ellie, where have you been?” Damien asked as soon as he saw me and I peeked at our car.
Ace took our tire and our money from the glove box. Just as I thought I already calmed down, I felt guilt and selfishness.
This is my fault. I should have been looking out for the car, but I sulked myself with my personal issues and now six people were in distress because I have been selfish for thinking about myself and ran to the restroom without realizing the consequence.
I walked around the car as the others stood by it, with their heads shaking and their hand on their temples.
“Guys, I am so sorry,” I explained between my sob and wiped my tears.
“Blythe, what happened to your hand?” Nico walked towards me to grab my hand, but I shake it off.
“This is my fault. I am sorry. Let me all make it up to you.” I apologized as my eyes get blurry from the tears ready to stream down my cheeks again.
“Ellie, no, this isn’t your fault,” Luna said as she was about to hug me, but never got her chance as I walked away.
“Ellie! Where are you going?!” Someone yelled.
“This is no one’s fault! Come back here,” a scream echoed as I heard footsteps getting near behind me.
“Please. Don’t follow me.” I pleaded and with that, the footsteps faded and I continued to walk forward.
~~~~
The sun was getting high and hot, and I feel sweats dripping at every part of my body.
I have been walking for thirty minutes or more, with nothing with me aside from my navy-blue shirt patched with sweats, my converse that feels like there is a dessert inside of it, and my wounded hand aching from the sweats dripping down my arms.
I sighed and sat on the first and only bench I saw to rest my burning feet from the blazing sun and from walking.
As I recall, the last two days were all about jolly, shiny, calming days. Now look at me right now, sweating and burning from the sun, hiking to I don’t know where since all I can perceive right now are sands, bushes, abandoned buildings, and dessert.
In short, nothing. I am in a fucking ghost town.
Maybe what they say is really true. When something good and happy happens to you, there is always a depressing and lonely one in exchange. As unfair as it is to hear, it’s the truth. Reality sucks and no one can ever be truly happy as long as they’re alive.
Maybe life is all about surviving. Just like Charles Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest states, the ones who can adapt to its environment are the species to highly survive.
But it’s really hard to survive and adapt to an environment that is like a roller coaster. One day you’re up and next thing you knew you are down and maybe that is the reason why as long as you live you can never be happy because life is full of ups and downs. A line full of zigzags.
Why can’t it be just a constant straight line?
A perfectly straight line with no bumps or humps. But something always reminds me that life isn’t made to be perfect because if it’s just a straight line, it is dead, like a heart that stopped beating. And maybe that is the reason people wish to die.
But as far as I want a fucking straight line for life, I don’t want to die yet, not today.
I don’t want to leave my mom in distress after losing two of her loved ones. I don’t want to leave those people at the gas station who put their hopes on me and I don’t want to leave yet the people I will come to love in the future.
I should survive and adapt just like what Charles Darwin’s theory states, because one way or another, it will still lead me to that straight line: death.
And if the end of the day, all that’s waiting for me is death, better yet I shall make my life an Oscars movie awardee when it flashed right into my eyes.
I will die surviving and living for the ones I love because truth is, happiness can never be gained as long as you’re breathing.
It can be gained when you died and have lived and survived your life in the most worthy way. I believed my dad died in that way and I too will die the same way.
I wiped the tears from my cheek and stood up from the bench. Realizing I shouldn’t have left those people behind and I don’t want to go back to the gas station empty-handed after making them die of worry. I need to find a repair shop, but where?
I am in a fucking ghost town.
My God! I am so stupid for walking out with them!
I continued my hike, groaning when I heard a honk of a car. A red pickup truck appeared through the fogginess of the sands as I looked behind me. I raised my hand for a signal and the vehicle halted in front of me.
“Are you lost, dear?”