I'm at a point where I believe I know nothing, not even a single thing. Was all this information true, the more I hear their speech the more lies I feel like it sounds, was all my life a lie?, have I really been living in a lie?, Was everything right in front of me yet I couldn't see them?, It feels like the closer I look the harder it is for me to see, they have all been liars, they all have been lying to me or was I just the one believing the lies rather than the truth?.
Mother superior knows everything about me, yet never for once told me about it, I have lived with her for years, since I was nothing but an infant, yet, she never felt her conscience telling her to reveal the truth to me, I have the right to know.
I am in a spot where I don't know what's next to do, at first I believed Mr Caleb was telling me nothing but the truth, later did I find out that it was all a lie just to sell me for money, yet along the process when I escaped from the school, I happened to find out he was also telling me nothing but truths, but right now, Mother Superior's narrative has made him someone I should be wary of, his conscience never told him for once to reveal his identity to me, to tell me that he was my father and we have been living together since forever.
95% of what people say are lies, that was his words, he even went to the point of telling me that I should trust no one, not even he himself, that's his words are also 95% lies, what should I believe then?, Who should I listen to?.
Grace was now covering her face crying, the innocent Michael before her just standing there staring at us, my eyes waters seeing the way the innocent boy was staring at me, I was once in the shoes of this kid, but then, I never had a parents and I never cared, but now, the more I know, the more it hurts.
I can feel Jackie's hand on top of mine, I turned to her with the wet eyes, trying to act brave, trying to be the man I have always been, but right now, it's getting really hard to be that man. Jackie brought me closer to her, placing my forehead on her chest, her jaw on my head as I sobb into her, letting go of everything I have been trying to hold back.
I never took a long time to get myself back together, I believe in all this, I have to forgive them for whatever it is, they have their reasons too, they were also in a shoe they couldn't fill in, how might she have felt walking away from her child, a child who was going to grow up not knowing his mother, I believe it might've felt unfair to her that she has to leave without the knowledge of the man she loved, the man who was responsible for her baby, she has to leave her man and baby behind just for the reasons Mother superior gave, protecting the Orphanage.
What about Mr Caleb who was never there, but yet was the one who taught me to become a Man I am today with the help of Uncle Dale?, He lived with me but never for once looked my side, giving me no clue that he was my father, I wonder how he might've cherished our moments together inside that car when we were escaping, only to go sell me away from him, as much as it is, no one has taught me more than him, he told me that this world was too small than I could ever imagine, yet, I never understood, but right now, I feel what he has been saying, now I believe this world is too small to the point I am even suffocating, he let go of me to go into the world with nothing but tips, I just can't find words to explain him, but Mr Caleb, I will catch up on him soon, for now, I have to settle the misunderstanding between me and my biological mom, have to make her forgive herself of all the guilt and burden she felt all this years.
I stood up from my position, walked up to Grace, got her standing as she looks up, staring into my eyes, “ I believe I one day understand why I am about to do this, but for now, I don't know....”, I said to her as I brought her closer and hugged her. I don't know who I should be mad or pissed off at, I don't know what to do about all this, it's a lot dropped on at me at once and yet I know that those involved wasn't spared too, they were all living in guilt about their choices, they believed it's what's right that they have to suffer for a long time about it, Mother superior who was a mother figure to me had to live with me for years, hiding my true identity, Mr Caleb my father has to hold back whichever father's love he had for me just to protect the Orphanage and the image of everyone involved, Grace here had to leave the man she loves and run away, leaving behind her baby too just to protect everyone involved.
We stood there hugging for few minutes, no one interrupting or breaking us apart, not even little Micheal who has been doing nothing but staring. I don't know how she's living now, I can see she leaves in a preferable home, she has a kid here, that means she's definitely married, married to another man who wasn't the man she had her first child with, decisions really hurt, but in all that, uncle Dale was always right, be ready to take responsibilities for every decision you make.