The next day
Sometimes, we humans forget how fragile we are until death strikes. And when that cold bloody monster strikes, it strikes hard. So hard, that your entire life comes to a complete standstill, and you're forced to ask yourself, when in the world did things go wrong?
That was the question I kept asking myself for the past twenty-four hours.
When did things take such a terrible turn?
Surrounding me was a sea of black and yellow. Yellow for the flickering candles, black for the mourning attire, and the dark heavy clouds the night sky held.
In the middle of it all was my roommate's casket and a framed picture of him, displaying that cheeky smile I used to see every day.
Now all that was left of it was this fake copy, encased in glass and rubber. However, the fake copy didn't fail to remind me that for the next months, years and decades, these printed pictures were all that I had left to remember my university roommate.
I would never get to see Akunna smile or laugh ever again.
The thought made my hands tremble, and the only reason I didn't drop the candle I was holding, was because Shola gave me the steadiness I needed with just a simple touch.
She and Deon were the only reasons I was out here tonight, attending Akunna's candlelight vigil. If I had my own way, I would be under my bed by now, with the cobwebs and spiders, trying my best to escape reality.
Because everything else hurt too much.
"I know you don't want to be here," Shola whispered beside me. Her touch, warm and tender on my skin. "But this might be your last chance to bid Akunna farewell before his parents take him to the Eastern Region for the burial."
That last word made me tense up and Shola must've felt it because she gave me a gentle squeeze of assurance. "Everything will be fine, ok? I'm right here beside you."
Her utterance filled me with comfort, but not enough to take away the stinging pain, which only grew worse when the reverend minister led us through another depressing hymn.
Desperate for a distraction so I wouldn't end up bawling like a baby, I let my eyes flicker around, observing the huge number of students, lecturers and staff that had assembled here for the vigil.
Akunna wasn't really a popular guy. But when the news broke out that a promising biochemistry student had passed away due to a terrible seizure, all of Penfield was plunged into a state of sorrow and despair. Half of the people standing here didn't know Akunna personally, but the fact that they'd carved out the time to come and wish him goodluck on the other side, was commendable.
At least I thought it was until my eyes landed on someone, whose teary-eyed face was illuminated by the candle. I wouldn't have had a problem with her presence here, if she wasn't forcing out crocodile tears like a fountain.
My eyebrows dipped into a frown. The last thing I wanted to see here were fakers. Princess barely knew Akunna, so why the fuck was she crying as if she knew him better than I did?
She lifted a hand to brush away her tears, that was when her eyes landed on me. They almost looked fearful, as if she was afraid of something. But I couldn't tell what it was because in the next minute, she broke the trance, sending her vision to the old reverend standing next to Akunna's casket.
"Dearly beloved," the old man began, "We're gathered here today to pay our respects to our son, brother, friend and confidante, Theodore Akunna Williams, whose sudden departure left us all in a state of shock and sadness. But as the word of the Lord says in 1 Thessalonians 4:14; for we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." He closed the bible in his hands. "Our brother Theodore is merely a..."
Theodore? The name sounded awkward in my ears. Akunna hated being called by his first name. I remembered the first day we had met and how he'd told me that he felt his parents had named him after Theodore in Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Everything else that had happened that day played right before my mind's eye, putting a smile on my face. I hadn't realise how much Akunna had impacted my life in such a short period of time. He was the first person to notice that I liked Shola, and the same person who encouraged me go after what I wanted, instead of pleasing others. He was also the first person to warn me about Princess and the one person who stood by my side anytime I messed up. Apart from becoming the greatest friend I'd ever made, he had also become the younger brother I never had.
The fact that I had lost someone this special in my life made my heart ache.
My younger brother was gone for good... all because I'd asked him to come with me to another stupid party!
A dam threatened to burst out of my eyes and I quickly shoved my candle into Shola's hands.
The sudden action caught her by surprise, but she managed to grab the candle before it could fall. "Hey, what's wr-"
"I can't do this," I said, and began pushing past people, ignoring the worried tone of my girlfriend as she called out to me.
My movement in the crowd caught a number of heads, and along with that came a babble of whispers.
"Oh poor guy."
"Who's that?"
"Akunna's roommate."
"...heard they were pretty close."
"This must be so hard for him."
For some reason, the comments sounded so loud in my ears, pushing harder at the dam doors in my eyes. Thankfully, the people at the end parted way for me and I took off like the wind, running so fast that I wouldn't have to cry. But the dam doors didn't remain closed.
My vision began to blur and I had no other choice but to stop and let all out because...because it was my fault. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that it wasn't, I couldn't shake off the blame.
My knees fell to ground and the tears rolled out like wavelets. "I am so sorry, Akunna." I allowed my head to touch the grass. "Please, please, forgive me."
The night I found him flashed before my eyes.
I had messed up.
I had messed big time.
And here I was, coiled up on the itchy grass, crying my heart out. As if that would bring Akunna back.
Thunder clapped in the skies, signaling an impending storm. I still didn't move an inch. My phone screamed for attention in my back pocket, but I didn't have the motivation to speak to whoever was on the otherside.
There were so many ways last night could've end. Why did it have to end in the worst way? Why did it have to end with Akunna's death?
Little droplets of water pelted down my body in a mild tempo, before taking on the rhythmic sound of a heavy downpour. The drops were harsh and cold, like a hail storm had merged itself in the rain. I pulled myself up, grass and mud stuck to my face.
Everywhere was covered in a film of foggy grey, making it difficult to see, but I still tried my best to make it onto the pavement, trudging through growing puddles of water. There was no need to avoid them, because I was already soaked to the bone. Come tomorrow morning, I'd be alive with an excruciating headache and a really bad cold, but it was the least punishment I could give myself for letting my roommate die.
If I'd just respected his wishes. If I'd just left Akunna with the others to continue playing some games, the seizure wouldn't have happened. Akunna would still be alive right now, and that depressing vigil wouldn't have been organised.