A D A M
1 YEAR LATER...
“Adam you should eat,” Olivia says next to me in bed. “Please, fix yourself. Naya won't like this if she's here.” 
I just stare at the space on the wall across the room. The sky is bright. I haven't watched the ocean today outside my huge window. They didn't look pleasing as they used to be. 
I missed her, so so much. EVERYDAY. 
Olivia walks away from the bed and walks into my closet. “Your mother prepared your clothes so you can take a shower and wash that smell of beer on you.” She's stuffing between the hangers now. “Just don't go to the bar anymore, Adam. Please, look after yourself. Go get some haircut or something.” There's a hind of motivation in her voice but I can still clearly hear the disappointment. 
Everyone is disappointed in me. I would be if I were them. But it's hard to find the courage to move and take care of myself when I see no light. I don't know where I start. I don't know if I'm worth to ever live again. When Naya died that night, I lost my life too. 
I am the dead that lives. The only reason I'm here is to suffer the grief and loss. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what happened to her. I wish I could have known her better. I wish I know her dreams and have know where should want to be five years from now. What if I run after her? What if I pull her close and held her instead of...
“Adam? A box was sent for you just came today.” Olivia comes out of the closet with her arms field in front of her. She walks to bed again and sits next to me. “It's her stuff for you.”
My eyes quickly find their way to meet hers. She knows how this makes me happy. Olivia's smile grows in a hopeful line. “You should go get it.” She gives me a quick kiss on the cheeks before she walks out of the room. 
I give myself a time to breathe. There's an ignited excitement inside my chest all of a sudden. Perhaps, I am just happy enough to make the best of it. To have her things remind me of her. For so long, I have been looking for something that has been touched by her delicate hands and she's been holding while I am gone away. 
When I get up, I go straight to the shower and wash the smell of the beer off me. I can't help but smile. But it fades away knowing I don't deserve that kind of smile any more. 
I finished after five minutes. My mother and Olivia are talking in the living room when I walk towards the box sitting in the hallway from upstairs. They both look up at me and give me a sad smile. I know this has been hard for the both of them seeing me live like this for a tear without much words coming out of me. It's just that along with all the words I wanted to tell Naya, everything felt out of touch, including myself.
I pick up the small brown box. It's just light to carry. Her name is marked on one side of it. The door closes behind me as I lay the box on the table next to the window. I find a scissor on one of the drawers and cut it in the middle. 
It's hard to believe this. Whoever sends this to me, I'm just thankful for them. A white paper lies inside before I can touch the others. 
I pick it up and read. 
Hope you'll remember and find the courage to live again, buddy.
-Cannon
The note says. 
My hands shake as I gather the courage to see what's inside. They are letters from Naya. A lot of them. They are for me. 
I imagine the writing this for me. Maybe in the middle of the night with her yellow light on. Maybe she's happy writing this. Or she's still mad at me. I can't be sure unless I read them all. I shuffle through the letters. I can't just read them all at once. 
I feel so undeserving of her words. The last time I ever heard her talk to me is that night and it was a tragic night. Full of regrets there. It could be a beautiful night. It could have been if I just walked up to her in that coffee shop and asked her who the guy is. I could have shook his and given him some words. Cannon told me he wasn't her boyfriend. All along he was Ryan, Naya's ex-boyfriend. I might not know why they ended up together that night, but I can't help but feel jealous.
Cannon somehow felt that the blame should be on her. She says that if she didn't text Naya about my appearance, Naga could still be alive right now. But nobody else could predict someone's death let alone stops their dying. 
I wish I could. For a lot of chances, I wanted to be the one who's dead not her. But many deaths of people have passed, and none of us could ever have the chance to feel the death of someone. Only that the rest of us watch and grieve for either a long or short time. 
It's been a year since she died. I am still thinking about her every night. She's all I could think of. I prayed to God if there was any chance He could be able to bring her back to life. Months passed, and I got His answer. There isn't a way. And it saddened me and I still pray to thank Him for giving her to me as a gift. 
I place the bundles of letters down and look for more inside the box. There's a small envelope lying inside. When I open it, my heart becomes a whole. It's a ring. I thought it was the one that I gave her, but it's clearly something not like it. 
Along with it is a note saying, 
“This is for you, Adam. My very heart hopes for you to find joy in this world. My hope is to see you happy. My prayer for you is to find the reason to keep going. Promise me you will not be alone and lonely. We will not be. With or without each other. I love you still, regardlessly.” 
The tears start to flow out of my cheeks. I just missed her so much. I wish she's here saying this to me. This is too painful.
I slip the ring on my fourth finger. 
“I promise, Naya.” I sob wiping my tears off. “I love you, always.”