I don't know why. But lately, I feel that I'm feeling strange. My feelings as well as my thoughts feel so chaotic, it's like I can't control myself.
 
"Are you okay?" asked Lily, the little girl I helped when she dropped her fruit basket. Since then, that little girl has been hanging out with me.
 
"No, I'm not. I've been feeling weird lately," I complained.
 
Lily was silent, and somehow in my eyes, she looked like she knew something but didn't want to tell me.
 
I really wanted to ask her, but the sensitive Lily seemed to be trying to divert it. It was like she didn't want to tell me and just changed the subject.
 
"Do you know something Lili?"
 
Lily just kept quiet. But her gestures showed that she felt like she was agitated.
 
Seeing Lily's reaction, I felt even more curious about what was really going on. However, I also felt bad about forcing her to tell me what she knew. Maybe there was some reason why she didn't want to tell me.
 
But it seemed like Lily just felt more and more uncomfortable with me. Finally, I decided not to be too pushy. I chose to accept my strange feelings and try to solve this problem on my own. While thinking, I recalled the wise words that were often spoken by many people: "Don't focus too much on your sadness or anxiety, look for small things that can make you happy, and enjoy every moment of that happiness."
 
I pondered for a moment, and recalled all the little joys I had experienced. I began to smile and feel better after choosing to focus on the positive things in my life.
 
"Saeran are you alright?" chided Lily.
 
I smiled and showed her that everything was fine. "Of course. There's nothing to worry about Lily," I told her.
 
For some reason now it was Lily's face that turned worried. In just a matter of minutes both of our positions changed.
 
"I'm becoming worried about you," she said.
 
I waved my hand in front of my face. "There's nothing to worry about here. Ah... how about taking a walk, I think we're worrying too much about unnecessary things," I said trying to forget the uncomfortable feeling.
 
Then, I took Lily to play in the park, and all the grief that had been there began to be forgotten. I learned that sometimes, there's nothing wrong with talking about our problems, but we also have to know when to accept ignorance of a problem so that we can survive and thrive.
 
Isn't that the way it should be? I know... and have always known it well. This kind of feeling, shouldn't it be easier to ignore?
 
***
 
"Saeran... can I ask your opinion?" asked Lily.
 
I looked at the little girl for a moment. "Of course."
 
Before Lily could really get into what she wanted to talk about, she sounded like she was mumbling. "If you knew what you shouldn't know, would you be willing to accept it or ignore it?"
 
I furrowed my brow in curiosity. Lily in my eyes really looked like a child, but somehow the questions she asked me, really sounded like adult questions. I'm starting to doubt her real age now.
 
"Honestly, I might be surprised. But on the one hand of course, if I have to find out in the end, maybe I'll try to keep an open mind," I replied trying to be honest. I myself was not even sure of the words I had just said.
 
"Ah... you really answered that well. It seems like you can definitely, accept something unexpected with an open mind. I can trust you." Lily smiled and for some reason her smile really did look very sweet. She felt like she was very happy. I don't know what made her feel that way just by hearing my words.
 
"Did I say something out of the ordinary. You seem to be overreacting, I even doubt every word that comes out of my mouth." I felt inferior as soon as I heard the praise thrown by Lily.
 
Lily shook her fist. She took my hand, then grasped it tightly. "I believe in you. You shouldn't feel inferior. There's nothing wrong with me choosing to be around you."
 
I felt even more doubtful now. Why did Lily make me feel as if I had saved this world? Was she sure it was not wrong to say those words to me.
 
I withdrew my hand that was tightly grasped by Lily. "I even doubted myself. It was precisely when I listened, your words that tried to make my self-esteem better. I just felt slapped by reality. To be honest, those sweet words sounded painful and somewhat hurt my feelings." I myself by no means intended to make Lily feel disappointed. I knew she was just trying to say nice words for me, but I felt like I didn't deserve those words from her.
 
"No... I never meant to make you feel that way. I apologize if my words just now made you feel uncomfortable." Lily looked at me with regret.
 
The regret she showed made it even more obvious that I felt bad for her. Ah I did wrong to her, I thought frantically.
 
"No, you didn't. You're not wrong. Just forget it. Everything will always turn out okay in the end. Can you believe that?"
 
Lily shook her head. "I know, you won't be okay. Don't cover up your own feelings."
 
"I have nothing to cover up."
 
Lily tried to grab my hand again, but this time I brushed her off. "I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about here." I don't know if even as I said it, I felt unsure of my own words. I felt like I was lying to myself. But instead of wanting to say something honest, I was more unable to say it. Did honesty hurt that much and make me feel unsure about telling the truth. The truth... that I'm not feeling okay for example?
 
Lily sighed. She looked disappointed. She looked at me sadly. "I hope, you never stop trying to be honest with yourself. I know that telling the truth will probably, feel so painful. But trust me that when you say it, you will feel better. No matter what happens I will still support you."
 
"Your words are so wise. Even I feel inferior when I hear them directly from you. Somehow I'm convinced... that the more mature one here is you, not me." I patted the top of Lily's head. Hearing her words always made me feel certain that she was more than just an ordinary child. After all, if you think about it, it's impossible for children to say such mature words. From the moment I met Lily, I believed that she was not a child. I believed that she might be another embodiment, whose name I might not know.