. . .
From: gemini.kit@dmail.com
To: leighanne.songfall@dmail.com
Date: December 12, 2012
Subject: IT KNOWS YOUR NAME
. . .
I scrambled upright to the sound of my cat meowing literally right next to my ear but the sounds of the waves as they crashed down against my body was too fresh and still ringing too loudly in the back of my mind.
Oh, God.
Oh God, it all felt so real...
* * * * *
It was three in the morning.
And I have only slept for less than 30 minutes.
Maybe I was too stressed, too tired from work… is that what this is? Maybe I’m going crazy. Yeah, yeah that must be it.
That was what I was thinking to myself as I tiredly stared at my cat’s still puffed-up tail as he pushes himself to mush his face against my shoulder, growling lowly but remaining still as I made my way downstairs.
He absolutely refused to be put down after I woke up. And I’m just seriously glad that he wants to be around me again… but as he continued to nuzzle the side of my neck, I can feel his heart.
It was a matching, frenzied beat against my own.
Between the two of us, I have no idea who’s more afraid.
* * * * *
The next night was no better.
On the third night, I dreamed of muffled, indistinct singing around me, its tune reminding me of the melody that I once heard as I sunk in the depths of the sea.
And as I dreamed of being surrounded by people shrieking and laughing as I cried and screamed from where I was laying on the floor, I wanted nothing more but to sink further in the sea where they could no longer look or so much as touch me. I just want to disappear. I want them to disappear.
I feel disgusting, so filthy… so… so used–
In that dream, they… they did…
…they did awful things to me.
…Things that I’d rather not name.
And it was cold.
It was so, so cold.
I feel like I was drowning but there was no water crushing my lungs and I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t find it in me to breathe even as I see a lone, blue eye staring down at me, perfectly circular, it was like staring up at the blue moon, but I wasn’t looking up at the sky, I was staring down at the ocean now.
And just looking at it was making my head hurt, just thinking about it was making me feel so sick. But I can’t look away. I want to look away but I can’t oh god why can’t I look away–?!
…I didn’t even remember closing my eyes but the next thing I know–there was a glint of what seemed to be like a small blade rising high up into the sky… and before I knew it, the blade was coming closer, was descending down upon me.
I felt the blade pierce through my skin, slowly worming its way through flesh and bone just as the beginning of a garbled scream was ripped free from my mouth.
Everything turned dark after that.
I don’t remember much of the third dream, and I couldn’t almost help but feel almost glad because I woke up thrashing and still screaming, hiccupping loud sobs on my bed.
My cat meows loudly by my side, he was practically yowling just to get my attention and when he did, he forcefully nudges his face and body against my hands until I brought him up and quieting down only when I cuddled him against my chest, burying my face against his furry one despite the tears still streaming down my face.
I have never been so glad having Kit with me.
…I don’t remember going back to sleep that time.
This situation, it’s not…
It’s not sustainable.
* * * * *
Despite my co-workers growing worried about the darkening bags that seemed to be permanently marked under my eyes, I still went to work that day–if only to distract myself from the idea of going back to sleep, no matter how tempting and terrifying it has now become.
Because yes–as many times as I’ve been assuring everyone that yes, I am still going to sleep… the truth is, I haven’t even skipped sleep with the sole exception of this morning.
I don’t want to.
I… I just couldn’t.
Please don’t me go back to sleep.
Throughout my shift, I could barely keep my eyes open, and I was too sluggish to work with that one of the older Doctors had actually demanded for the admin to let me get a sick leave, despite my half-hearted protests.
Apparently, I looked too tired and too sleepy for comfort that one of my co-workers volunteered to drive me home instead of letting me in fear that I’ll get on an accident.
They were right, they were so right, I must have been really tired because the soon my head hits the pillow when I get back home, I fell asleep there and then almost immediately despite my cat’s stubborn attempts at nudging and batting on my face to keep me awake and the next thing I know, I was dreaming.
…I was dreaming again.
Oh God, I’m dreaming again…!
And I know that I am dreaming in the way the air around me grows cold and heavy; in the way the sun just doesn’t shine quite right… as though a miasma of evil was blotting it all out.
This time, I wasn’t in or anywhere near the sea.
This time, I was inside what appears to be a house of worship, kneeling alongside rows and rows of other genuflecting people who had their eyes covered by a thick, strip of black cloth.
I realize I was the only one who hadn’t my eyes covered.
Should I be worried about that?
A part of me feels like I should be.
I nervously looked around, not daring to lift my head or move too much lest they noticed I was the odd one out. The temple’s architectural design vaguely reminds me of the high towers I’ve seen from my first dream… a place that could only be found in dreams. The walls and structure was massive, spectacular even, twisting elegantly this way and that, brocaded in precious stones.
And while I’m no expert in architecture but the odd way this place has been built managed to stir awe at terror within me at the same time.
The temple was beautiful, that’s for sure… but for some reason, it feels wrong–so wrong. It feels like something that shouldn’t be seen. Is that why these people are covering their eyes?
I immediately tensed when I saw… something suddenly moving from the corner of my eye, my head instinctively turning to look over its direction, but I only saw a large, shapeless shadow passing by.
Whatever it was, it had moved so fast enough that I was too late to even catch a glimpse. But I could hear it moving though.
It sounded everywhere and nowhere.
The house of worship seemed to practically vibrate with its every movement as the blindfolded people began to hum as one, a quiet rumble, the sad tune that came far beneath the heart of the sea.
And the air feels thick and heavy–it smells of incense and the sea. Smoke wafted around me, soft but suffocating and my stomach curled and churned in dread and anticipation of what’s to come.
Then, I saw it.
The… thing, it was… it was huge.
And it towered above us all.
For a moment, I couldn’t bear to take a look at its face but the glimpse of a familiar pale-grayish skin made me blanch.
As it… slithered (or… lumbered?) around us, I realized that the being has an abnormally long human-looking neck, torso and even two sets of arms filled with too-long, too-sharp claws, palms and thin fingers that are stretched wide open as though it was welcoming everyone with an open embrace.
And below the waist, there was nothing but a mass of inky-black tentacles that squirmed like worms, as though with a mind of its own.
Its body was so grotesquely large, it practically dominates the entire temple even as it hunches–and I swear to God, that body alone was going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life–it even has a maw that was located on its stomach filled with too-much, too-sharp rows of teeth.
Swallowing and forcing whatever little was left of the bravery in me, I dared myself to look even further up.
Its face was elongated in a beautifully frightening way that made me want to curse and praise it at the same time, its eyes though… strangely enough, was covered by what seemed to be a tattered remains of a cloth that reminded me the color of seaweed, some of it remains dangling messily around its body in long, loose waves.
It looked and sounded female but not quite… it looked like the creation of a human gone horribly wrong, something that didn’t quite belong to this world.
Here, in this awful moment, in the presence of something so old and unknown that was worshipped by people long since gone and people that still roamed and live, I realize, with a sinking feeling deep within my guts that I’m not just small or insignificant.
Here, I am damned.
Because I know there and then that this had been the one singing, was the one calling for me after all these torturous dreams. And to my horror I realized it seemed to be smiling at me.
* * * * *
I woke up with a sudden, violent jolt, my mouth hanging open, I felt like I was choking in the midst of a sob, tears gathering in the corner of my eyes that couldn’t quite still see right.
Rubbing my eyes, I sat up.
Three am… again.
…Of fucking course.
A hysterical laugh bubbled from my mouth.
And then I laughed and cried for a long time, and I couldn’t quite make myself stop until my throat hurts so much, until my voice turns raw as it breaks off into sorrow.
It was no use.
It was pointless.
I can still hear it.
I can still hear it.
“Kit…?” I hiccupped, when I didn’t immediately hear or felt the familiar, comforting sound of purring or even meowing anywhere near me.
…I can only hear it singing to me.
I think it wants me to come back.
* * * * *
I didn’t get to work that day or the next.
…Or even the next day after that.
And I couldn’t find my cat anywhere.
No matter where I look.
The last time I saw Kit was when he was trying to keep me awake… as though he had known somehow, in some way that some awful danger awaits me beyond the realm of waking.
There was no way my cat had gotten out.
He didn’t even like the outdoors.
None of my neighbors saw him got out too, the house was locked, and I never leave the windows or any door open, especially when I’m going to sleep. It was like he’d disappeared out of thin air… but I already have a nagging suspicion as to what happened to my years-long companion. It was why I find myself mourning him.
…And myself.
And whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror or one the windows, even I couldn’t deny the fact just how much my body has been deteriorating these past few days quite rapidly. I mean, I know I have always looked so sleep-deprived (no thanks to my job) but my health has truly plummeted down with the lack of sleep.
At this rate, even I wouldn’t last.
I have to sleep soon.
However, whenever I thought of my dreams –those god-awful dreams–of the ocean and what could possibly be lurking in there, the sudden impulse to start screaming and laughing again and then never stop was making me want to cry.
It was why I haven’t sleep for so long.
Because I’m afraid–I’m afraid of what I will see next, what I will find and lose the next time I dared to close my eyes again. I don’t want to know what will be waiting for me on the other side but what I do know is that no matter what happens, I must not fall asleep.
I’m not taking any chances.
You may think that the reason I’ve sent my story to you is because I want for someone to at least know the real reason why I disappeared seemingly overnight from the face of the planet.
But as I forced myself to type this message, I found myself blinking and stopping at some point to rest my eyes without falling asleep because the words are becoming a jumbled mess, the screen was too bright, too blue to look at and it hurt…
It hurt because there was usually an old cat resting by my side but my pet, my sole companion was gone, stolen from me.
I know that I have to sleep sooner or later, and I know, without a doubt, that the thing knows this as well, knows that I’ll come back soon enough on my own. I can hear its hymn getting louder and louder.
It’s only a matter of time.
(Maybe that’s why it had been smiling.)
… I already know it was waiting for me.
And I think it was waiting for you too.