“If Earth had two moons, it would be catastrophic. An extra moon would lead to larger tides and wipe out major cities.”
–Gina Echevarria and Shira Polan
. . .
Damian was whistling a merry tune while he did his usual stopover for some well-deserved midnight snack/dessert before heading back to his room, picking out a dulce de leche flavored cake that would undoubtedly rot the average person's teeth to non-existence.
But then again, Damian had a sweet tooth ever since, most likely the main reason why his friendship with Cassandra persisted throughout the years (other than spoiling her rotten with sweets and just overall being a bad influence when it really comes down to it) and can you blame him?
He practically runs on sugar to function anyway.
Funny enough, he remembered that one time he ordered the most sweetest of sweets back in Sicily a few years ago–a heavily customized monstrosity of a cupcake that would no doubt bring him straight to the path of diabetes–while the Lunamors just looked upon him with a curious mix of awe and horror in their eyes.
Pfft, who would have thought even the princess had her limits?
“Jackpot~!” Damian chirps as he begins to make his way towards his room where he wouldn’t be nagged about his eating habits by his nosy staff.
Taking out his phone and scrolling through Mugbook mindlessly, he liked a few of Cyan’s posts; something about videogames that the kid was playing at the moment. Hm, sounds fun… wait, they’re in the same country right now, so why the heck was he even awake at this hour?!
Frowning, Damian typed in a quick text that he hoped the kid would read quickly: Cy, go to sleep or I’ll tell Cassie on you!
The only response was a scowling emoji.
Damian huffed out a laugh.
Balancing his plate of cake, he clumsily opened the door with the other (seeing as he was still holding his phone), Damian finally got inside his room just as he scrolled through some of the notifications he still hadn’t seen yet.
Ooh, one of Color’s pet shelters had some news!
Damian didn’t bother reading through the post and simply hit like on the adorable pictures that Colorado no doubt painstakingly took himself. He snickered. For all Colorado’s tough guy act, even his friend couldn’t hide how much he adored animals, mainly puppies and kittens.
It's actually kind of funny to Damian that Colorado has more interest in animals than in women… or men, for that matter. Come to think of it, Colorado never has shown any interest in people.
Except his family, that is.
But that’s a given.
(“My hands are tied right now and since we’re most likely going to be brothers-in-law by the end of the year, can I expect you to keep the princess safe for me?”)
A shiver runs down Damian’s spine as he recalls his last conversation with Colorado… while there was particularly nonthreatening with how Colorado had said those words, Damian still quite vividly remembers the way his friend’s usually light gray eyes look darker.
The same way Colorado (or his little sister) would do whenever he’s refraining himself from beating someone up.
Maybe that's why.
(It was definitely why.)
The heirs of the Lunamor family had a much stricter upbringing than Damian–and that was saying something because he is the prince of a country at that–and ever since that fateful car accident, Colorado has grown quite paranoid about his and his siblings’ security.
Well, that… and their grandfather wasn’t quite helping.
No wonder Colorado preferred his dogs and cats over humans for company… but even so, Damian couldn’t help but be curious.
Personally, Damian had been quite the player a few years back, that was until he met Willie of course… a-ahem, anyways, getting off track. Look. The point is, even someone as antisocial as Cassandra was capable of being interested on someone that wasn’t work-related, so surely there was a person out there that Colorado could be interested in…
Maybe a volunteer from the shelter? A vet?
Damn it, the suspense is killing him.
Damian just had to know–
Light BULB!
An idea popped into his mind, and then he grins, a near copy of the Cheshire cat as he immediately exits Mugbook and goes straight to a recently downloaded app.
Cupid’s Calculator was its name–a cheesy app he sees some of his personal maids from back home being quite into at the time. And being the hopeless romantic that he is (one that is on cloud nine from being in love), Damian had pestered them all day long until they had no choice but to show and pass him the link to download said app on his phone.
Cupid’s Calculator is quite simple, really.
Basically, it’s a love calculator. The app provides a score from 0% to 100% that is meant to be an indication of a match in terms of love, based on the names of two people. The higher the percentage, the better the match.
But since Damian’s a nosy bastard, this is what he does (the main reason why the app caught his attention in the first place): go to the app, input the email, or use his dummy account then send the link to someone else, and wait for the poor soul to unknowingly reveal the person they're pining for as their results are sent straight to his email without their knowing.
In a nutshell: the user becomes the Cupid who calculates if the two suckers are a match and that, ladies, and gentlemen… IS THE REASON WHY CUPID’S CALCULATOR IS AWESOME!
Giggling like a kid high on sugar rush–because he is–Damian remembered the one time he did this a while back, mainly on Willie. And much to his pleasure, she had typed in Damian’s name! Ooh, he knew she liked him back!
But much to his annoyance, the compatibility was way too low (and the stupid app claims they are better off as friends LIKE HELL!) and Damian got so pissed off that he pretended the results doesn’t exist. Although, it was kind of obvious that Willie had taken the results to heart because she opted to ignore and even avoided Damian for a whole day until Damian had blurted out that it was a (not really) prank.
He remembered how he almost couldn’t sidestep the paperweight she had suddenly thrown at him back then.
Damian lets out a giddy laugh as he sat down.
Ah, now he misses her real bad. He really should call her as soon as he’s done with this... but to be honest, Damian doesn’t really like playing the same prank twice, even if it’s on different people–it just sort of loses the thrill on his opinion, but for the sake of his friends’ love lives he’ll make an exemption!
He squirmed around a bit on his bed as he plopped another spoonful of cake on his mouth. Ooh, he was so gonna have a field day with this! Who’s gonna be his target first? Colorado or Cassandra? Cassandra or Colorado?
Decisions, decisions…
Ah, oh well!
Since the princess had been as honest as she can, he’ll spare her… for the time being. Grinning, Damian opened the chat box.
‘Hey, Color???’
Seeing as the icon shows that Colorado’s still online (unlike Cyan, who, thankfully listened to Damian’s not-threat), Damian patiently waits for his friend to type in a response.
Damian had probably taken at least two more bites of his cake when his phone vibrated in his hand once more, Color’s contact name and picture popping on the screen. WHOOO HAHAHAHAHA–… uh, wait. Don’t celebrate too early–
´?’ was Colorado’s reply.
All too quickly, Damian’s gaze deadened.
“…” he snorts.
…A question mark.
Really, Color?
But still!
Colorado’s lack of enthusiasm has never stopped Damian before, and it sure as hell won’t stop him now! He hurriedly pasted the link, barely holding back a snicker as he hit send: “CHECK OUT THIS REALLY COOL APP! OwO”
His message was marked as read.
“It’s really accurate and it got me ^__^ bess results if u know what I mean :3” Damian decided to add… just to give his friend a little push.
His message was marked as read again.
‘Color.’
‘Colorrrrr =__=’
‘Coloradooooooooo-‘
Why wasn’t he answering?
‘???’
Marked. As. READ.
Damian’s eyes narrowed. What the…?
DID THE LITTLE SHIT JUST SEEN-ZONED HIM?!
Annoyed, Damian dialed his number.
“Ciao?”
“DON’T YOU ‘CIAO’ ME, YOU SNOB!” Damian screeched, pointedly keeping his volume loud enough to hurt from the other line because hell yeah, the Prince of Albion is that petty. “Are you doing this on purpose?! JUST CLICK THE LINK DAMMIT!”’
Damian heard a muffled curse in Italian from the other line for a moment, followed by some faint shuffling, “Ma stai scherzando? The emojis are giving me psychological damage!” (Are you kidding me?)
“OH, COME ON!”
Colorado clicked his tongue, “Dude, this is a love calculator–”
“How do you even know what a love calculator is??”
There was an odd silence from the other line.
Then, without a word, Colorado hung up.
“HEY–!” Damian dialed his number again.
“What is it NOW?!” Colorado’s voice boomed from the other line. And this time, it was Damian’s turn to wince. Fuck, he keeps on forgetting that two can play the petty game, “This is stupid and childish and… AND DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?!”
Damian opened his mouth to say something witty when Colorado hung up on him again. Tch, he just had to get the last word huh?
Nope.
Not happening, bitch.
（￣ε￣）（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
（￣ε￣）
Before Damian can put in another emoji, Colorado responded: “FUCKING FINE!” which was immediately followed by an “I HOPE YOUR HAPPY!”
To which Damian replies with: “*you’re.”
And then, Damian sighed to himself. He knew the probability of success if he was going to prank Colorado like this was way too low since he wasn’t really expecting anything. This is literally just for shit and giggles and a new ammo for him to tease his friend with.
Colorado doesn't even look at anyone that way, his friend was practically the perfect heir, but hey, what's the harm in trying? At least he tried…
Suddenly, he gets an email notification.
His eyes light up a bit in surprise.
Why are they reaching out to him directly on his personal email? he wonders curiously to himself as he presses on the mail app.
But much to his shock, it was–lo and behold–Cupid’s calculator. And what’s more, it was Colorado’s test results!
Oh… MY GOD–!
To anyone who could have possibly heard him, it was safe to say at that point that the Prince of Albion sounded like a maniac who had gotten all the screws in their brain loose.
But oh wow, it worked! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!
Damian got him GOOD NOW!
He laughs and laughs to himself giddily as he held his phone up high and waved it around in the air, squirming and jumping a bit in place it as if he just won first prize at a grand competition. Damian didn’t even care that some of the cake’s icing got on his shirt
Once he has gotten a better hold of himself, Damian chuckles, wiping a tear from his eye, “Hahaha, man… oh man... and who’s the unlucky one that captured the ice king’s heart?”
He excitedly clicks on the email.
And then he wholeheartedly regrets it, right then and there.
. . .
Meanwhile, in Venice, Colorado tiredly picks up his phone again. Seriously, doesn’t Damian had anything better to do right now–?
“COLORADO LUNAMOR!” and Colorado was too drained to even react at that, “For the love of all that is pure and fucking holy–why in God’s name would you type in dog breeds on the app?!”
Colorado frowned, “How did you…?”
Then it hit him.
His frown become even more pronounced, “The app directly sends you my test results, doesn’t it, Damian?”
For a moment, there was a guilty silence.
“T-…That’s not the point damn it!” there was a loud crash, something that vaguely sounds like a plate breaking, followed by Damian cursing quite too loudly, something about cake…? “WHO THE HELL PUTS DOG BREEDS FOR COMPATIBILITY?!”
“Guilty,” Colorado drawled, completely uncaring. Serves Damian right for trying to prank him, “So what did I get?”
“A SHIH TZU IS YOUR HIGHEST COMPATIBILITY!!!!!”
“Nice,” he smirked.
Oh, that’s just the sign he needs to get one…
“WHAT THE FUCK, COLOR!” Damian wails on the other line like a dying whale or something, “THIS IS SO BORING! ARE YOU INTO ANIMALS OR SOME SHI–?!”
Colorado hung up.
“…” and for good measure, he blocked the idiot’s number before Damian could try to call him again. That’ll teach him not to bother Colorado with nonsense.
(Although he doubt the lesson will sink in…)
Sighing, Colorado plopped down on his couch, throwing an arm to cover his eyes as he did. He still has a lot of things to do but he’s pretty tired right now.
Oh well, he can rest afford to take the rest for a few minutes until Grandfather calls for him. Knowing the old man, Colorado is very much aware that the discussion could be either something very important or another workload for him as the new head of the company… man, he can’t wait until Cassie comes back to help him with this shit.
“Signore?” his secretary’s voice piped up. She must have got herself in… which is fine since Colorado hadn’t even bothered to close the door anyway.
“Che cos'è?” (What is it?) he demanded, not bothering to move from his spot on the chaise lounge just yet.
There was some faint shuffling from the doorway… Lucia must be nervous about something. “Ha sentito le notizie sulla signorina Cassandra, signore?” (Have you heard the news about Miss Cassandra, sir?)
Colorado immediately tensed.
Was Grandfather finally planning to break the news to him about his little sister’s arranged marriage with Damian? Is that why he has been called all the way from Sicily?
Quel vecchio viscido…!
(That slimy old man…!)
“Tuo nonno ha chiesto...” (Your grandfather was asking…) there was a lot more faint shuffling and an even longer pause, as if waiting for a prompt or a reaction from him.
He pointedly kept silent.
Colorado knows perfectly well just how uneasy it makes Lucia whenever he suddenly went quiet although, to be fair, Lucia should know just how protective he was regarding his family, especially when it was against his grandfather.
“…s-se sai della relazione della signorina Cassandra con il suo professore.” (I-if you know about miss Cassandra relationship with her professor.)
Wait. What?
Colorado immediately lowered his arm and blankly stared at his secretary who looked just as bewildered as him.
…In the meantime, maybe he really should get himself a shih tzu.