|Chapter 07: Used|
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|KADENA CHAIN|
I sigh.
I didn't know how many times I sighed after passing Foren's report to Professor Smith. My mind is still preoccupied with what I saw earlier. It's too draining to overthink, actually. But I can't help it.
I sigh.
I didn't go back to the Library to wait for Zaraze instead, I decided to just take a walk and my feet led me to rest in the Garden. It's located not far from the fountain in the middle that you can see after entering the gates of the school.
The wind blows and I love how it chills on my skin. It keeps me warm and cold at the same thing. I'm just sitting on the bermudagrass as my back is leaning on a tree. There are flowers around that make me feel okay and at peace.
I don't want to think. To overthink things. But what can I do if I can't control myself to do it?
I sigh. Maybe I just assumed too much that it hurts or maybe, yea. I overthink.
"Bro, if you're seeing me right now can you wake me up?" I ask out loud as if he can really see me.
I'll be scared once he'll answer, though.
I immediately close my eyes when the wind blows hard at once and dusts coming from around me prickles my eyes.
I open my eyes, a bit teary when I feel that the wind is back to normal. I sigh thinking he really did make me close and open my eyes. Tsk. Why use dust though? It's prickling my eyes. It's so itchy.
"Tsk. Just go, Bro. Your sister is okay," I blurt out while looking at the clear blue sky above.
I have a twin brother but he died when we were three. I was so devastated about what happened that they needed to send me to a Psychiatrist. And maybe that's why I am taking up a Bachelor of Science major in Psychology.
We were young. I love my brother even though he was just with me for three years. I feel sad but I'm glad I'm now okay with his death. I just hope he's with our Mother now.
Watching me go crazy about Zaraze.
I fish out my phone from my bag's side pocket beside me and stare at Zaraze's name on the screen.
"Do I go?" I ask myself.
I'm thinking if I still want to go and help them or I'll be going straight to the cemetery and visit my Mother and twin brother to celebrate our birthdays.
Can I still say no?
But I already said yes.
What to do?
I sigh for the nth time and space out. Watching the leaves and the flowers get blown by the wind as my mind is not currently on reality.
It's busy traveling all the reasons I have in mind to be able to decline his request.
After what I saw, I think I can't act normal with him if I go. I'll keep wondering why? How will I act? I'll be going to ask myself until maybe I can't help but ask him about it.
I have this habit when I'll ask whenever I'm curious about something. But I do know how to not cross a line. I'm helping myself not to go beyond that. I need to respect his private space and mine.
There's still that thin line for me to stop myself and I'm afraid, one day I can't help it bit destroy that thin line.
Of course, how can you move forward if you'll let that thin line stops you from getting out of the previous space you're in before that line? Sometimes, it's not that bad to cross over that line while still maintaining a line. You what I mean?
Or am I saying nonsense already?
"Oh, dang!"
I exclaim out of shock when the sound of a call on my phone suddenly pushes me back to reality.
|Zaraze calling...|
I blink and stare at it for a while.
Zaraze is calling.
Answer? Or Nah?
Did I think of him so much that I can't find myself but feel agitated? Damn, I'm still contemplating! Why put pressure on me?!
"Hel-Hello?"
I clear my throat as I sit back straight. Got my body out of leaning on the tree behind me.
Silly me for acting like some kittens which probably getting scolded for stealing their dinner before them.
"Where are you? I'm in front of the Library," his voice.
It's always his voice.
I bit my tongue as my mind stops working. Words can't even out of my mouth as I stare at the space in front of me, blankly.
"Hey! Hello? Are you there?"
"Oh!" I laugh awkwardly that I hope he doesn't notice it.
If he does, just let me fall to the floor, face flat. Kiddin'. That would be hurt.
"What time is it?"
I bit my lower lip as I ask him a stupid question. I look at the time on my wristwatch as my jaw almost drops to the ground.
0423.
Past four?!
I mean, I thought I still have an hour to decide whether I'll go or not. I didn't know it took me a while to decide.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm in the garden, Zaraze. I didn't realize the time. And wait! I'll just be the one who'll go there-,"
"No need, Ms. Crimson. I can see you now,"
What?
I ask without voicing it out.
"That fast?" It's a slip of the tongue, and I can't get it back already causing me to let out a deep breath.
"I'll just go to you,"
My hands weakens as it drops on my lap after the call ended. My heart is beating loudly crazy so I need to breathe multiple times to calm my nerves down.
He'll go to me?
Why does it sound so surreal?
And sweet...
Dang! This crazy!
"Hey!"
Startled, I look up and see Zaraze catching his breath in front of me. I was too frozen in my place as I watch him, sweating. He probably ran from Library to here.
"Oh, hey...,"
I hurriedly get up from the ground I'm sitting on and I think I twist my right ankle a bit but I didn't let him notice that.
"Are you busy?"
He asks. My mind's already forgetting that I saw him with Shariza earlier.
What a traitor, tsk.
"Uh, not really?" He tilts his head in confusion while he looks at me.
I'm just silently watching him too. Hands fidgeting at my back.
"Not sure?" He softly asks as he bits his lower lips to hardly catch his breath.
And I was like, that's hot!
"Oh, sorry. I mean, I'm already done with my pending. So where will be the place?"
I ask him and get my backpack on the ground to avoid his watchful eyes.
I can't take this. This is too surreal!
"Auditorium. Let's go?" I hang the right strap of my bag on my shoulder as I look at him not to make him know I'm a bit uneasy.
Damn, Bro! You just have to push me into the cemetery, not to let this happen!
I scream helplessly inside my head when the wind blows hard again causing it to block my vision from looking at the perfect view in front of me.
I probably look messy!
"Sure!"
I sway my left hand in the direction of the corridor, letting him walk first. An excuse to make me watch him walks in front of me.
Trying to make myself be used on him, walking ahead of me. Leaving me behind.
We never know when will that time comes. So, as early as possible I want to be used in this.
To make it less hurt.