Tret idled away the time after his lunch with Heo. He refrained from asking where Heo was going when he emerged from the bathroom after showering and changing. Heo left without saying goodbye, leaving Tret feeling hurt. It seemed like Heo didn't want to talk to him. The lack of communication during their lunch weighed heavily on Tret, and the absence of even a single word made the situation all the more challenging to endure.
He found himself questioning if Heo was angry with him. What could be the reason? They seemed fine that morning. Was it because he insisted that Heo should see a doctor? There was nothing wrong with that; he was just concerned. It seemed like Heo's nosebleeds weren't normal anymore. He was curious about the contents of the brown envelope Heo was carrying earlier when he left.
He just sighed and collapsed onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling. He wanted to sleep soundly even though it was still noon. He wanted to escape thoughts that blurred the lines, that messed him up. But no matter how tightly he closed his eyes, thoughts of something being wrong with Heo lingered in his mind. Tret clenched his fist as the 'what if's' flooded his thoughts. The only thing he was trying to escape every time he lies on his bed was overthinking. But they seems occupying his being and mind like a long time friend.
This probably wasn't a good day for deep thinking. He wasn't okay. And he was aware the more he he allowing himself to think more, the more he feels bad and hurt at the same time. He hardly avoided overthinking. He wanted to sleep and escape into his thoughts.
But it's as if he was suddenly injected with life, rising up again, only to quickly fall back onto the bed. He cursed under his breath and finally got up. He grabbed his phone, which he had put on charge. He grabbed an iced tea and two chocolates from the fridge. He went out of the house and straight to the apartment's garden. The garden had become his new favorite spot.
He sat in the chair there, put on his earphones, and closed his eyes while munching on the chocolates. His mind somewhat calmed, but the troubling thoughts wouldn't leave him; they clung to him like a second skin. It was a perfect time for him to reflect. Last night, when he confessed his feelings in a nonsensical moment, the inebriated Heo just looked at him funny. But even in his drunken state, he could see Heo's sincerity in being ready to understand him.
And those tight hugs. Tret hugged himself, recalling how satisfying it was to be in Heo's embrace. The warmth of those hugs still lingered. Although they had hugged each other a hundred times before, last night's hug was surreal; it went beyond the past hugs Heo had offered him. Those hugs from the past were somehow driven by friendship. Last night was different; somehow, Tret felt it was romantic, yet irrational. Or was he deluding himself?
He remembered how Heo teased him to express his feelings again. He wanted to be angry at himself. For three years, he had kept his feelings for Heo guarded because he valued their friendship, and he had promised himself not to confess his feelings for Heo.
Why was Heo suddenly interested in delving into Tret's feelings now that he was sober this morning? Tret shook his head in disbelief. It seemed too implausible. He knew that Heo was capable of loving someone, but it would likely be in a platonic manner, devoid of any sexual or romantic attachment. And if that's all Heo wanted? Would Tret be content with that? The answer eluded him.
As he opened his eyes and paused the music, Tret found himself scrolling through his messenger, where he smiled at Han's message inquiring about his well-being. He chose not to respond, merely absorbing Han's words.
But now, his mind was consumed by the prospect of navigating life from this moment onward with Heo. The thought left him uneasy; Tret couldn't envision himself feeling at ease with Heo now that his feelings had been laid bare.
Wouldn't that be strange? He had confessed, yet his feelings remained unchanged. Just because Heo didn't reciprocate didn't mean Tret's emotions would dissipate.
There loomed the possibility that his feelings would only deepen, like a relentless tide. Heo's actions that morning appeared to be the catalyst for these emotions, especially the tender embraces they shared. Yet, Tret's rational analysis contradicted this notion, suggesting that Heo wasn't the source of his sentiments. After all, Heo had his own preferences, none of which aligned with Tret's characteristics. It was disheartening to consider that Heo's actions might solely stem from their friendship.