Lee Song was still missing.
(Li-Am had a feeling he’ll never see her again.)
Even Leigh Anne didn’t know where her aunt had gone or where she herself had been for the past year, much to their bewilderment.
She didn’t remember anything.
Trauma, the other doctors would later decide. The poor girl must have been in shock. And if the entire ordeal had been bad enough for the victim herself to only want to forget… then who are they to force her to try to remember? What right do they have to make a victim relieve such awful memories?
Maybe it’s for the best she didn’t remember what had happened. A blessing in disguise, some would think but wouldn’t dare to say aloud to his face.
But Li-Am couldn’t be really too sure about that… after all, he’s the father. Even if a year of separation, of his child going missing to god only knows where, the Doctor still liked to think that he knows his own daughter better than that, so… so why?
(As his daughter stood in front of the window within her new bedroom, with the colors of the setting sun playing in front of her, casting shadows that covered and crawled over half of her face as she stood there–motionless, like a statue–making the other half appear a ghostly pale.
Li-Am is more than aware that Leigh Anne had always been taller than girls her age but for a moment, he couldn’t help but think his daughter looking more of a specter right now…)
Leigh Anne suddenly glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyes, haunted, with an air of wisdom that he was most certain hadn’t been there before and… and almost with a sheen of a shining blue amidst the darkness of her bedroom.
Or is it his mind playing tricks on him?
Was it because of the lack of light?
He dared to blink.
…His daughter’s eyes are still an unearthly blue.
A cold bead of sweat trailed down his temple.
…Why was she lying?
* * * * *
Li-Am Song was a man of science, he wasn’t particularly religious… but that didn’t mean he didn’t believe in the metaphysical, he liked to think of himself as a logical but open-minded man.
So, it was really kind of a tough pill to swallow, to make his very self believe that something… definitely not normal is seriously going on with his daughter. But to be fair, could you blame him? He just lost his wife… then his older sister and only daughter had gone missing for a whole year, had obviously gone through something very traumatic that she had opted to forget about it altogether so surely it must be that?
It sounded like a load of bull.
…He’s in denial, he knows.
Because the human brain would naturally try to rationalize everything, would try to make sense of things that are basically senseless, things that are beyond the realm of mortal understanding.
And he should have known–he should have really known that things would change over time. Nothing has ever been the same since he lost her after all… his daughter’s recuperating had been practically the calm before the storm.
Like a reprieve, a small mercy.
Because a part of him knows that there was a parasite that come home with his girl, one that was burrowing itself fast and deep within the psyche of its prey, unseen but you know and can feel that it was definitely there, gorging itself within the flesh and blood and memories…
Something was definitely happening behind the scenes, like an insidious mutation, just underneath the surface of deceptively still waters…
…Until it isn’t.
* * * * *
Leigh Anne has always been a bright girl, a social butterfly to boot too… just like her mother. And Li-Am had almost lost count the number of times he had placed medals after medals around her neck, had taken pictures after pictures of his girl’s proud moments with the many people she had surrounded herself with. Because despite how much she devotes her time with painting or drawing in the safety of her room back then, his daughter had always been the type to immerse herself in a crowd, the type of a kid who talks and laughs too loudly with her peers and gives her parents headaches with that kind of volume and the shenanigans she often caught herself in.
So yes, considering everything that have happened, Li-Am knows it was to be expected that some things would change, his daughter would be a little quiet, a little moody perhaps but… but surely the entire personality wouldn’t shift so suddenly more often than not?
Because there are times that Li-Am thinks he couldn’t even recognize the girl he had brought home with him.
Li-Am has been watching closely and he can see some things that were slipping more often than not but had always opted to brush them off, he wanted to think rationally, wanted to give her some space or the benefit of doubt, that this will soon pass (it didn’t) because his daughter is still recovering.
Because it wasn’t just her body so close to being emaciated, her psyche could have been possibly affected more than she cared to show, after all… and yet–
And yet…
The odd glances here and there, small gestures or responses that looked and sounded too out of character, one that has no place in social norms.
An expression that constantly flitted between confusion and fear… until it smoothed and settled all over into a satisfied smirk, one that doesn’t fit too well on such a young girl’s face, especially on Leigh Anne’s.
It bothered him to no end.
(Ever since Leigh Anne was found, she hasn’t always been as bright and loud as she used to be. And Li-Am knows, deep within his gut and instincts in a way a parent can only know his child that this is not just because of her going missing or the loss of memories and everything that could have followed from the entire ordeal–or whatever else Lei-Lei might have brushed off–he knows something has gone horribly wrong.
And for all the ways his daughter tries so hard to wave his concerns away and Li-Am tries so hard not to be pushy in turn too, he didn’t want to come across as being invasive, he knows she wasn’t really telling him or anyone the whole story. He had a feeling she knows more than she lets on…
But how can he help her if she won’t tell him anything?!
So, he waits for her to talk to him.
And he worries.)
Because it’s seriously getting easier and easier for Li-Am to look at his own daughter’s face and think of something else standing in her place.
* * * * *
There are days he can ignore it, can pretend not to see or notice the blatant signs glaring right back at him.
But there are also days where Li-Am just can’t.
And unfortunately, those days are becoming common.
* * * * *
“You look like a panda,” Li-Am tries to say as casually as he can while placing his daughter’s mug of steaming hot chocolate in front of her.
Leigh Anne gave him a dry look.
“Gee, thanks dad,” she muttered, taking a sip then wincing because it was too hot. Li-Am tries not to laugh at that.
“No, seriously…”
It was a warm but windy, Monday morning and he still has thirty minutes or so left before he seriously had to run for work.
They both have a busy day ahead of them, after all… and Leigh Anne’s going to start attending high school next week. He made a mental note to remind himself that he had to come back a bit later to help her carry her stuff once she’s done shopping on the nearby mall.
“Shut up, Dad. Pandas are cute,” Leigh Anne yawns a bit as she rubs at the dark circles underneath her eyes, “Wait. Was it really that bad?”
“I thought you said pandas are cute?”
She pouts, “Dad!”
Li-Am simply shrugs, “Stop staying up so late kid.”
His daughter huffs and takes a large bite of her bacon, chewing enthusiastically before helping herself with another, “I was so not staying up late! I… I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I guess.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever you say–” Li-Am was in the middle of standing up to put his plate away on the sink when he sees Leigh Anne suddenly spitting out her meal. He watches, bewildered while his daughter straightens up on her seat… before glaring at the bacon with a clear look of disgust.
“What’s wrong–?”
“The meat is overcooked.”
Li-Am pauses, now staring over at his daughter who was now drinking but manages to keep himself from saying anything even as she finishes it easily despite the still-steaming mug.
The bacon, it’s not… it’s not overcooked.
* * * * *
Sometimes, Li-Am couldn’t help but wonder what his daughter sees (if she was still herself) whenever they pass by the windows of shops or whenever she looks at herself in the mirror.
Does she still see her face?
Or was it the other way around?
* * * * *
There are days admittedly worse than others.
Their neighbor–a kind, elderly woman named Renée–pulls him aside before he could even open the door, “You should go talk to your little girl, Doctor. I think something’s going on with her.”
He frowns, even though he was aware, (he already knows. There was no need to rub it in) and he was seriously beginning to get tired from all of his useless denials. Li-Am can already feel the dread and fear coiling within his guts like maggots twisting and feasting over his insides.
To his neighbor, he nods amicably, “Yes, thank you for calling me, Renée, I seriously appreciate the concern. I’ll get to her right away.”
She huffs, “Well good!”
“Did she say anything? Where is she now?”
Renée shakes her head, “Not a word. I think she’s locked herself in her room right now. I mean, I tried calling and knocking on the door but … but Lei-Lei wouldn’t even come out. I’m worried.”
Li-Am gulps uneasily as he opens the door, “I see…”
“Oh… and by the way, Doctor Song?”
“Yes?”
The old woman’s eyes turns a little sad, mouth curling into an even sadder smile as she stares up at him, “I really think you should bring along a med kit.”
For a moment, Li-Am wasn’t sure if he understands what she just said, wasn’t even sure if he heard his old neighbor correctly. He was practically frozen for a heartbeat or two as he stared back at her, incredulous.
“I… I’m sorry, what?”
“Just in case,”
…Oh.
Oh, no.