IKA-ANIM NA KABANATA - tr. CHAPTER 06
Mas nanaisin kong mapaslang ng iyong kalatas
I would rather you kill me with your blade
DIWA
After what happened at the river, I found myself unable to meet the Rajah's gaze, and I did everything I could to avoid him. My heart would race whenever I sensed his presence nearby, and I would quickly find an excuse to leave. The once-regular summons every seventh day ceased entirely. This unexpected change left me in a constant state of confusion. Should I be grateful for the reprieve, or should I be worried about what it meant? What if… What if someone got killed again?
I kept replaying that moment by the river in my mind, the intensity of his touch, the fervor in his eyes. The memory haunted me, making it difficult to focus on my tasks. Yet, his silence was equally unnerving. What had changed in him? Why had he stopped calling for me? These questions gnawed at me, but I dared not voice them to anyone, not even Lila. I don’t want to worry her because of it.
Every day, I moved through my duties with a heightened sense of awareness, half-expecting the Rajah to appear and demand an explanation for my avoidance. But he remained distant, and this new reality left me in a strange limbo, caught between fear and a reluctant sense of relief.
The Rajah and his warriors had raided another village. They were gone now, and I couldn't quite process my feelings, knowing there would likely be new slaves.
And I wasn't wrong. When they returned, the people erupted in chaos. Lila and I paused our work, watching the blood-soaked Rajah. He wasn't injured; rather, he had slain many. His warriors brought back numerous women.
Just like before, the Rajah's warriors celebrated, having looted much gold and wealth. Lila and I remained silent as we served wine to the warriors.
As the warriors began choosing their slaves for the night, Vray's voice cut through the noise. "Diwa!" she called, her tone cold and commanding. My heart sank as I stepped forward, the eyes of the crowd following me.
The Rajah stood emotionless, his face a mask of indifference. Even as one of his warriors picked me, he did nothing, his gaze never wavering. The warrior's hand was rough on my arm, pulling me closer, but I couldn't look away from the Rajah. His lack of reaction is scaring me.
"Come here, Diwa," Vray commanded, her eyes narrowing with a mix of jealousy and satisfaction. I moved towards her, the weight of the Rajah's indifference pressing heavily on my heart.
"Tonight, you will serve me," Vray said, her voice dripping with malice. "Let's see how special you are."
I nodded silently, my thoughts racing. The Rajah's emotionless facade was more terrifying than any display of anger or passion. As I was led away, I cast one last glance at him, hoping for some sign of his true feelings, but his eyes remained cold and distant.
***
I was inside an opulent hut with the man who had pulled me here earlier to use me as a woman for the night. My mind had calmed, and all I felt was anger and disgust. I stayed seated, listening to everything the man in front of me was saying.
"You are quite bold, slave," he said with a low laugh. He was busy wiping his dagger, stained with the blood of the villagers. Every time I glanced at the blood-soaked blade; my anger only grew. "Don't you know who Rajah Maisog is?" He dropped the now-red cloth on the floor. "He has conquered many villages and slain numerous Datus. He is as fierce as a wild beast in the jungle."
"And you?" I asked, lifting my gaze to meet his. "If your Rajah is as strong as a wild beast, what does that make you? A mere follower? Someone who only gains strength from being in his shadow?" I tilted my head slightly, scrutinizing his face.
His eyes widened, and he gripped his dagger tighter, clearly stung by my words. "What did you say?"
"You're a loser," I replied immediately. His hand struck my cheek, and I tasted blood in my mouth, but I did not react. I spoke again, facing him. A smile crept across my lips. For the first time in my life, I felt genuine laughter. "You are pathetic."
I fell backward onto the floor, my head hitting the wood, but I kept my eyes on him—the ridiculous rage etched on his face. I didn't know if I looked insane, but the smile on my lips wouldn't leave. And then his large hands grabbed my breasts.
"I'll kill you after I use you, Diwa!" he shouted in my face. He was forcefully on top of me, trying to pull up my skirt.
I stared at him for a moment. Time seemed to slow, and I felt a surge of fury in my chest. I watched his every move—his facial expressions. My hands fumbled on the floor, searching for something. I didn't know what I grabbed, but I stabbed it into his neck.
The object pierced his skin, his flesh. He fell beside me, looking at me speechless. His face was etched with shock, and I said nothing, just watching him.
His gaze sharpened. "Y-You—you're a fool!" But he struggled to rise.
So, I quickly stood and ran out of his hut. The shore appeared before me—the waves were strong, and I knew I would die if I tried to swim the ocean. I ran, knowing he was right behind me!
"Diwa! I'll kill you!" His voice echoed behind me. But I didn't stop. The moon emerged, lighting my path—I stepped on all sorts of things—but I kept going. The wind whipped through my hair, and I wondered if I would ever taste freedom—
Maybe.
Perhaps I would be free after this—
I wanted to escape—only now did I realize that after all these years, I wanted to live—I wanted to be free. I cursed the world—the gods, and I was the only one who questioned their power—I thought I was a being that should disappear because I was a traitor. To all my friends. To all the gods. My heart was full of hatred, even as a child, I wanted to burn the altars because they never gave me what I wanted—or even just comfort.
The gods are liars. Their promises are lies!
I fell to the ground. My head hit something, and my forehead ached from the impact—
I clamped my mouth shut when I saw who was standing before me. The Rajah. I didn't know what he was doing here—but he didn't seem surprised to see me.
I swallowed hard. I was... surely, he would kill me.
"Diwa..." he called my name softly. "Where is—" Before he could finish, I stood and tried to run again, but as I expected, he caught my arm.
I faced him and tried to pry his hand off. "Let go!" My eyes widened when I heard the man's voice. He was close! But the Rajah wouldn't let go! "Please, let go!"
He stared at me intensely before turning to face the man approaching us, blood streaming down his neck and onto his bare chest. "DIWA!" he shouted when he saw me.
He collapsed to the ground, weakened.
"What happened to you, Magat?" the Rajah asked, still holding my arm.
"That woman!" the man shouted. "She stabbed me!"
The Rajah looked at me. "Is that true?"
Angrily, I responded. "The answer you seek is as clear as the moon." I tried to pull my arm away from his grip again.
The man stood again. He rushed at me but stumbled and fell.
"Kill that—kill that woman!"
The Rajah did not respond, instead pulling me along as he started to walk away. I glanced back at the man on the ground, close to death. I had grabbed a piece of sharp wood.
He pulled it out of his neck, causing more blood to flow.
Fool. He only hastened his death by doing that!
I faced the Rajah. "Where are you taking me? Are you going to kill me too, just because your village has one less useless man?"
He turned slightly to look at me. Once again, he stared at me before answering. "You have a sharp tongue."
I'm only speaking the truth!
I couldn't tell if I was scared or not. But I knew the Rajah would do something terrible to me because of what I did!
He would kill me. If not, he would sell me to another Datu!
Earlier, my heart was filled with rage and hatred—now, I was terrified. My legs felt weak, and I felt like I might vomit.
"Your eyes are more beautiful than my wife's," he suddenly said, making me look at him. He stopped walking, so I stopped too.
"Are you comparing me to your wife?" I asked, puzzled.
What is he saying? Has he gone mad?
"Do you want to be free?" he asked, releasing my arm. I could still feel the pain—he was indeed strong, just like his subordinate had said.
The Rajah stepped closer. Instinctively, I moved back.
"I ask again, Diwa... do you want to be free?"
I swallowed. "I want to live."
I fell to the ground, my knees shaking with fear—only now did I feel the terror I should have felt earlier.
The Rajah knelt.
I stared at him, shocked. He knelt further, carefully taking my foot. He kissed it before looking into my eyes again.
My eyes widened as I realized what he wanted. "I-I cannot be your concubine, Rajah!" I exclaimed. "I-It cannot be—"
"Give me a son." His voice was rough as he gently caressed my leg. "I will give you whatever you desire."
I wanted to kick him, but I couldn't.
"Do you hear yourself?" I asked, bewildered. "You have gone mad."
I almost screamed when he pushed me to the ground. He hovered over me—what did they want from my body?!
"Perhaps, I have gone mad," he whispered, his breath hot against my neck. "But I have one question—do you want to be free?"
I stared at the sky. At the bright moon that seemed to be speaking to me.
"I would rather you kill me with your blade, my dear Rajah."
****