It was one of those days that seemed to carry some finality to it—commencement day, something I had worked for since the early stages of senior high school. But instead of seeing all this joy or elation, my chest seemed to contract with a tight knot inside. Others were pleased, as if the finish line marked the beginning of something bright. To me, though, the future held not just possibilities but the full expectations I never wanted.
I adjusted my graduation gown over myself for the last time, tightening my sash securely in place. This was supposed to be the beginning of a new page, but somehow I felt like an usurper of somebody's place in the book. I looked in the mirror at my face, trying to feel some excitement in my perceptions as I attempted to muster up some meaning to match this milestone occasion, but all I could really feel was the pull of that arranged marriage with Apollo's family—something I never wanted. I was still just a high school girl, and the weight of adulthood was already bearing down upon me.
THE CEREMONY
The courtyard was abuzz with excitement, students and parents alike. It was hard and heavy with pride and nostalgia. We'd done it. The teachers glowed warmly as the kids came to say goodbye, reminiscing over the years we spent together. My parents sat in the front row, eager and proud, while Caspian and Dylan fidgeted beside them. Caspian was already giving me encouraging looks, and little Dylan was trying his best to stay seated.
I scanned the crowd, my heart leaping as I caught a glimpse of Clementine Gray. He leaned back against the wall, grinning at his friends, effortlessly charming the world about him. Madeline looked perfectly put together, always, but leaned into Clem's ear and said something that made him laugh once more. A dull ache spread through my chest.
"We could have been something," I thought cynically, though I knew better. Madeline had consumed that space in his life. I was just an afterthought, a mute spectator.
The crowd erupted into applause as Sia's name was called. She emerged to give her valedictory speech, her voice full of confidence and lucidity. I clapped, though it sounded mechanical.
"Next, Aravella Dwayne," the principal announced.
Stepping out onto the stage, taking a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. Polite applause-that was nice-but all I knew was that Mom and Dad were at the very front of it all, clapping away-for themselves, no doubt-while I hovered on the stage, wondering how I'd gotten there. Caspian gave me a thumbs-up; Dylan waved his paper sign with my name on it.
It should have felt exhilarating. I should feel content, but it only felt like a burden against me. I reached out, received my diploma, and sat back down, the weight squarely on my shoulders.
When the ceremony was over, the guests poured into the courtyard, embracing and laughing and making endless pictures. Dania and Rafael spotted me easily, pulling me toward the group shot.
"Freedom!" Rafael shouted as the camera snapped.
"Finally!" Dania chimed in, wrapping her arms around me. "We're done, Ara!"
But I only managed a small smile. Not for me, not yet.
"You okay?" Dania asked, her brow furrowed in concern.
"Yeah, just tired," I mumbled, trying to brush it off.
"You're lying," Rafael teased, nudging me playfully. "Come on, lighten up! You're going to Van Gogh University! That's a huge deal!"
I fixed on another smile. Van Gogh University—the holy school. And Clementine would be there too. I couldn't bear how that image made something in me stir to life, hope as hopeless as a spent match. But he wasn't mine to hope for anyway. Not with Madeline on his arm.
"Hey, are you planning to see Clementine anytime soon?" Dania asked, her voice full of interest.
"Maybe," I muttered, trying to sound nonchalant. "But he's with Madeline."
Ugh, she doesn't deserve him. Rafael muttered, rolling his eyes. "You're way cooler than her, Ara."
Thanks, I said, pasting a smile on my face. Inside, however, I drowned in my own insecurities.
____________
It had been some time since the fun and revelry had begun to fall and the house had grown quiet, for I sat in my room surrounded by echoes of laughter that resounded in the air. The sun was fallen below the horizon, and before it twilight glow draped shadows across my walls. Thoughts swirled and tumbled within my mind, leftover remnants of the day-the ceremony, the celebration, and the weight of expectations that somehow weighed me down like a thick fog.
What is it about I am doing now? Only silence soothes my heart, one quiet glance now through the crook of the door at graduation robes hanging at their posts; bright colours - drab and fading light. Heart heavy and sore with looming reality of this forced marriage to Apollo - it's as though being swept away with all of these dreams and regrets that don't seem to be mine.
It was near, nigher now, for a sound broke the stillness. Tapping soft but persistently at my window came. Panic took away my breath, and I rushed over toward the sound. Was this an intruder? Shadows crept into my room as I went toward my window. Each step quickened the beat of my heart.
"Who is there?" I called out, trying to keep my voice normal.
"That's me, Clementine," replied the familiar voice, calm and reassuring.
Blinking in utter disbelief, my heart skipped a beat. Clementine? Opening the window and feeling cool evening breeze rushing inside, I just stood there as he stood dressed casually in jacket casing his lean frame perfectly while gazing at me with a warm smile that managed to gleam with some mischief in his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, shocked, but surprised at the flutter of excitement that began stirring within my chest.
"I wanted to see you, Vella," he said bluntly, entering my room through the window as though that was just a normal, everyday event.
I closed the window behind him, letting reality hit me square in the face; Clementine was in my space, and the rest of the world faded into the background. "But it's late. Aren't you supposed to go home, celebrate with your friends?"
"I needed a break from the party," he said, sweeping his eyes over my room, the posters, the clutter, little pieces of my life strewn around. "I wanted to check on you. You seemed… I don't know, a bit off today."
"Do you think so?" I murmured, not knowing how he's noticed when I've taken every ounce of care in hiding it. "I'm just… overwhelmed, I guess."
His deep face stares back at me and responds: "You should not feel that. A great achievement, Vella, you deserve this. You have worked for this day."
I sighed and rubbed my hand through my hair. "It's not just this, Clementine. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. There's the future, and it's not the future I wanted." My voice quivered a little as I said more than I had planned.
"Is it about the marriage?" he said, moving closer, his face full of concern.
"How did you know?"
"Well, we are inside of the circle of people, I know a lot of things from strangers..." he subtle smiled. He saw my rubics cube and play it.
My rib cage barely moved as I spoke. I nodded. "It's like I am stepping into someone else's life instead of mine. Everyone is everywhere, telling me to be happy, but I feel suffocated."
We sat in silence as he just looked at me for a minute, his eyes so sober serious.
"You don't have to live your life for anyone else, Vella. You deserve to make choices for who you are. Not what someone expects you to be."
"Fine."
"Let's elude, my Vella," he chuckled and I ignored his joke.
Those words really struck home, though I couldn't help that knot inside from feeling heavier. "It's hard to think about what I want when everyone else has their plans for me. And I don't even know what I want."
"So let's do this together," he said, his voice softening. "Let's start with tonight. What do you want right now?
I blinked, caught off guard. "Now? I. I want to be free. Just for a moment, I just want to let everything else go."
A smile slid up his face, lighting the room. "Then let's make that happen. We can talk, or we can just hang out. Whatever you need."
"Are you not busy?" I think about Madeline and Emelyne but... A wave of heat rose through my chest, partly from shock but mostly by hope. "You mean it? 
 
"Yes. You are not some expectation, Ara. You are so much more. Let's celebrate you."
 
At that, I couldn't help but smile. "Okay, let's celebrate."
 
"Awesome! What do you want to do?" he asked, a genuine excitement in his voice.
"Can we go out? I love the way stars are coming tonight," I offered, which seemed to ignite a spark of adventure in me.
"Perfect. I know a spot," he said already moving toward the window. I followed him, feeling the thrill of anticipation as we climb out into the cool night air.
Under the stars— our constellation... We walked in silence awhile then, the moon shining silverly through shining beams. With each step by Clementine's side, the weight of the world sloughed off.
"That's beautiful," I said as we crested behind my house. Overhead, stars twinkled bright, and I couldn't help but marvel at brilliancy.
"Yeah, that's one of my favorite spots," said Clem, sitting down on the grass, gesturing for me to do the same. I sat beside him; the cool earth strangely grounded me in the moment.
"Thanks for coming tonight," I said, turning to him. "I hadn't expected to see you, let alone like this."
He smiled softly, and his eyes reflected the starlight. "Neither did I, if I'm honest. But I couldn't let you spend this moment alone."
"Why?" But he just shrugged as a responsed. And for the first time in a long time, that little tickle of hope swelled with my heart as I listened to him. "What if I told you I wished for something different, something unpredictable?"
"What if?" he asked him, chuckling.
"Like… be able to choose whatever path I want without having expectations that'll tie me up."
He nodded thoughtfully. "That's a powerful wish. And it is one worth fighting for, Aravell."
We sat there in silence, at ease, while stars bore witness to our conversation. The minutes passed as I felt myself opening little by little from layers of doubt and fear.
"Do you ever feel trapped by what people expect of you?" I started asking, low, barely above a whisper. "Clementine Gray."
There was, for the moment, a glimpse of recognition in his gaze. "Day after day. People think of me to be quite ideal; never see that I am trying to cope with it. Want to be more than what everybody expects."
"I never thought about that," I said, amazed. "You look so confident."
"It's sometimes a facade," he admitted, his face turning away. "We all have our battles. It's just figuring out how to be true to ourselves, despite what anyone else thinks."
I nodded, feeling the connection between us deepen. "I want to be true to myself, but it's hard. I've always worried about disappointing my family, my friends…"
"Disappointment is part of life," he said soothingly. "But you have to live for you, not them. What does your heart tell you?"
I sat there for a bit, letting his words sink in. "I want to be able to chase my dreams, even if that chases of everyone else's dream. I want to find my own voice."
"Then you should," he encouraged, his face very serious. "You're more than well capable of that. And I'll be right here cheering every step along the way."
"Really?" I whispered, my voice sort of shaking.
Of course, he replied, smiling reassuredly now. "You got this, Vella."
I looked at him, and a wave of appreciation rolled down my face. The weight had been lifted--at least, the weight of expectation kind of. "Thanks for coming tonight, Clementine. Means more than you think."
He grinned, wrapping me tight like a warm blanket. "Glad I made it. Kind of a night to remember, Vella."