Moving on was hard for me. Everything felt new but at the same time, different for me. 
As if I was never in this world.
I am trying to adjust as of now with the environment. I feel like floating, like a child relearning everything deprived by the situation. 
Restarting life seems to be easy to say but now, I still felt relapse every time I think of my baby and my father.
In such a short amount of time, I lost both of them. One I took for granted and chose not to trust, while the other was loved and forced to leave this world.
These days, I had been wondering if ever I could meet my child.
Since a whole year passed by, I wondered what it would have been like if he or she had lived. survived through the cruel fate I put him. Well, I was not even certain what sex he was. A male or female.
Nonetheless, I would have loved him wholeheartedly. 
He or she must have been a year old now. I wonder if he could walk now….how he would look like.
Does he take after me? did he get Kai’s cold and hard eyes, with dark gray pupils and golden iris? Did he have the same raven hair as Kai’s? 
Or did he get my hazel eyes? My long brown hair?
Was he bubbly? Or a serious child?
I wonder about all of these things. 
I am hoping that with my gift of talking to the dead, I could at least one day meet him. tell him I loved him, and how much I regretted not being strong enough for him. 
It took me a whole year of moving on as Kai was by my side, He was patient and never left me even for a minute... He made sure and assured me every chance he could get. He never mentioned the baby and although I could see him acting like it was nothing, it pained him just as much, especially since he wasn’t there for me.
He tried to express his emotions but I could see them clearly in his eyes. He would wake up in the middle of the night with Kai crying in his sleep, mumbling my name. I could feel his emotions, how deeply he felt regret, and how he felt so guilty that the pain chased him to sleep.
and with Kai‘s love and endless support, my healing processes must have already sped up because of him.
“Arya…can I come in?” A deep voice asked from the door and before he even got to speak, I knew that Rem was there.
“Yes, come in,” I replied, as I was alone and Kai took a minute outside to get my lunch meal.
The door opened and Rem’s head popped out, peeking at me and smiling.
So far, Rem had tried t change for the better and he has not broken my trust again so I felt a bit better with him, but I still felt a few trust issues with him. 
“How are you?”
I smiled, “I’m doing quite good, Alpha Rem.”
After my father, Alpha Leomourd’s passing, he left the White Claws Pack without any leader. I was the heir, but I was not ready to take his position so I thought that it would be better if Rem took it. Aside from he’s the second in command and beta, he has been working here for years. 
After my father, Alpha Leomourd’s passing, he left the White Claws Pack without any leader. I was the heir, but I was not ready to take his position so I thought that it would be better if Rem took it. Aside from he’s the second in command and beta, he has been working here for years. 
Between us, he’s more than capable of ruling the territory of my father. 
The pack members accepted it too since they saw Rem’s potential so the whole ceremony went with ease. 
“How’s life, being the alpha?” I asked, seeing the evident heavy dark bags under his eyes.
He offered a small smile, “Challenging…but your father did a good job managing that I did not have to try hard.”
I nodded, “Well, it suits you. Leading the pack.”
“Are you sure that you don’t want to be the Luna?” He asked and I halted at that. An awkward silence followed then. 
He realized the weight of his questions as he cleared his throat, “Oh, let me rephrase that, it came out wrong…I was asking if you still want to lead the pack someday when you are ready….not like lunas as my…” He trailed off, feeling embarrassed. “I had given up on chasing you, Arya. Just to clarify…I know that I don’t have a chance with you.”
I smiled at him, seeing how he was stammering and trying hard to find the right words but he keeps on going and digging his grave deeper.
“It’s fine.” I butted in before he would say anything that might hurt me, “I understand what you are trying to say.”
He sighed in relief, “thank you. I do not want to ruin my friendship with you.”
He then cleared his throat, “I came because I wanted to ask you something.” He suddenly started and I nodded.
“what is it?”
“Uhm…I do not know if you have already discussed this with Kai but what are your plans now? do you want to stay here longer?”
I gave him a pointed look. “Are you driving us out here?”
“No, What I want to ask is your situation, I am just concerned. Kai is hiding here and left his pack.”
I hummed, well, Kai did not bring that up so we still did not have any plan for now…
“I’ll let you know once Kai and I finally decided.”
Rem nodded, “Alright, thank you for answering. That is all. I have to go now.”
I nodded, watching his retreating figure as the door closed but before he could even leave, the door opened and I saw she wolf that I see long ago.
I nodded, watching his retreating figure as the door closed but before he could even leave, the door opened and I saw a she-wolf that I see long ago.
Amari. 
She still looks like her usual self. Stoic and calm. She’s walking stiffly. her muscles seemed to appear larger than before and I caught Rem’s attention on her.
they bumped on the way due to Amari's figure, and despite being a tall wolf, Rem towered over her.
“I apologize, Alpha Rem,” Amari spoke up. 
Rem just nodded, smiling down at her, “It is alright.”
I smiled at the scene. I want Rem to find his mate, and if that is Amari, it is alright with me…
Amari seemed to act uninterested in Rem's attention. Rem glanced back at me one last time before finally leaving us alone.