Chapter 59
Gelo wasn’t talking or even showing up to me for days. I hate that it happens because I love talking to him. In this town, he is my favorite person to talk to. My best friend. My boyfriend. But I do understand why. His father died. Another person in his family died. And as far as I know, his greatest fear is losing a person who’s been a huge part of his life.
I swear I wanted to talk to tell him I’ll be by his side no matter what happens. I’ve been through what he’d been through before. I lost three important people in my life. Then I found out how fucked up my life is. Being the daughter of the worst man on the planet.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Gwen told me when she came over to visit. “You didn’t do anything. It’s just it is that bastard who kills almost anyone.”
She wrapped me in her presence. I’ve been longing for this feeling. Gwen is the only female friend I have in this town. I don’t know if I can treat Stacy and other women the same. Gwen listens. It’s just we rarely see each other because she’s working at their store.
“I hate how he ruins my life. Our life. That day could’ve been a perfect day with Gelo. That day supposedly be our day. Then he showed up. When he didn’t get anything, he’ll hurt me. He killed Gelo’s father!”
“He’s really fucked up. Sometimes there is a reason why a bad person is a person. That guy… He’s just a straight-up bad person.” I fucking hate him now. He’s been bad and cruel before and I knew it. It’s just I didn’t know how worse it was.”
Gwen stayed for a few more hours. We watched two movies, a rom-com, and a horror. I wish I have a sister like her, who’s willing to spend her day with me. My brothers were always like that not until they reached adulthood and they need to work. Jay stopped from his previous job a week ago. He started an online job, a freelancing one, where he is earning more than expected.
Everything is exhausting. Everything felt like a spiral circling me. I wish it could stop. I wish I could make it happen to stop. I just need time, just a few, to wait for Gelo…
…
More and more people started to visit our house, mostly Mom, to tell her they were with us. What’s been the norm has to change. What’s been wrong has to be corrected.
“We happened to reach a hundred,” Mom says when we’re finally left at peace. We were sitting at the kitchen table, fruits at the center of it, paper and pen on Mom’s elbow. “I didn’t know it would be a lot. They all thought I was crazy. They happen to silence themselves on what they have come through.”
“They are all victims?”
“Yes.” She sighed, disappointed. “I didn’t know he has this much of a victim. Some of them are straight-up evil, like killing their loved ones, killing their pet, and even putting permanent injury on them. I’m happy I didn’t hear a story similar to mine. No one deserves to go through that. No life deserves to be ruined by just one man.”
I lean my chair closer to her. She’s been through a lot and now she’s hearing people who suffered the same. “Did you ever feel you just need to give up and let it go?”
“Many many times before. I lost everything. My parents. My soul. No one wants to help me. It’s either they think I am crazy or they are too afraid of alpha’s power. Who wouldn’t? Anyone who meddles with his affairs will be killed. That’s how easy killing is for him. An unpurposeful act.”
She stood up and fetched herself a diet Coke in a can. She asked if I wanted one but I rejected. I don’t like Diet Coke. It’s Jay who stocks them up for him to drink while he’s working upstairs. I already told him how bad artificial sugars are. But he wasn’t listening.
“Every day is like a battle before. You’re going to wake up without purpose. You just have to get through the day. Nana’s addition to my life makes it lighter, still, I don’t have any purpose. When Nana told me about you. That you are in good shape, I found light in the darkness.” He stared through me, creating a spark as our eyes met. “Now I have a purpose. You are my purpose. Justice for everything that happened to you is what I have to accomplish. I did not do anything before. And now, I can’t just be a totem who wouldn’t do anything again.”
The night of the same day, I opened my windows and let the shivering breeze of the cool air slip inside. It screams peace, my brain as well screams the same. A lot of things happened.
I saw Sage come out from their backdoor. Hoodie on, headphones plucked on both of his ears. He said he likes to walk when everything feels surreal. I hope I could see Gelo as well.
I watched Sage, emulsifying his every step. I kinda see Gelo in him. I wish he stops in front of our house, tell me he was going to be fine, asking me for warmth, for guidance. Damn, it hurts not to see him for days. He didn’t stop. Instead, he glanced up and reached me through the darkness.
Sage, the boy who would never smile, grinned. The kind of grin telling me it’s not my fault. The kind of grin telling me it’s gonna be alright. The kind of grin, that tells me, everything happens for a reason. The kind of grin, showing pain and artificial happiness inside him.
He lost a father a few days ago. I can’t force him to feel good. But with his grin and slight assurance, I feel the end is getting closer to the edge. I kinda feel the urge rising from my body. The urge to end everything right.
…
The town of Dusk and Dawn was almost pitch black on my way back. Afternoon walks again. I don’t know how far I reached. I just walk, think, and overthink again. Maybe this is just my excuse so I could go outside, and pretend I wasn’t waiting for Angelo the whole day. I miss him and I am so sorry for what happened. I want to be with him, to feel him again. Maybe even kiss him.
On my way back, I saw two cows eating grasses just around the fifth block of the town. I wish I’m just a cow who doesn’t have that many problems. Who don’t have to decide and don’t have anyone to lose. I do wonder if they have feelings though.
The night gets colder and my steps get heavier. I could feel my knees wobbly resisting my weight. I’m never an athlete yet I forced myself to walk nonstop for at least two hours. I hug myself since no one would.
I talk to myself the whole way back. As a peered to Nana’s terrace, he was there. His eyes were on me, the golden retriever energy gone. He’s wearing a plain black T-shirt and dirty-washed pants.
Gelo’s the type of person who would smile every time the two of you meet. But tonight, he did not. He only pursed his lips and trudged towards me. After what happened, he turned to a variant of his brother.
“I’m sorry.” I stuttered when he came close. Instead of slapping or screaming at me, just like what I expected, he wrapped me like there was no tomorrow. Damn, I miss this touch. I miss this feeling.
“I hate you for saying sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the… Fuck! I don’t even want to mention him. Can we not mention him tonight?”
Mention him tonight? Does he mean we’ll be talking all night?
I nodded and released myself from his presence. “Sure. We won’t be mentioning him.”
We walked through the porch and sat on the wooden chair where Nana usually sits while folding their clothes. “How are you doing?” Gelo only looked at me and blinked. “Of course it’s obvious. How about Nana and Minnie?”
“I’m fine. We’re fine. It hurts but we’re going to be fine. We have to, ‘ya know? Minnie cried a lot. Nana’s been stoic since that day. It felt like she lost her feelings that day. But she’s getting there. In being okay.”
“I thought you hate me.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“I haven’t seen you for days.”
“I don’t want to show up to you mad. Not at you. I don’t want you to see that side of me.”
“Like Sage?”
“Worse than him.” We paused for a second as he held my hands, entangled his fingers in mine. “Aside from the fact that I miss and love you. I want to talk to you about ending this madness. It can’t happen again to anyone. We have to end this.”
I sighed. “I’m only waiting for you. I can’t do this without you.”
“We’ll do this together. But we have to do it as soon as possible.”
I stared at him for a second, placing my hands on both of his cheeks. Then I touch his soft lips with mine. He answered my kisses and we did it for a few seconds. Before I lose my self-control, I stopped. He’s good. So good. “Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Yup. I already planned it. I already told anyone. Tomorrow, it will be the last day of my father’s madness. As the dawn falls, the imaginary castle he built will finally crumble.”