Tret stepped outside the house and began to walk. With each step, thoughts slowly sank into his mind, perplexing him. This wasn't a new habit for Tret; whenever he felt bored and lonely, he always went out, regardless of where he was going. Davao is a city where life thrived in the streets, with people from different backgrounds walking by, each carrying their own stories.
Much like Tret, he carried a story of confusion. With every step he took away from the apartment, he pondered. What would it feel like if he wasn't in love with his best friend? What would it feel like if he were a straight guy like Heo? What would it feel like if he never met Heo?
He couldn't fathom why he posed those questions to himself. One aspect he recognized within himself, despite it being a detrimental habit, was that he had grown accustomed to, even developed an affinity for, overthinking. In moments of overthinking, he found himself constructing intricate scenarios, often to his own detriment.
Certainly, overthinking is a cognitive process that involves dwelling excessively on negative thoughts, often leading to the creation of elaborate scenarios that may not align with reality. This psychological phenomenon has garnered attention in various studies due to its impact on mental health and overall well-being. Studies in cognitive psychology emphasize the role of cognitive distortions in fueling overthinking. Catastrophizing, wherein individuals envision the worst possible outcomes, and mind reading, assuming the thoughts of others without evidence, are common cognitive distortions associated with overthinking.
Tret couldn't fathom a scenario where he didn't meet his best friend, Heo. Even if he had a time machine, he wouldn't go back to the past and change the course of action he took. The past can't be changed, for it wasn't regretful; he learned from his past. Neither was his past bitter nor the present bittersweet. The bitter thing was living his life in his head—imagining things that he wasn't supposed to imagine. In the end, he was hurting, and much of his expectations were hurting him.
Tret felt warmth welling up in the corners of his eyes. He reached for the shades he carried, even though the sun had disappeared into the darkest sky, signaling an impending rainstorm. The shades concealed his reddened eyes, stained by the tears silently gathering within them.
He let out a deep sigh and quickened his pace. He also felt the cold weather. He removed his shades and entered the 7/11. He went to the shelves of chocolates, but he didn't feel like having sweets. He checked his wristwatch. Three minutes left before six o'clock in the evening.
It was almost five minutes before he decided to take three cold Cali drinks and pay for them at the counter. After paying, he chose to sit at a table outside. After opening one can of Cali, he opened his cellphone, which he hadn't opened since his conversation with Wren this afternoon. He had a message from Han. Han said he had arrived and had brought him a gift. He replied to Han, thanking him. He noticed that Heo had messaged him too. Heo was looking for him. Tret chose not to reply to Heo's message and put down his cell phone.
He raised the can of Cali and drank its contents. After finishing one Cali, he opened another can. Cali wasn't bitter, so he easily finished it. He noticed that Heo was typing. Tret was waiting for his message again.
Syntax Error
Where are you?
He reacted with a heart emoji to Heo's message. Then, he opened another can of Cali. Cali wasn't bitter, so he easily finished it. He noticed that Heo was typing again. Tret was waiting for his message.
Syntax Error
Tret? You saw my message! Where are you? Wherever you are, I'm going to fetch you.
He sighed deeply and typed his reply on his cell phone before sending it.
Algebraic Expression
I'm fine, don't worry.
Heo received it immediately. It was obvious that he was waiting for Tret's reply.
Syntax Error
Where are you? If you're near the house, come home, let's eat together. But if you're kilometers away, tell me, I'll come get you.
He shook his head and replied.
Algebraic Expression
No thanks!
Syntax Error
I'm cooking your favorite adobo, Tret. I've added chili for that extra kick and infused it with good broth, with hints of garlic, ginger, and a touch of lemongrass.
That was Tret's kink, as always when Heo remembered small details about him. Heo always remembered things about Tret and his favorites. How could Tret not love a best friend like Heo? Although it was a best friend gesture, Tret couldn't help but feel the love from Heo's red-carpet treatment. The rain started pouring. Tret finished his last can of Cali, but he felt like never going home, especially now that the rain was pouring hardest.
Syntax Error
Share your location with me. I'm looking for you.
He had no choice but to share his location with Heo. After all, the 7/11 where he was hanging out was close to their apartment. Tret hugged himself because of the coldness. And the rain poured harder. He looked clueless into the void, where raindrops hit the ground and disappeared. But Tret suddenly came to his senses when he saw Heo; he was running towards his direction. Tret thought Heo had brought his car. He was met by the sweetest smiles from Heo. But Tret noticed that Heo was trembling from the cold.
Tret was speechless. But Heo's smiles were comforting. Yet, Tret knew that those sweet smiles concealed Heo's true feelings. Who knows if Heo was disappointed?
"Let's go home, Tret," Heo concluded after noticing that the rain was slowly stopping. "The adobo I cooked might get cold; I'll warm it again," he added and smiled.
Tret stood up. "Heo, you're soaking wet. I thought you brought your car? If I knew you had walked from the apartment to here, I wouldn't have shared my location with you."
Heo shook his head. "It's okay. It's just rain. And I'm worried about you. I thought you were somewhere drinking..."
Tret smirked. "I'm not like you. Alcohol isn't an option for me when I'm disappointed, nor does it lessen the pain."
Heo suddenly held Tret's hand. "Let's go home. It might rain again later."
Tret had no choice but to follow Heo after he let go of his hand and started walking away. They were a meter apart. Heo didn't say anything as he walked. While Tret, he hugged himself and followed his friend. However, suddenly Heo stopped walking and turned his back to Tret.
Heo bit his lower lip before speaking. "What's your problem, Tret?" He asked seriously.
Tret moved closer to Heo. "I'm supposed to be the one asking that question. I feel like you're hiding something from me, Heo. Should I know about it?"
Heo smiled teasingly. "After you confessed your feelings to me last night, I started worrying about you, not because I feel the same, but because of the potential sadness it evokes. You might feel guilty about the confession. And as your best friend, I don't want to see you spending your time processing thoughts. Falling in love with me wasn't your fault, nor mine either. But there's no possibility of us being in a relationship. Do you see how absurd it is?"
It was evident how serious Heo was with his words. So, Tret was being deceptive, dreaming that Heo had feelings for him too, especially after Heo showed interest in discussing his feelings that morning. It felt delusional somehow. Yet, it was clear to him now that Heo was concerned because he was his best friend. Nothing less, nothing more.
"I'm trying to stay on the line as a best friend. Yet, I couldn't help..." Tret stopped. What words should come next? It was blurry. He was perplexed and found no words to add.
"Tret, haven't you asked yourself if you're too handsome to be into boys? To be into me?"
Tret looked directly into Heo's eyes. "What do you mean by that? Is it rejection?"
Heo shook his head with a cold disdain. "The crux of the matter is that I can sense your desperate plea for me to love you, to mirror the pathetic sentiment you harbor. There's no rule preventing the descent into love with a best friend. However, I simply don't want you to get hurt."
A trace of warmth flickered in the corner of Tret's eyes, swiftly replaced by cascading tears. "But I'm already hurt."
Heo forcibly pulled Tret into a hug. "I'm well aware. I've known you've been wallowing in pain for ages now. But honestly, what can I do about it? Since this morning, I attempted to imagine myself as your boyfriend. Yet, it felt downright bizarre. I can say I love you, Tret. But can I really fight for you in that way? I'm not convinced." He tightened the embrace around Tret. "Sorry for dumping this on you. I probably shouldn't add to the agony you're already drowning in."
Heo's response came with a hug, dripping with a cruel tinge. "Maybe it's sufficient that I'm always lingering nearby. I find it amusing the way you cling to me, oblivious to the mockery of my feelings. I'm sorry for foolishly falling for you. But don't get too comfortable; these pathetic emotions will rot away eventually."
Heo pressed a harsh kiss onto Tret's forehead. "However, if the day dawns when I wake up drowning in the same despair you do, I hope you'll still be foolishly holding onto those feelings for me. Right now, it's all a murky process. But I despise committing to promises."
"What matters is the friendship," Tret stated and let go of Heo's hug. "Let's go home. I'm hungry." He stepped away, his tears slowly warming his cheeks.