You do know if the calmness is dangerous?. May it bring disaster silently or drown someone in it's stillness. Either way, if you calm enough, you can see the way, disaster or success. 
-my monthly quote 

The flapping of the tent's curtain woke me up. How long I was asleep?. All I remember was wrapped tightly within the blanket, was I cold?. I had to admit the night here wasn't as chill as the misty jungle would, but enough to make someone pull their blanket closer, but that wasn't the reason.
The chopping sounds, the clatter of metal pots, the voices, the sound of dragging something heavy, may I add the chaos everywhere. If this happens a week ago, I may run out of my room and be curious about what everyone was so busy with, however, I have no reason to run out.
Not when my body was weighed down, all the energy absorbed into the camping bed. I refused to have anything to do with the outside world, right now. Even tears refused to pour any drop. I was too tired, even to sit, all of me just wanted to get stuck inside this bed. My heart clenched again as, remembered the loss of my adoptive parents. I have no memory of my biological parents but they filled their place, for some time.
Sarah's body, Dylan's glassy eyes. It's haunting me, even in sleep. I thought I was there, still in front of him, begging him to come with us. I thought I could call them 'mom' and 'dad', I thought I was ready, who knows, the moment I called them so, was the last moment we would see each other. Only Dylan, I got the opportunity to call him 'dad'.
_________________...
The silhouettes were uncountable. They had been passing in front of his tent since the morning came. The temporary site located on the left of the redwood outpost wasn't big but it was enough for people to continue living. 
From the entrance, as far as he noticed, there were small outlets on the right, lining up, I couldn't see the end, but there was a community center, or I thought so in front of the small outlets. There were four floors above the community center, which was also made of wood instead of brick. 
On the left of the entrance, the first spot was occupied by the infirmary, they tried to have everything that might needed. The first hour we reached here, we were examined through numerous examinations before we were let to have some heavy food. During the test, we were given some soup and drink to fill our tummy. 
The infirmary was raised on top of some wooden stage, and the patient room was raised higher with three metal walls a thick curtain made of plastic, and another curtain outside that you usually see in most hospitals which exactly smells the same inside, the antiseptic smell, A great combination of hand sanitizer, sterile packaging, coffee, floor cleaner, a hint of blood and fear, exactly. 
When we were let in to get through another test, I noticed every patient was put in a different small room, they were surrounded by that metal wall, They looked uncomfortable and suffocating for patients, but for now, that was what they needed.
Outside the patients' room, as I may call. The aisles of documents and doctors and nurses tables on the left, and other aisles of medicine and a big blue hospital freezer on the right with a table acts as a counter with other documents piled up on top.
There was some space before we reached the raised canteen, there were five stairs to reach the canteen, shockingly, approximately fifty people could fit in one time and some cooking ingredients and tools, at the canteen's veranda, there's even a grill and some charcoal at the feet of it. I would say, this was comfortable enough to live in this state of the world. 
In front of the canteen there was an abandoned windmill, the first thing I saw when I got off the bread truck, was the one with an information board. They placed some benches around it. Between the windmill and the community center, there's a narrow path leading to somewhere behind it. 
For convenience, the farm was just beside the canteen, fruit, and numerous vegetables, at least as big as the canteen it is. I did hear the cows and goats or probably sheep somewhere, however I never caught a view of them. 
And we were placed in the space, just next to the farm. It's a good place, it fits all of us for the time being. It's good, everything was good. Our temporary space was a practice site, I did take a glance over another building where the loudest noise came from. Gunshots and metal swing sounds may be used to practice for survival.
It's quite big. 
This place is reassuringly practical just as they describe it. However, my grief does not take me an inch from the bed, not that I want to. My head is filled with memories, that refused to make me forget.
_______________...
A day after the incident in the misty jungle.
"Where are you going, young man?." 
I almost jumped out of my skin. 
I tried to sneak out after getting a whole night's lecture from Sarah. Looking behind, down the stairs, she already sat there, on her fluffy rolled chairs with a spatula in her hands. Slapping it on her palm.
"Sarah."
I greeted, scratching my head which was nowhere itchy at all. I gave her a lopsided grin, another thing she hates me doing. 
"That smile was and always meant trouble. What kind of trouble do you try to cause now?. With that big duffle, I doubt you want to go for farming as discussed last night. Trying to sneak out?. In broad daylight?"
She slapped her palm again. 
Dylan sneaks behind her. Pulled out a thumbs up with his wide Cheshire smile. He mockingly pulled his bag over his shoulders and waved happily before running out to the back door. 
I sighed. 
"Hmm?. What kind of answer is that? Sighing is not the right answer."
She glared as if trying to peel layer after layer of my skin. A variety of excuses lay in my mind, but none of them will quite help me in this case. Was she an interrogator? Or maybe just a super spy with a spatula as a weapon.
I put my duffle down, inside my room, and my brother's room door. Raising my hands in the air, as a sign of surrender. I don't look at her at all. Afraid that she saw another lie in me. 
Honestly, I have a backup plan. Blythe promised to get me a new weapon, if I can get through this, it's fine if I don't bring any equipment, I am pretty sure Blythe will get me another to use. I'll hunt again, today, no matter what. Blythe and I were already fine and given enough rest.
"It's just out of my habit, Sarah. I promise you, I wasn't going anywhere, I just, I just want to see around. I mean, there's still part of this residence I haven't seen yet, so, I thought I would take this chance."
I gave her another smile. Hoping she would believe the obvious lie I spat. Of course, I haven't looked her in the eye. She IS terrifying.
"Face that wall and never take any step until I say so."
She pointed to the wall near me. 
I slumped over in frustration. I wish there was something to copy me, a clone maybe. So I can go hunt and he can stand here, of course, no feeling clone or he will cause any trouble for me too.
"Stand straight!."
She shouted from the kitchen. I scrambled like a panicked hen who wanted to lay its eggs. I stand tall in front of the yellow wall. There's silence, for a few hard seconds.
Eh, hello wall. How are you?.
I am fine, thanks. How do you get yourself into this situation?.
Ah, I am not sure myself. I think I might be dying right here. My legs are numb all over.
Oh poor you. Would you like a sit?.
No, I would like to go out and hunt. 
Then, do you want me to vanish?. Creating another door out, so you can escape?.
Maybe that's a good idea!.
A sound of air whooshing escapes my mouth as I imagine there's indeed a door.
"Yep, here we go!"
I open my step forward, attempting to fill the gap with the wall in just one step, how far would that be?. A small step for me must be a big journey for an ant, right?. So, I am on a journey out and beyond! 
"Ouch, ouch, ouchhhhh!."
My ears sting as I lose my body's control. All the pain makes me follow the person. I looked over to see Sarah pulling my ear, huffing out like a dragon except there was no smoke coming out.
"I gave you punishment but you treat it like a game, what should I do to make you regret your choice and never repeat the same thing?"
I stumbled upon Blythe who was already waiting in front of his house. He gapes at the view before following behind. 
" Where are you going to bring this poor monkey, Sarah?. He promised to climb some trees for me."
Blythe seriously inquires.
I tried to glare at him but only to get my ear pulled even more. Before I could shout some painful noise, Sarah turned and grabbed Blythe's ear, and the dark-skinned man dropped his bag to the ground. 
"Ouch, Sarah, stop!. It hurts!"
Blythe roared in pain. If I weren't in the same spot, I would tumble over and laugh out loud, but the pain would take over the mischievous smile of mine.
"You damn big guy!. You are already big enough to see what is dangerous or not!. Climbing the tree, your shit!. Because he thinks there's someone who will come with him make he is brave enough to get out and throw himself into danger. You're an adult, Blythe!. An adult!. Can you behave like one and protect this child rather than supporting him in something not good for him!."
She nagged. She is already starting to begin her full lecture, even a prisoner doesn't deserve this torture. 
______________...
A week after the incident in the misty jungle.
"Am I still not allow to go hunt, Sarah?."
I grunted from the couch in the living room. My arm flayed down, touching the floor, both my legs hanging from the seat's arm.
Seriously, for a week I have been punished for being a gardener and a farmer. It's a boring chore, no challenge. If I refused to go, Sarah would burst into my room, dragging me by my ears. Seriously, it's such a boring chore, I put my all respect for all the gardeners and farmers out there because it's a no-no for me.
Footsteps on the upper house were heard before Sarah emerged from the up of the stairs...
With a pan.
"I am going!. I am going!."
I shouted in fear as I scrambled out of the seat and headed for the door. Putting my shoes carelessly as I shot my way to the greenhouse just a few meters from the house. 
I didn't look back, knowing Sarah could aim my head perfectly. Blythe had a taste of it when he tried to escape from the 'punishment' two days ago. As I had seen the proof with my own eyes, I refused to get a big bump on my head. 
Reaching there with heavy breathing, I felt my bones getting moss and weakened from the lack of work. My body started aching painfully, I barely have a wink of sleep without getting my ass up and groaning from the pain. 
I sighed. 
A girl came my way as soon as I stepped inside the greenhouse. She offered help but never spoke a word, also as soon as I realized we had been together for a long time (which was more than 5 minutes), my heart swelled in pain, and regret as if I betrayed someone. Then, I would excuse myself and find other work I could do.
I smiled at her, wondering if I should run now. She handed me a black plastic square with many tiny holes filled with a plant, barely a plant, it has three leaves, small and vulnerable leaves.
She pointed to an older woman, who I understand as handing these to her. That's it?. 
I nodded before she turned and went to water the plants bigger than this, lined up neatly, taking one-quarter of the whole greenhouse which is thrice our house size. 
"Excuse me?."
I tried to take the attention of the older woman and an older man. They turned to me in sync while I stood there with a huge smile. 
"The lady over there asked me to give you these."
I informed.
The older lady smiles before patting a short stool next to her. No, don't. I don't want to. I can't bear doing this boring stuff again. I just want to shout those words, but I can't. Rip to my peace. 
I took a careful sit as I placed the small plants on the ground. The older man gave me a thumbs-up before proceeding to dig holes and place the plants inside. 
"These types of growth are called vegetating, it's small, isn't it?."
She cheerfully told. 
Painfully, my lips forced into a smile. While all my body urged to throw a tantrum and shout all the hate on this chore. 
"These are tomatoes. Today I will teach you how to tend to each tomato's growth stages. You will ace it in a day, I am sure since you are already good in the wheat field, potatoes, and broccoli, you just took a day to ace each of them. So today, it's time to ace these tomatoes!.. Yayy!"
She cheered like a mother who cheers after their babies take a first step and encourages them for more. 
I nodded when my inside was boiling in madness, if Sarah made me do this for another week, I shall hang myself, right at this damn place. Before that, I shall curse every plant and I wish I could ask why they didn't grow up by themselves if they needed to change the pot, just slipped out and searched for a new place to live. That's it!. Easy!. Why need us to bother!. Ughhh
And just like that for a whole day, I learned from the first stages of tomatoes growth until their mature fruiting. 
I greeted Aunty Donna and Uncle George who are a married couple, and I knew their name today after a whole week of being here. I headed for the exit, but a few steps outside, the girl patted my shoulder. I turned around to see her smile, handing me a basket filled with tomatoes, potatoes, broccoli, flour, carrots, beans, and a half of watermelon. I guess, I would be forced to learn about other vegetables and fruits too. I can't escape...
I took it from her hand, our fingers brushing a little. She quickly held them to her chest, I thought I was crossing her line, maybe she doesn't like any physical touching just the way she doesn't like to talk. I thought I made a huge mistake, I looked into her eyes, and regretfully at my mistake, I intended to ask for her forgiveness. But, I was stunned, she was blushing, and eye contact made her redden even more. Even her freckles vanished among the redness. 
"I- um. Thank you!."
Quickly, I take a whole sprint towards the house, without receiving her reply. Holding the basket tight onto my chest, I didn't want any of them to fall on the ground or I needed to turn back and collect them, so I held it tight, and didn't even take a glance at where I was heading. 
When I did look in front of me, I was already near the house, and Sarah was standing like a statue in front of the door, I didn't even do any calculations and I knew I couldn't stop myself from running into Sarah which I refused, so I take a slight turn, however, trust me, I tried, my back hit the wall from the impact. 
Trying to save the basket, but hurt myself in return. An ugly choke sound escapes my lips before my body falls to the ground. Even with my effort, all the vegetables rolled out from the basket. 
"Oh my god!."
A bloody scream startled me. 
"Oh my god!. My son!. Are you alright?!."
Sarah flipped into a panic mode. While a thundering laugh was heard, heading our way. Sarah brushed the dust off after checking for any injuries. Her eyebrows scrunched in pain as if she was the one who knocked their bone to the wall. 
"I am fine Sarah."
I tried to assure her but she suddenly sobbed, making me feel twice as bad. I was really fine, it was nothing, it knocked me real good and the pain quickly dissipated after that. It was nothing.
I looked down to the basket I really put my life to protect.
"Aww, I squashed the tomato. We lose one now."
I collected each of them and put them back into the basket but Sarah quickly grabbed my hands and patted them.
"It's okay. It's nothing. Let me do this."
Sarah continued to collect them all before Dylan and Blythe came, still laughing at who knows what. They found everything funny when they were together though.
"Sarah, you should see how our son runs from George's daughter. He really sprints..."
Dylan's and Blythe's laughing quiet down, Dylan's words fading as their eyes fall on her glare. They gulped hard. And I was anxiously sitting there in this ticking bomb situation, who knows when Sarah will launch her attack?
Smack. Smack. Whack. 
"I was about to discuss with you on your current chore this morning."
Sarah began as she scooped some mashed potatoes and placed them on my plates, and later on scooped some black paper sauce and some creamy mushroom soup into a small bowl and placed them next to my plate. She handed me a basket filled with handmade bread and a bowl of cheese she just processed from the milk that Blythe brought back from the farm. 
I took a couple of bread as I glanced at the other two. They were thoroughly smacked, and I still can feel the pain of seeing them getting hit, I was still shocked as I glanced back to Sarah. The two were fidgeting in their seat as they slowly ate their dinner, flinching and hissing in pain occasionally.
"T-thank you."
I uttered before carefully dipping my bread into the sour cheese cream. Glancing at Sarah from time to time, scared. 
"Well, why?. Are you still hurt?."
Sarah sweetly inquired.
I shook my head nervously as the two glanced at me. 
"I heard you grumbled about your chore these few days, so I thought it would be better if you are introduced to another chore, seeing if you like other chores than hunting. I was about to discuss that this morning but you just ran away."
Sarah started as she scooped some food for her too. She left the two on their own. 
"I thought you were going to hit me."
I softly muttered, scared that I stepped on a glance bridge and ended up making Sarah whack me like them. Just pure red in her eyes. 
"No!. Why would I?."
She looks at me, hurt by the statement. Who wouldn't think so, if they just saw others getting hit on their head just a few days ago and that some person who hit others held something in their hands when you were complaining? Because I would and spend the rest of my life, scared. 
"You have a pan in your hand?."
I tried to point out the reason carefully.
"I was going to talk while we bake some bread."
"With a pan?."
"No. I was going to fry some... Some... Well, honestly I don't know. I just picked some random things unconsciously when I was in the kitchen. It's not like I was trying to hurt you with that."
She complained as she shoved some bread in her mouth. 
Well, honestly, it's a relief she didn't grab a knife or sharp things, I would think she was going to murder me. 
"Well, what kind of chore?."
I easily asked as I was relieved after knowing she wasn't going to hit and murder me with her pan, but the point exactly, she would never hurt me, with anything, at all. But, no other can have the same privilege though.
"Weapon making with Michael, just outside the main residence. Others always get their bulletproof suit and other equipment finished by Michael, I am sure you can pull this through. And I have also noticed you are not really comfortable to be around George's daughter, Lucy. It's okay. It's take time."
She shrugged.
"What takes time?. And did you snoop around, Sarah?."
She paused for a second before looking at the other two. 
"And you two, it's not okay to tease someone in pain, Walter hit the wall and you came back laughing and teasing. I wouldn't allow you guys to repeat the same thing, understand!."
She scolded.
"Yes."
They both replied.
_________________...
The flutter of the tent's curtain made me flinched from my memory. I looked over to see Blythe with a bowl and a cup in his hands.
"Are you okay?. You're not coming out. Everyone is worried about you. I bring some radish soup and some water to help you get hydrated, but it's not that much. I'll request some more for dinner."
He slipped the bowl and glass closer to me. But, then, he sighed, seeing I didn't change my position. Not that I was hungry though.
"I understand you are are grieving that now Sarah... And Dylan is gone. But, you can't destroy yourself like this. Please, come out sometime. Take a break and be strong again. You know it well Sarah wouldn't like you being like this... Dylan too."
He patted my head softly.
"Finish that, please. I'll come for it later, and by then, I need that to be empty, clean and squeak."
He got up and left the tent as I was groaning to sit up. My head throbbing from the movement, maybe I was laying too much today. 
Looking down, my eyes fell on the bowl. Handmade, from wood. I sighed. 
That's why I hate people who see me like this they will request something and I can't say no when deep down I know it's good for me.
Taking a sip, my tongue was hit by the bland taste. Rather than soup, it was only radish and water. However, I finished them all, and ignored the tasteless soup, focusing on filling up my tummy. 
I gazed at the empty bowl, as empty as my head right now.