|Chapter 09: Too Much|
Note: It'll be a long chapter guys! I just can't break the whole atmosphere because I feel like it'll cut the vibes I want to make you feel. So, enjoy reading!
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|KADENA CHAIN|
"Kad, wait!"
I stop in my tracks as I heard his voice, calling my name. I can't help but slip a smile on my lips but I refrain it as I face him.
"Hey? Did you forget something?" I ask him as I squint my eyes.
He's half running, half walking towards me. It seems like the time slows down that I watch him in a slow motion. His hair danced with the wind. It's even slightly damp, probably his sweat because he ran after me.
The thought of it makes my heart jump in glee. If you'll take it literally, of course, I'll die instantly in utter shock. So, just figuratively okay?
My eyes blink twice as he already stops just a few steps away from me. He's catching his breath and I wish I am what he needs.
I bit my tongue and shrugs the thought off my mind.
"Raze?" I call his name while he's still trying to even his breathing.
I even watch how his tongue grazes over his lower lips and dang, that's hot!
"I'm sorry, I just-," I clear the lump in my throat silently, my lips press together.
His right-hand finds its way to his hair. Using his fingers, he pushes back a few of his hair as it deliberately falls back into his forehead. Looking so damn attractive as hell. Always.
"Yes?" I ask, almost in a whisper.
I wish he doesn't notice how I am so tense and uneasy, watching him in front of me. I wait for his response. It seems like I waited forever when in fact it has only been a minute, catching his breath.
"Here... I forgot to give it back to you. You left it yesterday," he informs me as he lends me something.
I look at it and I can't help but be shocked. I didn't know I left the small paper bag yesterday containing the decors I bought. I blink my eyes and reach for it. I'm literally panicking at the back of my head because my right hand is trembling. Damn.
"Oh... Thank you! I thought I left it somewhere," I expertly lied because I can't seem to let him know my embarrassment.
I don't even know what I'm embarrassed about. But yea.
"And oh," I look at him in an instant that I feel like my neck will break.
A shiver runs down my veins as I think of that.
"Happy Birthday Kad," he suddenly blurts out as he runs back to the auditorium.
"W-What-," I blink for how many times, I couldn't count.
What the hell?
I mean, yea. I didn't expect that. How did he know?
I just watch him run like he's escaping from someone until he's gone from my sight. I sigh and look up as I close my eyes.
'Thanks, Bro!'
I let out a chuckle and glanced in the direction he went to.
I let out a sweet smile as I approach the school gate and grab a cab to a flower shop. I shake my head and breathe heavily.
"But how did he know?" I ask myself, trying to think how did he able to know that today's my birthday?
I shrug my shoulders and went out of the cab once we stop in front of a flower shop. The shop is also near to the cemetery that's why I decided to just walk later.
"Good Eve, Miss! How can I help you?" I smile at the girl at the counter who's currently arranging some combinations of flowers on top of the counter table in front of her.
"Hi! Can I have some tulips and a white rose in a separate arrangement please," I tell her as I watch her hands gently holding her finished bouquet?
It's a mix of rose gold and blue roses. It looks elegant but very romantic. Two in contrast combinations that I didn't know will look good in my eyes. She's good at her job, I must say.
"Roger, Miss! You can look around for a while as I arrange what you want. Feel free!"
She's so energetic and jolly that I can't help but let out a small laugh as I shake my head. She's so cute. I wander around her shop. I can see different flowers and some are not familiar to me in name but picture, yes. Tulips, roses, sunflowers, etc. That's the most familiar to me.
I sigh and walk back to the counter where the girl is seriously doing her expertise. Her hands are so gentle as if the flowers are some kind of glass that she didn't want to break if she'll aggressively hold them.
"What's your name? If that's okay with you," I immediately add when she abruptly looks at me. Probably shocked by my sudden appearance.
"I'm Lily the Valley! You are, Miss?" I laugh at how she introduces herself.
I kind of miss the feeling of having a sibling. My brother, even though it was long years ago and we were just three, I still can feel how much I loved being with my baby brother.
I miss him so much.
We're twins and I stood as his older sister because I was the one who was out of my mother's womb first than him. I don't know if that's true but some say, the last baby in a twin would be considered the oldest but for me, I stood as the oldest. Not only because I was the first one to be out of my mother's womb but because I feel like it.
"You can call me Chain," I tell her as I blink once to delay my tears. I can feel how my nose slowly feels like it's burning because I'm near to crying my ass out.
"Your name's unique! Mine too! Isn't that amazing?!" I laugh at her as I lean my body upfront to watch her finalizing the bouquet.
"Like, you were named 'Lily the Valley'?" I ask curiously.
If that's the case, how come her mother came up with her name? I laugh inside my head. Not trying to insult her though.
Her name is just, a different kind of uniqueness.
"Nope! But it's kind of the same? My name's Lily Valley Guerrero. So unique!" I can't help but laugh at her. She says the last phrase a bit sarcastic.
She's funny.
It makes me forget the thoughts inside my head. And I thanked her for that, silently.
"Thank you, Ms. Lily, the Valley~," I playfully say my thanks to her as she hands me the flowers I requested for her.
"You're welcome, Ms. Chain! Have a fine evening! Come again!"I wave her goodbye as I leave her shop.
As soon as the wind blows right into my face, I shudder in cold. Not to mention the cemetery's near my place.
Geez! So scary!
I slowly walk to the side of the road as I tightly hold the two bouquets in my hands but not that tight for me to ruin them.
I don't want to break Lily's effort in making me these.
After minutes of walking around the cemetery, I stop in front of several tombs in front of me. Particularly, two tombs.
I sigh and slowly go down on my knees and fold it to somehow sit on the ground. I lay down the white tulips in the tomb on my left and the white roses on my right.
Cadence M. Crimson, my mother.
She died from a car crash just a day before our third birthday. We were devastated by the news that we couldn't celebrate our birthdays. Instead, we grieved for our mother dear.
From that day, we were sent to an orphanage. We became an orphan when we were three.
Me, as the oldest, I took care of my twin brother who was sick. He has a complication in his heart. I only found out about his complication because the day after we were told to make the orphanage our home, he experienced a heart attack.
We were crying at that time. I was trying to calm him down but that day, I almost lose my sanity. Seeing him collapse on the floor, breathing his last breath, my world also collapsed.
He died.
Kaden Caine Crimson.
"H-Hi!" My voice breaks as I look up to stop myself from crying hard.
I promised them that I will not cry about their deaths anymore. I can't help it, though. It's just that, the memories came back to me in a flash of lightning. Breaking me to pieces, again.
"How a-are you over there?" I ask, silently grieving for them.
It feels like I am lost in the middle of a war and I couldn't do anything but stand in the middle, waiting for my death to come so that I can be with them. It feels lonely. I can't even fathom thinking that I'm all alone for the past years. Until now.
The emptiness inside me overflows my being that at times like this, I just want to grab some pesticides and drink them like alcohol.
But I know...
They wouldn't want that.
They want me to go on with my life. But how? It's been years of looking for a reason why would I go on with the flow of life when my life has been buried six feet under the ground?
I would ask them a few times, how but they would only answer me with a cold blow of the wind. Caressing my skin, trying to make me feel its coldness. Because at least I can still feel cold rather than feeling empty inside.
But then again, how?
I cried so hard in front of their graves when I can't help myself anymore. It's just too much.
I thought I moved on already. But it's just all in my head.
The truth is...
I just hide it within my soul. Trying to forget that I died with them that day. My purpose in the world isn't clear anymore. It's too blurry, I can't determine what that purpose is.
"H-Happy birthday- t-to us~ Happy-,"
I clear my throat as I weakly clap my hands to sing in front of them. Tears flowed continuously from my eyes. Breathing's already hard for me to do so.
"H-Happy birthday~ Happy b-birthday~ Happy birthday to u-us,"
Just after I sang to celebrate my birthday, I broke down.
I cried too much like a kid. I don't care if I will bother the souls that surround the whole place. I just want to let it all out again because I feel like if I can't let it out, I will break down anytime, anywhere.
I will die again and again.
And that...
It's too much.
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Note: I feel like this chapter is a bit off but well, I hope you enjoyed reading it! Thank you!