"How was your day?" Heo's question hung in the air as Tret entered their room.
As he stepped in, Tret sensed a shift in Heo's tone. The way Heo asked about his day didn't seem casual. Was it just his imagination, or was there something different about Heo's demeanor today? Despite Heo always being the one who cared for him, his presence now felt strangely unsettling to Tret.
Heo lay on his bed, facing down, his gaze fixed on Tret, silently awaiting a response.
"It was fine, considering it's the last day of classes. But you know how it is - without classes, life might get a bit dull!" Tret remarked before collapsing onto his bed, closing his eyes. He half-expected a reply from Heo, but the room remained quiet.
Minutes later, Tret felt Heo massaging his feet. Tret opened his eyes and slowly sat up. He locked eyes with Heo, and their silent exchange felt like a dance of understanding, a moment where words were unnecessary.
Heo smiled at him, but this time, the smile felt different. Tret sensed that it wasn't just the smile of a best friend; it felt intimate and charged with something more. He noticed the movement of Heo's Adam's apple, the way he slowly bit his lower lip. Was this real, or was Tret simply imagining things? It wouldn't be the first time his imagination ran wild. He saw a spark in Heo's eyes, and he felt an electric current whenever Heo's gaze met his while he massaged his foot.
"Is it good?" Heo asked, still smiling.
"What do you mean?" Tret replied, clearly missing the meaning behind Heo's words. His mind was preoccupied with other thoughts. But when he looked at Heo, who had stopped massaging his foot, it was as if he had been doused with cold water. "Ah... the foot massage? Yes, it feels good. It's tiring to move from one class to another, after all."
"Poor you," Heo teased with a chuckle. "Done. My palms and fingers were numbing." He stood and sat next to Tret, playfully tousling Tret's hair. "So, what's the plan for next week? Or what's your plan, since it's academic break?"
Tret sighed deeply. "I don't know. What are Wren and Han planning?" He stood up and faced Heo. "But if Han and Wren are the ones planning, it might just be another doodle." He laughed.
Heo shook his head. "No, this time, I want just you and me. I want to spend this academic break with you. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or in the days to come." He swallowed hard. "Time is unpredictable, and death is inevitable."
Tret could see the sadness in Heo's eyes. He saw that Heo, the man sitting in front of him, seemed fragile. "Why are you talking like that? I don't know what you mean. It's not good, Heo," Tret cautioned.
"It's not bad. Who knows..."
"Enough!" interrupted Tret. "If you're not okay, Heo, you can rest now."
"But...what if!" Heo protested, pulling Tret's right hand and holding it tightly.
"Heo, listen, I don't know what's on your mind, but it seems you're not okay!" Tret caressed Heo's face.
"Before you wonder if I'm okay or not, or if you're being insensitive talking about death as inevitable, or if you accept my disappearance, I don't care if you stick to the taboo of not talking about death," retorted Heo.
Tret withdrew his hand, feeling how Heo's hand let go of his. "I just can't. I can't bear the thought of losing you. Please, don't disappear." He sighed, but then tears followed. Closing his eyes while crying felt comforting. Heo stood up and swiftly caught those tears, drying Tret's cheeks with his smooth palm.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He gave Tret a forehead kiss. "I didn't know you could look cute crying!" teased Heo as he tried to open Tret's eyes. Tret resisted, so Heo pinched Tret's cheeks instead.
"Ouch... you think you're funny?" Tret choked out, "try it for a second time and you'll meet death... since you want it, I'll give it to you. Death is inevitable, right?" Tret deadpanned.
"And you think you can terrify me, Mr. Shorty? even if I have to kidnap you" teased Heo.
"I can't believe you said that..." Tret huffed.
"I wasn't lying. You are small." Heo mocked.
Tret ignored him. "Yes, I know I'm small!"
Heo chuckled. "Good kid, Tret." He then stood up and returned to his bed, sitting down. "I want us to go back to the place where you took me before, in Koronadal. I want to go back there, I missed the place." His voice sounded pleading.
Tret simply nodded, taking a seat on the edge of his bed as well. "You did mention that if you could go out with someone, it would be her."
Heo suddenly looked at Tret. "Really? Did I say that?"
"You did, Heo. What's wrong, starting to forget things already? Is that an elderly thing?" Tret teased.
"Okay, I did mention it." Heo affirmed. "Well, you know what happened to me. It seems like no one stays. I don't know why." He sighed deeply. "Or, Tret, is it because of the rumor that I'm a player?"
He was trying to say that he is the one who would stay. And for a certain reason, Heo was aware of that, yet the word behind the latter intention exclusive to his need as a man. Since the day of his confession until now, neither of them has spoken of it nor would one vocalize it. Then, the words that he vocalized rang true. There was a rumor before that Heo is a player. And that was true. But it was Heo's old self. He was a good man now. For the past few months, Tret hadn't heard that Heo was dating someone.
"Nope, right time, Hey. You're the best man!" Tret assured Heo.
Heo smiled. "Thank you, Tret. You always see both the good and bad sides of me. Isn't it tiring to remain best friends even though I hurt you most of the time? I feel guilty knowing that I am always the reason why you're crying!" He stared at Tret.
"Don't give me that look, Heo!" Tret smirked. "The fact that most friendships cause heartbreak, and I hate the thought that one day you'll replace me with another best friend, it's a thought I can't bear. I hate the idea that one day we'll become strangers and you'll become someone I don't know. There are things, however, that I've accepted, for example, my feelings for you, which you couldn't reciprocate."
Heo shook his head. "It's not that I couldn't or I can't. Loving you, to be honest, Tret, is the easiest thing in this world; you are kind, a good guy, caring, and someone who never gave up on me. It's just that somehow I cannot handle two losses if it goes wrong. I am guilty, while you were secretly in love with me, I was a fool, telling you about my love life, and asking for your support."
"I'm your best friend, Heo, that can't be changed. I might fall in love with you again and again, who knows? Whenever I look at you, I see a good best friend. Until I realized that I loved you." He laughed, but the truth was, only a single hot tear dropped. "I couldn't believe myself that I let my own heart break itself and stay best friends with you?"
"So, there are times you thought of letting go of our friendship?"
Tret smiled bitterly. "It's one thought out of a million, Heo."
Heo stood up and went onto Tret's bed, next to his best friend. "Tret, I'm sorry if sometimes I give hints that I reciprocate your feelings. I am a fine mess."
Tret couldn't find words to respond. Heo's words were true. He was confused, and sometimes Tret felt odd because of Heo's actions and words, something Tret hadn't anticipated. He thought it was time to expect less, and the truth was, he was ready to let go of the little feelings he had for Heo.