A D A M
I am not only worried about what will happen to me. I am also worried about what will happen to us by the time I go.
“Adam?” Naya calls, while my arms are wrapped across her chest. I insisted to visit the rooftop where I first recognize her. Technically, the first time we met was when that night she has mistaken me for a thief. 
“Yes, babe?” 
A giggle comes out of me. I think every time that babe word takes over our name, it hits different. 
“I think I had a terrible dream about you leaving.”  She says in a lonely tone of voice. 
I wait for her to continue. 
“We were sleeping together. And something you said made me very not happy. As far as I can remember unasked you if you want me to wait for if ever you leave me, and you said no. And I woke up crying the next morning. It was a rare dream because my eyes were closed the whole time. I couldn't see actually. I hate that dream.” Her hold on my arms tightens and I tighten my arms around her too. 
She thinks it was a dream. It wasn't. It did happen. How do I tell her that? It's upsetting her already, I can't add up to that. 
“I'm sorry that dreamed about that babe,” I tell her. The actual words I want to say don't want to come. I'm worried she might notice I'm not going against it right now. 
She lifts her head to look at me. “You won't leave me, Adam, will you?” Her eyes are pouring into mine, and there's a hopeful look in them. I don't want it to fade away.
I nod and plant a kiss on her forehead. “You don't have to worry about that.” I fake a smile. She turns to watch the sunset. And my heart is burning in ache again. How could I lie to her? She doesn't deserve this. 
This is the place I'll remember a part of her. She owns this place as she said to me that day. 
“Why do I feel so heavy inside?” She releases a heavy sigh. “Can you kiss me?” I remove my hands as she turns to face me. 
“Okay,” before I could say another word, she crashes her lips on me with full trust that her sadness will go away. Perhaps, she's wishing the same thing. That this heaviness we feel inside will go away even if that's just will be temporary. We admire temporary.
We kiss for about two minutes. There is no smile on Naya's face as she pulls away. “Babe?”
I only raise my brows and start kissing her face, hoping she will give me that sweet little smile for another time. “I hope your life will be as good as you want it to be. I hope you will be as happy as you deserve to be. That's all I want for you.” There's a tear slipping out of the cornered of her eyes.
“Hey, why are you crying?” I take her face between my palms and wipe my thumb on it. 
“I have no idea why I'm crying, Adam. You're making me cry.” She laughs between the words. “I just...I never thought someone would walk me up to this place and watch unset with me. I thought I would be alone forever in my entire life. But you came and walk me up here and watch the sunset with me.” Our eyes lock. “Thank you, Adam. Thank you for never giving up on me.” 
“You deserve to be happy. I know your family will get back together and be there for you. I have a feeling they will come back to you and you will be alone again even if I'm not there by your side.”
She nods, wiping her tears. “You deserve it too.” 
“I have something for you.” I hold a finger up and reach behind my pockets. “This ring I will give you will resemble a hope. A hope that even if we're not together-” When I notice a confused look on her face, I want to change my words. I don't want her to hint at my departure. “I mean this ring resembles a hope that you'll be happy no matter what happens. By the time you will wear it. You will find joy in every little thing. Seen or unseen. That's my wish for you and it is marked on this ring.” I say to her. “So...” I drop one knee to the ground. “Naya, will you promise me to be as happy as you deserve to be?”
“Yes, I will do my best.” She laughs, throwing her head back. I pick myself up and slip the ring on her fourth finger. She plants a kiss on it, then I give it kisses too just to make sure it's there and she knows my wish for her. 
This is not just a ring of that kind of wish. It's a goodbye ring. And whatever happens if ever well see each other in the future, I hope she's still wearing it. But even so not, I hope the one who replaces it is greater than the happiness I have given her. I want our goodbye to be memorably happy. That's what I have to do for her. She has to know that the reaming days we have left with no regret. I want her to know I'm leaving but if she does, I don't think I will be able to do it. 
I can't even afford to see her cry again. 
I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I hope she's still sleeping when I leave. That will be the best time to do it. That might be the plan but it's already breaking my heart. 
“I have something for you, too.” She says, reaching for something inside of her sling bag. “This.” An envelope. A neatly creamed color envelope. 
I take it, “What is this?” 
I'm nearly opening it when she stops. “Nope. You are not allowed to open that unless you will show up on our dinner date tomorrow.” 
“What why?” I attempt to lift the opening.
“Because that's my first love letter ever written to someone I love. I'll take it back.” She snatches it from me. 
“What no. Give it back to me.” I cry in desperate need to read it. And also because I won't be there. I will no longer be there. 
“Be there. 6 pm. I'll cook. Be there.” 
“So it will be at your place?” 
“Yes,” Naya draws closer to me and wraps her hand around my waist. “You will be there. Don't be late.” She put her lips to mine.
This could be the last time I will get to kiss her so I'm cherishing this moment. Pouring my love for her. Kissing with so much care and love and hope and praying this won't have to be the last time. Hoping she will find the happiness she truly deserves. Hoping she will choose to forward. I won't probably know if she will forgive me but I hope she chooses to forgive me too instead of hating me for leaving her. 
I love Naya. Damn if I don't. Whoever will love her next, I hope they won't fail to make her feel alive and not alone. I hope he will be there for her during dinner dates at her place and write her a sincere love letter, not just a note saying to whom it should be given. 
If our paths cross again, I hope I'll never have to leave.