Chapter 58
“Mom.” I smiled at my mother who died months ago. “Dad.” And to my father who died with her the same night. “I’m sorry if I broke your rule of consulting you out before having a boyfriend. But I have one.”
I expected them to throw killer grin at me. I expected them to shout at me for breaking their rule. In the neighborhood I lived in, it is normal for teenagers my age to date a whole set of men. My parents were different. They won’t let me unless I tell them. Maybe my brothers were the only exception, or maybe I am the exception to this neighborhood’s culture.
I opened the door so Gelo could enter. He wore his wide and happy smile as he greets my parents on a very nice day. We all sat on the couch, everyone has their own teacup of the hibiscus tea my parents like to bring whenever they’re on a vacation from different states.
We all chattered even though I couldn’t understand anything. We were just… talking. Nonstop. My parents seemed so happy to finally meet Angelo. It all seemed perfect. But this world is far from perfect.
Felix suddenly raged from the second floor of my room, attacking me. He jumped on me as I fell from the ground. “You killed us, Catherine!”
Then there are my parents’ faces, raging like him. “You are the reason why we died!”
They screamed at me and I couldn’t do anything but cry. They were… right. Maybe I am the root of it all. Maybe I am the reason why the people that I love start a nightmare in my dreams. Maybe if I wasn’t born, they wouldn’t die.
…
I woke up with a mark of tears just below my eyes. Did I just cry in my dreams? I used my cotton shirt to wipe out the marks of my cries in my dreams. Then I rushed downstairs to splash water into my desert-dry throat. That was such a fucking nightmare.
I have to assure myself. Mom and Dad weren’t mad for saving me. Felix wasn’t enraged because he died protecting me.
Fuck. My intrusive thoughts are winning.
“Hey.” Jay’s voice made me feel better. He just got up from the bed like me. “Can I ask how my sister’s date was yesterday?” He smiled at me. For a while, I kinda forgot my nightmare.
Should I tell him what really happened yesterday?
“We did great. Gelo is a very considerate guy to date with.”
“Glad to hear he wasn’t just hot, but he cares for what you want as well.”
“He’s definitely that. We read books and drink coffee. It could’ve been such a perfect day after everything that happened. But Alpha ruined it. He showed up and attacked us. He’s mad. So mad he tried to hurt me.”
“He hurt you?” Jay exclaimed at my face. He checked my body for signs of knife slash or punch or blood.
“I’m fine. We left as soon as he showed up. It’s like I don’t want any mess with him.” I sighed, letting out all of my intrusions and frustrations. “Sometimes I feel like a villain. I feel like sometimes I am the problem in this world. I feel like if I disappear…”
“Don’t you ever say that, Catherine?” Jay wrapped his body around me. Jay is the gummy-bear type of brother. His love language is physical touch and his hugs were the best when it comes to these kinds of stressing times.
“Mom, Dad, and Felix showed up to my dreams. They’re mad at me for dying.”
“I’m sure they don’t want you to feel that way.” We paced to the couch to sit. A glass of water entangled by my brother’s huge hands. “They show in my dreams as well. They keep on reminding me to protect you and to take care of myself.”
“How are you doing after Felix died?” I asked as if it isn’t obvious that both of us weren’t doing fine. It happened so recently that he pain is still as painful as a fresh cut.
“Cath, the pain is still there… Like you, I blame myself. I could’ve been stronger so I could protect him. He protected us most of the time, but when he needed us, we weren’t able to do anything. He’s my first protector. He’s the best guy out there. He shielded me from the bullies in fifth grade. He taught me how to stand up on my own. I feel like I could always rely on myself. When he’s gone, I don’t know if I can rely on myself ever again.”
I held his hand and caressed it. Felix’s death was so sudden that we have to move on in a very rushed manner. We never had the chance to talk about him before this moment.
“The pain is still there, but I already accepted he’s not coming back. Ever. Again.”
I can see the pain in his eyes. I can see how he wanted to be angry at me for everything that happened. I can see how he stopped his feelings and stood up as my brother, as my emotional supporter.
There’s no one to blame, but the alpha. He ruined lives. He ruined us. And I’m scared, he’ll ruin more.
…
As soon as I felt my sleepiness is gone, I got out to take a few walks outside and also to peer through Gelo’s house. I kinda expected to see him helping Nana take care of the plants in their garden. Or I could smell bread baking.
But there’s nothing, which for me, is weird. I have stayed in this town for months and this is the first time Nana’s house felt dry and dead, as if there’s no one living inside.
My negative thoughts are starting to tell me that something happened to them. But I have to be positive, right? They might just still be sleeping. Nope. Nana never wakes up at this hour. The most feasible reason is that they left early to bond outside this town. They need that breather after everything that happened.
Right. That must be what happened. Not something bad or worse. After what happened yesterday, I couldn’t bear to hear that another thing will happen.
Then there’s Mom appearing from Nana’s back door. I stopped looking for her in the morning because she’s mostly with Nana or she’s visiting her old house. She said she still needs to take care of that house. The memories that she had with my grandparents are still engraved in that house.
There’s no joy on her face, sensing that something really happened. Oh, My God. I don’t know what I could do if the alpha hurt Nana or Gelo or even Minnie and Sage!
“W-What happened?” I asked. Instead of replying right away, she squeezed my body.
“I love you so much, Catherine,” she said and kissed my cheeks. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened. It wasn’t your fault. Nana knew you don’t have anything to do with it. Nana loves you. Gelo loves you.”
I stared into her eyes, waiting for an answer to my question. The thoughts piling up inside my head start to prickle my skin.
“Is Nana okay? Is Gelo inside? What happened?”
Why does my mom’s face is telling me that someone died?
“Gelo’s father… That awesome and hardworking mom was killed at work…”
And now my mind and my soul had been shattered.