"What? Did you just say his name? It's really different when you haven't moved yet."
I just glared at Treize, he's annoying. All I could think about was the man I could see not far from me and that man is also looking at me. I thought he's already left to France. Is it really true that he is here or is it just part of my freaking hallucination?
I was about to walk because I wanted to see him closer to make sure he was really the one I was seeing but someone held my hand to stop me. And obviously, it was Treize. I glared at him.
"What is it again, Treize?" I rolledmy eyes before took his hand away.
But when I looked again at the place where luke had been before, he was gone now. What happened? I run towards that place and looked around but there's no one. I took a deep breath and looked down.
"Aish! You freak, self. Whoever it is isn't luke, stop it," I whispered.
I was about to go back inside but four students hit my back hard and it hurts. I just closed my eyes because of the pain but also smiled when I faced them.
"Oh my god! I'm sorry. We're sorry, ee didn't mean to," They said at the same time but I just smiled.
"It's fine. No worries." I bit my lower lip and still trying to stand up straight.
"I'm really sorry again. We'll go first." I just nodded and smiled. After they left, I made sure they were really gone and then I released the pain I felt in my back.
"Oh my god. Ouch! Shit! This is too much." I took a lot of breathe. I also sat on the floor because I suddenly felt weak.
"Blaire! Shit! What happened? Your wound is bleeding. Let's go! I'll take you to the clinic." Treize helped me to the clinic.
The nurse treated my wound immediately so that the bleeding will stop. Treize was supposed to call mommy and daddy earlier but I said don't because they will get angry again because I went out without their permissions. Then I told him what had happened.
"You know, you're really stubborn. You know your wound isn't healed yet but you came out-"
"Cut the sermon, please." I cut him off. It's irritating me. It seems like my guilt is too big.
"Tsk! I don't know what to do with you. You said earlier that 'It gives me creeps when I hear his name so don't ever say his name again or else you're dead meat' , but you said his name before."
I pouted before look at him. "Because I saw him there, in front of the entrance of the cafeteria. I was just shock and wondering."
"Really?" He sarcastically asked me while raising an eyebrow. I just chuckled because of his looks, he looks like a gay.
"Why are you laughing?" He asked.
I looked at him, head to toe before laughed a little. "Because you look like a gay."
"Tsk!"
"Anyway, I'm sure of it, I saw him standing at the entrance of the cafeteria. I saw him earlier, I swear!" I insisted even though it was obvious that he wouldn't really believe in me.
"Really? But there's no one, right?" I looked away and sighed deeply before slowly nodded. "You're just thinking him that's why you think you saw him."
I took a deep breath and slap myself, but it's not too hard, I don't think that I can hit myself too hard. I may look crazy. "I'm tired. I'll just go home."
Treize touched my shoulder so I looked at him. "I only get serious once so listen carefully. I just read this somewhere and this hit me so hard that's why I want to tell you this." I nodded
"I know this is common but 'Everything happens for a reason'. If you truly love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's meant to be. If not, it wasn't meant to be, comes to mind. There is a plan for you and this was placed on your path for a reason. That reason may not reveal itself to you right away, but in due time, you'll look back and realize that this relationship made you more appreciative of love, stronger, or showed you can care about someone else more than yourself. l"
I slowly nodded. "Okay. I understand."
"Blaire, we all know that this is really hard for you... but you need to accept this situation and let him go for you to be able to move forward. You should."
I slowly nodded. "Don't worry, I will."
He smiled. "That's good." He helps me to walk straight. "And just let yourself feel what you need to feel. Okay?" I nodded.
Until we got to the opposite side of my car, he helped me get inside, but before I left I looked at him first. "Thank you! Join them. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? You know, I can–" I cut him off using my hands.
I smiled. "I can take care of myself. And I will not think of him again." He just nodded so I left him there.
When I got home, manang immediately greeted me and asked why I went home immediately, I said I have nothing to do there, I'll just mess around in my room. Trixie is not here, she went to the market according to manang. I just shrugged and went upstairs.
When I'm already in my room, I took a quick bath and after that, I sat in front of my vanity mirror. I see myself, and I noticed that I have eyebags now and one small pimple on my chin. Oh my god!
"Are you for real?" I talk to myself. "Well, not bad. It's just one and you, eyebags, how dare you to show your eyebags in front of many people? Huh?"
I may be crazy now! I just stretched out on my bed and fiddled with my cellphone. Then I decided to call Allen, I just want to ask something about darcy. Well, after all, I'm still worried.
"Good afternoon!" I said with a happy voice, that's plastic!
["Oh, good afternoon, too. What did you call me?"] His voice is obviously tired.
I looked at the ceiling. "Did you get sleep well or just get some rest? Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm just worried."
He sneezed suddenly. ["I know! I just feel so tired. Honestly, I want to rest the whole day but I can't. I need to watch and protect her."]
I nodded as if he will see it. "But you need to get some rest. Anyway, how is she?" I asked.
["Nothing change. She's still wild and violent. No one can protect her but me, I will protect her for the rest of my life, I swear."]
My brows furrowed. "Wait. What do you mean by that? Don't tell me... you are in love with her?"
I heard him chuckled so I feel relieved. ["Then I won't tell you."]
I covered my mouth because of shock. I didn't even think of it that Allen fell in love with her. "Oh my god! Is it really true?"
["Since we were kids. I'm the one who always protects her since then, I always give her my love and full attention because her family can't do that."]
"I don't know what to say. You're in pain and I'm in pain as well. We both in pain so I don't know how to comfort you as a friend."
["It's okay. Oh, wait. I have to go now. I'll tell you how we met next time, if you're free and if I'm also free."]
"Sure. Take care always." I ended the call after that.
Is love and life really like this, when you are hurting, you will also meet someone who is hurting like you. The difficulty is, you don't know how to comfort each other.
Since there was nothing I could do, I decided to just fix my bookshelf. And I just notice right now that I had so many books right here.
"Should I take away some of these books?" I asked myself. "Psh!" I shook my head and just decided not to tamper with those books.
I don't know but I feel more tired even though that I did nothing except lie down all day and talk to my friends. And I can't help but think of what happened earlier, maybe Treize is correct, I might be imagining him to the point that I saw him earlier.
But my heart says, the man I saw earlier is real Luke, like he was not just part of my imagination, he was real but my mind says the opposite. I closed my eyes out of irritation.
My mind, come on, don't think about him again, he's not worth it to think and... he's nothing from now on.
I thought before that when you love someone, you won't be hurt too much but I was wrong. Because when you fall in love or enter into a relationship, you have to be prepared for what can happen, you will risk your heart as well, you must know how to properly handle the relationship you have entered into. Being in a relationship is not all about 'sweetness' there are times that you will feel pain even though you shouldn't.
And you should also know your responsibilities to your partner. You should make her/him happy, you should be loyal to her/him, you should respect her/him in everything, and of course, you should love her/him to the point that you will never look at others because she/he is the only one your eyes can see.
You love each other, you chose it so you should know how to handle your relationship with her/him, so take time and find out if you really are for each other. And I didn't do that.
Oh wait! I'll just add this one. 'Karma says, cheating is a choice not a mistake. And loyalty is responsibility not a choice.' I get this one.
Every hour, day, week, month, and year passed quickly. I didn't even realize that my graduation was tomorrow. I don't know what should I do right now.
I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I should cry, if I should thank them first, if I should hug them one by one, or if I should prepare myself for my speech tomorrow first.
All I can say... I am really happy for myself because I survive those things I've felt before.
In the past, I learned to love myself before other people because how can I love others if I can't even love myself, right?
"Blaire! This is what we will wear for tomorrow!" Claire suddenly went in to my room while holding our gowns, hoods, and mortarboard.
"Is it beautiful, isn't?" She asked while still looking at the gowns. I just smiled and slowly nodded.
She looked at me unbelievable. "What? Is that how you react? You don't seem happy amd excited for tomorrow."
I chuckled before faced her. "What are you talking about? I just... don't know what to say. But I'm really happy."
She didn't answer, instead, she shook her head and left me because she needs to take a bath, she has an unpleasant smell.
That's true, I can't really explain how I feel. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm just happy because tomorrow, finally, I'm done!
I went out of my room and go downstairs. It's already 5:25 pm and I feel hungry now, but my eyes suddenly turned heart because of what I'm seeing right now. The dining table is full of luscious and aromatic foods. Hmm! Exciting!
"Mommy? Why there are so many foods? Is there an occasion?" I asked my mom when I sat down beside her.
She smiled at me. "Yes! Tomorrow is the graduation of the both of you."
"I know. But why did the celebration come first?" I laughed a little. Mom didn't answer me, she just continue eating so I just started to eat, too.
The zest of the feeling! We were all happy and complete eating at the same time at the dinner table. Before, I thought it would never happen again but I was wrong, I see now, it is happening and will happen again.
After we ate, we went to our respective rooms to rest. Because tomorrow, it will be a tiring day for us. But me, I didn't sleep first, I went to the veranda and hugged the cold breeze.
Somehow, my heart doesn't hurt every time I think of him, just like now. I wonder how he is, if he is happy with Margareth, in their life as a married couple, and if... he still thinks about me.
My last news was that he actually married Margareth. We just heard that somewhere but there is no certainty yet. But for me, I felt that they were really married because that was the last thing he said, that he would return to France to marry her.
But even so, I still couldn't help but be angry at him so instead of thinking about it, I just went inside and started forcing myself to sleep again.
"Goodnight self, tomorrow will be the best moment in my life."