"You're in too deep, Tret," he muttered to himself, while grinning in the dimness of three in the morning. His eyes fixed on the man peacefully sleeping beside him—Heo Carter, his best friend with a face that could make heads turn.
As Tret's gaze traveled from Heo's impeccably arched eyebrows to his tempting lips, an irresistible urge to kiss him welled up inside. Countless times, he had yearned to know the feeling of locking lips with the best friend he'd secretly loved for two long years.
Heo was not oblivious to Tret's sexual orientation, having learned about Tret's bisexuality during their first year of college. Surprisingly accepting, Heo saw nothing wrong with it and chose to support his best friend.
Unbeknownst to Heo, Tret's love for him extended beyond friendship, concealed carefully by Tret himself. It wasn't an easy situation for Tret. Painful memories flooded back as he looked at Heo's eyelashes, memories of Heo's past relationships over the years. Tret had pretended to be happy for Heo, congratulating him on his girlfriends, but deep down, he was shattered. Loving a friend, as it turns out, was not an easy feat. It wasn't easy to love Heo secretly, while Heo himself created a love story with others.
Putting on a brave front, Tret outwardly supported Heo while silently crumbling inside. Alone, he allowed himself the luxury of releasing the pent-up pain, tears flowing freely. He couldn't help but blame himself for falling in love with his best friend, realizing the limitations of their relationship were tearing him apart.
Now, two years later, he still had difficulties confessing his feelings. Heo was into girls, perhaps Heo's understanding of his sexual preference was enough. It might be too much to ask Heo to reciprocate his love.
As he gazed at Heo's peacefully sleeping face, tears slowly streamed down his own. Heo's body, his scent, the smiles, and the hugs, everything about Heo made the weak Tret fall in love every day.
No matter how much he wished to erase his feelings, he found himself incapable of doing so. Complicating matters, they were constantly in each other's company, being classmates and sharing the same room in their modest apartment.
What made it even more challenging was his inability to release the intimate emotions he harbored. Tret struggled to distance himself from Heo, maintaining the façade of a regular friendship while concealing his secret affection.
As Heo emitted a snort, Tret hastily and forcefully wiped away the tears that had escaped. A wry smirk played on his lips.
As Tret inched his face closer to Heo, the captivating fragrance of Heo's presence enveloped him. This early-morning endeavor to kiss Heo wasn't the initial attempt—it marked the umpteenth try, and not a single one had succeeded in bridging the gap to Heo's lips. It seemed like an elusive goal.
With each careful movement, Tret's heart threatened to break free from its ribcage. His lips hovered just inches away from Heo's, poised for that elusive contact, creating a charged atmosphere between them.
However, suddenly, he realized the wrongdoing of his actions. He didn't want Heo to wake up suddenly and catch him taking advantage of him while he slept. He couldn't bear to lose him. Heo's unwavering support, even as best friends, was something he cherished.
When Tret turned his attention back to Heo's face, he noticed a tear slipping from Heo's left eye. He wondered if Heo had a bad dream, or perhaps even in his deep sleep, he was still thinking about his long-time girlfriend who had left him for someone else. That was why Heo was sleeping beside him, because he had just broken up with his long-time girlfriend.
He felt sad for Heo. Deep down, he held onto the glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, he would have a chance if Heo found himself single again. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to confess his true feelings. Watching a single tear trickle down Heo's cheek, Tret felt the ache within him intensify.
The pain he experienced witnessing his friend's distress far surpassed the two years of unspoken emotions he harbored for Heo.
What if he were to say he loved him? What would his reaction be? He always wondered and yet was scared, which was why he chose not to confess.
"If I confess my love, will I perish like a dying stream? What do you think of it? Would we still be best friends? But simply loving you in silence was enough. Admitting it would only lead to me either losing myself or losing you—or losing the friendship we both treasured. From this moment on until tomorrow, or until the day I am finally able to let go of my love for a person like you who was never meant to be mine, I would like to say goodbye, yet I don't know how to let you go."
He stood up and left the room. There were four of them living in that apartment. He went to the next room, Han's room, his friend, the only friend who was aware of his feelings for Heo. He knocked three times, and after a moment, the door opened.
Without a word, he entered the room and threw himself onto Han's bed. Han's laptop was still open, the X-site not yet closed. Tret smirked.
"I need a moment here," Tret groaned, closing his eyes.
Han sighed audibly. "Tell me, since when have you been uncomfortable sleeping next to him, Tret?" He shut the laptop with a hint of frustration, unable to discern—or engage in any sexual activity, given Tret's presence. "I thought you'd confess your love the next time he slept beside you. Wasn't that an opportunity? How much longer can you endure hiding your feelings?"
"Forever. If I were someone else, I would've admitted it by now." Tret's voice wavered as he rose to face the conversation head-on. "I've wanted him for two years, but I value our friendship more. He's my best friend. I've tried to kiss him a hundred times, but my conscience won't allow me to even touch my lips to his."