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Chapter 19 Miss Blogger

“ Dare to love, even when it hurts. ” 
***
— Cecile —
“ Joel. ” My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. I have been worried sick, so seeing him alive and well made me relaxed yet alarmed at the same time. 
He was alive and well, but what could have happened? Why had he been absent from school and why was his cell switched off all along? 
He’d never ignored my messages even when we’d first met, so why had he? 
Our gaze locked and I saw that familiar longing in those orbs of his, I thought I saw my name form on his lips. 
  I thought he would walk towards me and hug me as tightly as I wanted him to, I thought he would draw me into his arms and tell me just how much he misses me and longs to hear my voice.
But he did none of that,
I felt my heart break into a million pieces when he simply walked towards a back seat, took a seat, brought out a textbook and began reading with no care for the world.
How could he?
How could you, Jose? The pain in my heart was deep, threatening to swallow me whole. 
It hurts so much, too much. 
Had I known it would hurt this much then I would have stopped myself from feeling so deeply, but I didn’t. 
I let my feelings have the upper hand and now? I am hurt beyond comprehension.
“ The one thing that differentiates good poetry from bad poetry is its ability to resonate deeply with the reader. ” I found myself smiling at Mr Aaron’s words. 
It was so true, as much as I try to deny it. The longing I have been feeling has been making me more expressive than ever. 
As a blogger, my last post had caught so much attention that my editor Zarin couldn’t stop himself from asking about it. “ Are you okay, Cec? ” He’d asked, his worried tone had reminded me so much of my sister Celine who I had been missing so badly in the last couple of days. 
How could one miss someone so much that it hurt?
I had inquired a lot in the last couple of days, not understanding why I did. 
“ I am… ” I’d replied, though rereading the poem now, I figured I was far from being fine as the emotions were just too raw for me to be fine when I had written them.
I Miss you. 
We are best friends,
Aren’t we? 
We are close buddies,
Aren’t we? 
We are partners in crimes,
Aren’t we? 
How can I miss you 
when I don’t even know what 
My stand in your life is? 
I miss you,
But do you feel the same? 
I miss you,
But Is it the original version of you
I miss or another version?
I miss you,
Even though we are barely close. 
I miss you, 
Even though you don’t seem like
someone who wants to be missed. 
I miss you,
more than you can ever think of.
I miss you. 
Indeed, Zarin had a reason to be worried, though I didn't want him to.
“ For your assessment today, imagine if your life was a story. What would be the first and final line? I want you to write that down on a sheet and submit it before the closing of the day. ” Mr Aaron said as he walked out of the class, just before the bell for leisure was rung. 
His words rang in my head like a bell minutes after he’d left the class,
I felt my heart ache once again, as I watched Joel exit the class along with the others without taking a single glance at me. 
Had I imagined what we had? 
Had I imagined what we’d almost had?
I had somehow convinced myself to believe he’d become my closest friend to whom I could tell anything. And now?
“ Hey, Cec. ” I didn't have to raise my head to know who it was. 
We’d become super close over the past few days and I had gotten to know her better and might even be starting to get used to her company already, which is quite weird given how anti-social I was. 
“ Hi. ” She was in her sports uniform which highlighted her curvy figure, further making her look super beautiful. 
“ You okay? ” Staring into those oceans of eyes, I knew without a doubt that lying was pointless as she could see through me already.
“ Not really. ” I said with a sigh.
“ Joel, right? ” She had her hand on her chin as she stared at me closely. 
“ It’s obvious, isn’t it? ”
“ Yeah. ” She paused. “ He is acting weird. ”
“ Yeah. ”
“ Were you guys close? ” I found myself asking before I could stop myself. 
“ Um, not really. He was Jemmy’s boyfriend, so we’d had no relationship other than that. We’d only exchanged pleasantries once in a while. That was until Jemmy’s demise and we’d kind of bonded through our pain. ”
“ That’s beautiful. ”
“ Yeah… His actions earlier were completely unexpected. ”
“ Um… ” I stopped and said before I could stop myself. “ Do you think he is okay? ”
“ Not really, he looks lost, and the last time I’d seen that in his eyes was when we'd first lost Jemmy. ”
“ He was there? ” My eyes went wide in shock at the unexpected information.
“ We all were. ” Her voice dropped and I knew instantly that my question had aroused a deep hidden memory. “ Time of death 11:59 am. Those words still ring in my head, Cel. ”
I reached out and placed my arms around her. I couldn’t erase the pain she was feeling, the least I could do was be there. 
“ It must have been very painful watching the one you love so much exit the world leaving you behind. ” I spoke from experience recalling just how much it had hurt to watch Cel breathe her last. 
“ It was very. ”
“ Um… ”
“ What do you think could have happened to make Joel be this way? ”
“ I honestly have no idea. ”
“ Can you find out? ” I didn’t realize just how pleading and vulnerable my words sounded until I saw her understanding gaze. 
“ Joel seems like a very secretive person, but I will try my best. ”
“ I believe you would. ” 
“ Yeah. ”
“ Hey, girls. ” We both looked up and smiled at the sight of Essy who looked as beautiful and serious as ever in her lab coat and nerdy classes. Her long brownish hair was packed in a single braid further making her look serious, yet dashing. 
“ Hi. ”
She smiled at me before turning to her sister. “ Shall we? ” 
“ Sure. ” Stacy stood up almost immediately and embraced me. 
“ See you later? ”
“ Sure. ” I grinned at them. 
“ Great. ”
“ Bye. ” I smiled, watching the duo walk out of the class hand to hand in a way that reminded me so much of my sister, Celine. 
Oh gosh. I miss her. 
This incident with Joel made me realize just how much I do, so much that it hurts.
Sigh,
I will be fine.
I just hope Joel is okay too.
Hopefully, the duo would find out something essential. 
….
A/N: What do you think, guys? 

Book Comment (21)

  • avatar
    Boss Jaylore

    pls me ml diamonds

    26/08

      1
  • avatar
    ختبغعثا

    good

    19/08

      1
  • avatar
    KhalishTengku

    I love this app

    10/08

      1
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