Chapter 20
I don't know what happened next but everything happen so fast. The only thing I can see right now is darkness, standing alone in the darkness without anyone beside me. I walked and walked, it feels like an eternity. I walked further and deeper in the darkness began hearing voices, pain screams, and very unsettling sounds that pierced my brain.
I could see them, I see the nine people in my illusion- standing at my sides and was watching me walking.
"What do we do now? Is this how it ends? Is this what you want Sunoo?!"
I stop walking when I heard Doyoung's voice inside my head. I turned around and saw him already standing in front of me. I frowned, what is he trying to say? What I want...
"Do you think you...can kill me Sunie?!" It's San, suddenly popping out behind Doyoung.
I stared at them in confusion. I don't get what are they trying to say.
"How pathetic, you will die,"
I turned around when I heard Seulji's voice. I saw her standing not far away from me, blood spurting out her mouth. What?
"If you can kill me then I die and you free to go, live with that two wrenches!" From my left side, Yeonjun appeared- blood flowing down his face with blood over his mouth.
"I know, someone like you can't keep their words," To my right is Juyeon, his arms were covered in blood.
"Please, don't do this. How about your sister? She's still waiting for your comeback." Beside Juyeon was Beom, standing with a blank face- blood flowing out from the long cut that looped around his neck.
"Please be safe. Once he attacked me, please run fast as you could to that door alright?" Behind Yeonjun, Xion steps to the front- looking at me like I'm the worst person.
"Don't cry! Don't be pathetic! This is what San wanted to do! You must prepare yourself to get out of here you understand?!" I don't want to turn around, I know Jaemen was there- throwing glares behind me.
"Go now!" In my front is Sichen.
"Don't look back."
I closed my eyes not wanting to either look at them. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want to wake up!
A cold hand grip my shoulder and it harshly turned me around.
"Look back!" It's my voice. I open my eyes and I see myself standing in front of me. He pointed something behind me. I shook my head, scared. I'm scared they'll appear again and tell those things that I don't know why. It sounds like they were blaming me for some horrible reason.
"Look back and you will know what's fake and real. What are you dreaming of? Make yourself wake up from the fake reality you were in right now."
What? I live in my dream. I remember me inside of the car with the others then we saw that woman and we almost fall into the cliff.
Wait, did we fall? Did I die?
"Look back." It's my voice again. I sound demanding.
I open my eyes and saw a mirror in the middle of the darkness. I stepped closer to that mirror. I stared at it until the weird feeling inside me slowly rebuilt up, the familiar feeling. The emotions I've been kept burying for so long spilling from me in a flood. It fills my skull and my throat and lungs are burning.
I can feel myself splintering in the throes of its despair, a dark mirror to my own.
The mirror slowly showed images, something- or someone. I watched as an apparition built in the mirror. I gasp, my eyes widening- my heart won't stop beating painfully fast. I clenched my chest while staring at the image in the mirror. It's me and the other one who looks like Hyunsung, it's a photo- an old photo. Under it, there's a name that graves on it.
Lee Junhyuk and Lee Hyeopil a.k.a Lee Sunie and Lee Sunoo.
What? I feel my blood rush up to my head. I clenched my chest hard, trying to figure out what this was all about. I looked back at the photo again. I stared at the boy who have the name of Lee Hyeopil. He has the same face as Hyunsung, a perfect nose, thick brows, foxy eyes, and a mole under the eye. But his mole was on the left, plump lips and dark hair that looks smooth.
Why there was a random name crave under his image-
"You still didn't get it my dearest twin Hyeopil?"
I stiffed after hearing my voice behind me. I turned around and saw Sunie standing in front of me.
"You're taking it too much. You didn't get it?"
"What are you talking about?!" I asked, frustrated and confuse about what is happening. Why I'm seeing myself in front of me?
"It's not Seunghyun or the masters, Hyeopil...it's you all along. It's your desire. You put yourself inside of your illusion. All the world you were in, it's all over in your head."
I held my head. I can't understand. What is he talking about? Why is myself talking like it was all my fault? It's Seunghyun right? It's their fault, not mine!
"You wanted to be me but you cannot! You're so jealous and your desires took over you- trap yourself inside of your illusion!"
Slowly, everything is clicking. The way they cherish me like I'm their treasure. The way Seunghyun told me that I'm a rare one and most special species back in the ward...is because that's what I want. I wanted to be Sunie and treated like their lives was depend on me but reality hurts me a lot. Even I'm perfect too like Sunie, I'm nothing to be compared to someone like him. I'm not satisfied with myself, I'm not satisfied in everything I had because I'll never have what Sunie had in life.
I turned to look at the mirror again and this time I see my reflection. I saw my true self, my true body, my true face, my sins.
Now I get why all of the guys in my dream want me, love me- because I wanted to be loved too. Not to be ignored by everyone. I wanted to be cherished like Sunie.
I'm Lee Hyeopil and not Lee Sunie.
I smiled sourly, I feel like Hyunsung is the one in front of me. I can't believe we are look-alike and...
I'm a villain. In reality, they don't love me. They don't love me.
"Stop pretending to be me Hyeopil. Look at yourself and wake up from this fake reality you created,"
I turned around and saw a door. If I open that door I'm finally out of this fake reality right? Everyone will despise me again.
I step forward to the door, remembering all the fake past I once created inside my head. Seunghyun is not one to blame or Jihae. It's me all along.
I held the doorknob and twisted it open. It's time for me to face the reality. The real world.
-
Back when Sunie and I were nine years old, our home was raided by that crazy woman and that guy with a panama hat. They killed our father and invaded our whole property. I'm too angry with our mother for abandoning us. I blame her for what all happened.
The crazy woman wants to adopt me, she wants to get me and be with her husband when I grow up while the Panama guy wants Sunie to be one of his best sales. Hopefully, we manage to escape because the police came just in time. The good neighbor called the police after witnessing the commotion.
I'm now beside the interstate with Sunie at my side, with cars all around, and light to see. We were safe...for now. I sobbed, holding Sunie close to my side. A car suddenly stops in front of us. I quickly pulled Sunie behind, glaring at the car in front of us. Thinking this car is from those bad guys again.
A woman wearing a white blouse with a black duster jacket and dress pants, pair of black high heels came out from the car- holding a black umbrella. A pendant with a cross looped around her neck like a necklace- it's a necklace anyway. She's looking down at us with a worried face. She's kind of an angel because of her kind face.
"Are you lost?" She kindly asked and Sunie shook his head. But I explain to her what happened and she seems to believe what I said. She took out her phone and dialed someone. I believe it's the police?
Minutes ago, she end her call and looked at us again. "So, you two are orphans. Come, I'll bring you to Sister Harem's."
She opened the back seat, letting us in. I was hesitant at first but when she assure me that it was okay, I jump in, pulling Sunie with me. The woman closed the door. I watched the woman jump into her car. She looked at us in the rear mirror. I squeezed Sunie's hand. She smiled wide.
"Don't be scared. Sister Harem loves kids so much. Don't worry you'll meet the other kids soon." She said and I begin to feel uneasy. I can't trust her but there's no shelter for us to stay this night.
I pulled Sunie, hugging him close to me as the woman smiled even more. Turning her car engine before driving away.
I thought, she'll bring us to somewhere dangerous but when they bring us to the police station where I feel relieved. I thought she will bring us there. Or that was I want to hear? I remember what she said.
"Don't worry I'll bring you to the police station alright?"
Why I'm thinking things that shouldn't be thinking? After then someone called and claimed us to be her sons. When she showed up, my stomach curled in hatred, I know...I hate to see her again after she abandoned us. Our mother.
"Do you remember now who you are?"
-
I don't know why my love for Sunie turned to hatred. Is it because he's been in the center of attention? While I was being ignored by everyone? Mother always loves him more than me and 'always' compares me to him. I remember when our stepfather said that I'm nothing compared to Sunie. He's almost the sunshine in this freaking mansion. Everyone loves him, everyone treasures him, everyone treated him like he was some kind of a rare species that needed to care for. Everyone wants him and takes good care of him like he was a fragile-looking expensive glass displayed in the museum.
Sunie is like a god for everyone while I'm the opposite.
"Who is that kid?" Someone asked when I'm passing to play toys with myself in my room. My ears perked and stop in to halt, I peeked at my stepfather and his friend talking in his office.
"Who? The one in the picture earlier?" He's talking about the huge family picture- without me- that hangs in the living room.
"No, the one who passed in front of your office. He's beautiful." He said and chuckled. "He looks like my son. They have the same features."
"Oh, that kid? He's our Sunie's younger twin. He is kind of shy and very introverted to everyone. He always stays in his room." He said even the truth that he and his mother felt ashame of having me in their family. Even mother doesn't tell it directly, it's obvious how she treated me like trash. Always want me to hide inside my room and get angry whenever one of her friends saw me.
"Such a waste for someone have a pretty face like my Hyunsung." Mr. Hwang chuckled while uncle laughed awkwardly.
"I'm sure your son is flattered right now if he is here."
I didn't listen long and walked away. Few of their friends and relatives tell me that I have a good face but compare to Sunie- he always shines a lot. Someone joked around and she said, I'm the moon while Sunie is the sun and soon the moon will kill the sun.
Years have passed and we both high schoolers now- just when I met his friends, his nine friends. I didn't meet them in person, I just happen to see them around, hanging in the playroom every week when their parents pay a visit. I'm always stuck in my room whenever they are around because that was what my mother wanted.
I'm staring at the dead cat that lay above my workbook. I put on the gloves and throw the cat out of the window, startling the maid who cleaned the backyard.
I close my workbook and get the lighter and gas. I ran to the kitchen and get the knife. I went to the garage and stole my uncle's car. But I know that was a bad idea. When I arrive late at home, my father greeted me with a punch. Mother and Sunie are already behind him, watching me with pity.
"Who told you to get out of this house and use my car?!" Uncle yelled angrily, stomping his feet on me. I heard Sunie and mother yelp but didn't dare to help me. He beat me to death while they watching, do nothing aside from that.
I groan in pain when he violently pulled my hair. "Listen, kid," he spats, gripping my hair tightly. "If we told you not to go outside of the house, don't!"
I don't get why they hated me going outside. They hated me for going to school too. They not allowing me to go anywhere except my room. I did that night was cry in misery, swearing at them. All of them, I swear to take my revenge someday.
Sunie didn't come to talk to me that day. He change when we start in high school. He becomes so distant to me. Whenever I tried to hang with him, he just rush away. It seems like he dislikes me like our parents.
Sunie has so many friends and everyone adores him in his school. He's smart, active in sports, and many more, while me? Hide alone in this room and ever since, not allowed to go outside. They hated me for carrying their name, Lee. Did I ask why? And someone told me because they can see something sinister deep in my eyes. Something they feared and that fear will come out soon.
Until I realized what that sinister they seeing, Is because I have psychotic illnesses such as schizophrenia that can sometimes be associated with aggressive or violent behavior. My illness worsens after not receiving effective treatment. I soon realized why they hated me, why ignoring me, why feared me. I crumpled the people that have the results of my illness. The maid in front of me began frightened that I might hurt her.
"How I can be...how I have that illness?" I asked in my shivering voice. "There's nothing wrong with me right?!" I shouted, causing her to jump on her ground.
"Sad to say but...you have- "
I remember when I first killed a human in my entire life. After killing the maid, hiding his body for weeks before deciding to put it inside the refrigerator to scare Sunie or anyone in this house. The anticipation and desire of killing someone took over me.
Someone saw me and when I turned around, it was the maid.
My hands trembled, getting the knife and stabbing it in her throat. A spurt of blood. The satisfying sound of a body hitting the floor- sounds like music to my ears. I stared down at the knife, the flash of its blade giving me the courage to kill more. Someone is whispering in my ears, he wants me to kill them.
I hold the knife tightly and laughed maniacally like a crazy person, and maybe I was crazy but who was me to judge?
I feel like I was god, deciding who lived and who died in my hands. It was an addicting feeling, one I craved and was desperate to feel again. It was like a hand clawing at my chest, suffocating until I gave into the toxic and evil ideology that harassed my peaceful thought relentlessly.
I heard a noise from upstairs. I remember his friends stayed here overnight. I dug my thumb onto the knife, drawing blood but I feel nothing but desperation to kill who was close to Sunie.
They asked who just laughed. I chuckled darkly not when the light from the kitchen turned on. I turned around and saw the mother.
Her eyes staring the blood on my hands, knife, and on my shirt. Her face paled even more when she saw the dead body lying across her.
"Hyeopil?! What did you do?!"
"Having fun mother!" I chirped.
I almost killed my mother that night. I was in the reach of satisfaction of killing someone I hated the most. But uncle mess it up, he looped his arms around my neck, grabbing my wrist and smashing it on the sink causing me to drop the knife. I fought with him but of course, I'm beaten. What do I expect from someone who has a big body like my uncle? I'm still starting in my teenage life- so it's obvious that he will win.
After that incident, they chained me, locked under the house- in the basement.
Ever since I felt nothing but madness and the urge to kill more people. Mother can't take any more of my wailing and decided to talk to uncle and lock me in my room instead.
My daily life is a torture.