Xu and Lin Hua floated gently on the surface of Xi Hu, the lake mirroring the soft hues of the early evening sky. Their hands clasped as if it were the final time they would ever touch, the delicate scent of lotuses surrounding them, swaying gently in the stillness of the water.
The vast expanse of the serene blue sky above mirrored the quietude between them, yet Xu could feel an invisible weight tightening around his chest.
"Your father and mother must be looking for you by now," Lin Hua’s voice broke the silence, his words laced with gentle concern.
He created small ripples in the water with his fingertips, maintaining his balance effortlessly. "You can't abandon everything just for me, Master Xu. You know that."
Xu’s gaze remained fixed on the horizon, though his heart pounded with an intensity that felt misplaced in the calm of the moment. Despite the tranquil setting, his soul was in turmoil, and he could not escape the gnawing doubts within him.
"One last question, Lin," Xu’s voice trembled as he spoke, his hand tightening around Lin's, almost as if seeking an anchor. "Do you love me for who I truly am?"
Lin’s face softened as he turned his gaze toward Xu. His eyes, clear as the lake they floated on, shimmered with tenderness. "Xu," he said, his voice low, "you are more precious to me than any lotus I’ve cared for all these years. You are far lovelier, more sacred."
But the words failed to ease the ache in Xu’s heart. The more Lin affirmed his feelings, the more Xu found himself spiraling into deeper uncertainty.
"And yet," Xu began slowly, his voice heavy with emotion, "what about the world, Lin? What about the morals and norms that bind us? You’re a man, a straight man. There will come a time when society forces you to abandon me, when the weight of their judgment becomes too much. What can I possibly offer you? I am a man, Lin. We are both men. How can this last? Aren't you afraid of what people will say? Of the consequences?"
Lin Hua’s brow furrowed in confusion and perhaps a little hurt, but soon he let out a soft laugh. "Why are you saying all this now, Xu? Why are you doubting everything?" His eyes sparkled mischievously for a moment, softening the tension between them. "Wasn't it you who kissed me first?"
Xu's lips tightened, his throat constricting as unspoken fears rose to the surface. "What can I offer you?" he repeated, the weight of his insecurities forcing the words out in a near whisper. "I can never give you a child… I can never give you a family. How can I be enough?"
The vulnerability in Xu’s voice seemed to echo in the quiet evening air, drawing the world into stillness. Lin Hua, however, did not falter. He let the moment hang, watching Xu with a gaze that seemed to penetrate past all the doubts and fears swirling within him. With a gentle tug, Lin pulled Xu closer, their bodies brushing as they floated together.
"You still don't understand, do you?" Lin Hua's voice was gentle but firm, like the rustling of leaves in the evening wind. "I never asked for anything more than you, Xu. I don’t need a family, I don’t need children. I need you."
Xu’s eyes welled with unshed tears, a mix of disbelief and longing in his gaze. Lin Hua’s words were beautiful, but Xu couldn’t shake the deeper truths that haunted him, the ingrained values that whispered in his mind.
Perhaps Lin said that because it had only been hours since their hearts had said yes to being lovers.
"But Lin," Xu whispered, "society... the world... they will never accept us. People will condemn you, they'll condemn us. I cannot bear the thought of being the reason for your suffering. I can’t stand to think of the shame this would bring upon you. You’re destined for a life of honor and respect. I... I can’t give you that."
Lin sighed softly. "You speak of norms and morals as if they are immutable. As if they dictate what we must feel, what we must do. But Xu, do these things—these rules and expectations—truly understand love? Can they even begin to grasp what I feel for you?"
"But love alone cannot sustain us forever," Xu murmured, his heart aching at the thought. "We cannot live in a world of dreams, Lin. There will come a time when you’ll need to make a choice, and I fear... I fear that when that time comes, you’ll leave me behind."
Lin Hua tightened his grip on Xu’s hand, pulling him even closer so that they were face to face. His voice dropped to a whisper, but it was firm, filled with certainty. "Do you think so little of me, Xu? Do you think I would give up on us so easily? Yes, there are challenges, and yes, the world may never understand, but I am not afraid. I know what I want. And it’s you."
"You’re strong, Lin," Xu said after a moment, his voice tinged with sadness. "Stronger than I could ever be. But even if you aren’t afraid now, I worry for the day when you will be. When you realize how much easier it would be to live without me, without this burden. The world is unforgiving. What happens then? What will happen when your strength runs out?"
Lin Hua chuckled softly, a sound that felt almost out of place given the gravity of their conversation. "Xu, love isn’t something that can be measured by strength or fear. It isn’t about what society expects or what the future holds. It’s about what we feel right now, in this moment. And I feel… that I have found something precious in you. Something worth fighting for, no matter the cost."
Xu swallowed hard, his emotions threatening to spill over. He had longed for these words, this reassurance, yet now that it was laid before him, he couldn’t help but feel unworthy. "But I fear, Lin... I fear that love isn’t enough."
Lin’s expression softened once more, and with a gentle touch, he brushed a stray lock of hair away from Xu’s face. "Xu, love may not be enough to change the world, but it is enough to give us the courage to face it. Let us not think about tomorrow. Let us not let the weight of what others may think crush us before we’ve even begun. Here, in this moment, all that matters is you and me."
"Do you regret it? Do you regret the moment you kissed me? Should you have pushed me away?"
Lin Hua glanced at him, now the water was close to their chests. "Again? Regret?" he repeated, as though the word had no meaning. He shook his head gently. "No, Xu. I don't regret it."
"You should," Xu murmured, looking down at their entwined hands. "You should regret it. This... us... it’s impossible."
"Do you think I would kiss you, hold you like this, if I hadn’t already accepted what it means?"
"It feels like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall."
"Then fall," Lin said simply. "And I’ll catch you." He stopped and sighed. "Xu, I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know if this will last or if we’ll be able to defy everything that stands against us. But right now, in this moment, I know that I want to be here. With you. And that’s enough for me."
"Is it?" Xu asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Is it really enough?"
Lin smiled faintly, his thumb brushing over the back of Xu’s hand. "It has to be. Because if we don’t hold onto this—if we don’t let ourselves feel this—then what’s the point of anything?"
Then, slowly Lin claimed his lips and Xu wholeheartedly respond to his kiss.