“Kabhi Alvida Na Kehena”, a Hindi poem that means, “Never Say Goodbye Forever” A poem that was given to her by someone who means a lot to her. But this person was already saying goodbye three days ago. Not just a simple goodbye but it totally means ‘farewell’.
JA remained staring at the ceiling of the bedroom and got in her feelings. Reminiscing about them exchanging sweet messages online, sharing jokes, laughing, and fighting. She shook her head and still asking herself if it’s already a goodbye for her and Zacky. She felt the emptiness deep within. This feeling was tearing her apart, gradually killing her inside.
Although she and Zacky haven’t met personally and did not even know their real names and real faces, but they both care for each other and even more than that.
For more than two months, when they were chatting each other online, Zacky taught her a lot of things and gave her the love and care she was longing for. Because of this overwhelming feeling, she made Zacky, the character of her story and fell in love with her thinking that she was a man. She thought that falling for Zacky was just a part of the plot, but she realized her feelings were turning into reality, which made her emotional and sensitive all the time.
Until Zacky became tired of understanding her and finally giving up on her. As she said in her post, she needs to get rid of toxic people in order to have peace in her life. And JA was sure that the post was referring to her and it’s true. She was just a red flag and toxic to Zacky’s life that needs to be eliminated forever.
Her heart was aching so bad that she wanted to scream out loud, she wanted to cry but tears would never come out from her eyes.
It was all her fault because she was desperately seeking love and affection to the extent that she had crossed the limits. She interfered with Zacky’s personal life by using her ability to read minds, without even considering that Zacky is a writer who doesn’t reveal his/her real identity to the people. It was her being narcissistic, that made things complicated. Thus, she deserved all of these because what she did was truly unforgivable.
Now, it’s time to let go of Zacky. It’s time to let go of her illusionary love because illusions could never be real. But she would still continue updating her story, despite the feeling of numbness and disconnection she had deep inside because she is a writer that entertains her readers.
She stood up and decided to open her laptop when Nanny knocked on the door and told her that Trixie was waiting for her in the sala. She fixed herself in front of the mirror and dressed in a simple pink blouse and black denim shorts, and then she went downstairs.
“Hi Trix, it’s been a long time!”, she exclaimed and gave her a warm embrace.
They were seated beside each other on the sofa bed.
“JA, Ace and I already broke up. We talked last night and we decided to go on separate ways”, Trixie said.
“Oh I’m sorry Trix, are you okay?”, she asked intently.
“I’m fine JA, I already accepted the reality that Ace would never learn to love me because there’s only one woman in her heart and that’s you JA”, Trixie’s voice quavered, and droplets of tears fell from her eyes. Until she could not anymore control herself and a loud sob escaped from her mouth.
JA pulled her a hug and caressed her back.
“I’m sorry Trix, I’m really sorry”
“But don’t force yourself on him. You can still find a man that is worthy of your love. For now, you need to move on”, she said trying to control her emotion because she was also not feeling good.
“Ahm, JA, can I ask you something?”
“Yes, what is it Trix?”
“Have you not loved Ace even just a little? You were with him for two years, right?”
JA was shocked by what Trixie asked her. She tried to recall those times she was with Ace. And she admits, she liked him for being gentle and caring to her. She maybe liked Ace in fact, she tried her best to make it up for him that time, but it did not work because she found out he was having an affair with her best friend.
“Why not give him another chance? JA, I know Ace loves you so much. Promise, it will be okay for me if you come back to him”, Trixie said seriously.
“I am not yet ready to enter a relationship again Trix. I like Ace but I don’t love him”, she said softly.
Trixie just nodded. Then she looked intently at her.
“JA, are you not feeling well? I heard you were admitted in the hospital last time, sorry I wasn’t around that time because I was out in the country to visit my family in New York. Besides, Ace did not tell me about it.”
“And looking at you now, you look pale. Are you sick? Can you please tell me?”
JA took a deep sigh. She cleared her throat before she spoke.
“I have an ischemic heart disease Trix, I know I only had a few days left in this world”, she said while tears started to form in her eyes.
“You mean, coronary heart disease? So what did the doctor tell you? Did he not advise you to undergo a heart transplant?
JA told Trixie everything. After all, she is her best friend. She told her that a heart transplant is the only possible solution, but she doesn’t want to undergo it, since it only has a 50% chance of survival.
Trixie held her hand.
“JA, listen. You need to take the chance even if it’s 50%. Please…you need to do it for your family and for yourself”, Trixie said trying to convince her.
“I know you are afraid. But we are here for you. I promise to find a heart donor JA. Don’t worry about it okay?”
“I’ll think about it Trix, thank you”, she quavered and hugged her tightly.
Trixie just nodded and after some time, they bid goodbye to each other because her friend needs to attend her night shift at Saint Luke Medical Center.
She was still there sitting in the sala and watching television when Jareed arrived. Her brother just looked at her without any expression. He did not even greet her. She knew her brother was still upset about what happened last time.
“Hi boo!”, she ran towards him and gave him a hug.
“Boo, are you still mad at me? Please…talk to me!”, she pleaded.
Jareed did not respond instead he gave her a cold gaze. He continued his way to his room, while JA was following behind him.
“Boo!”
“Boo, please talk to me!”, she exclaimed. Then she squatted on the floor and started sobbing.
Jareed looked at her.
“C’mon get up sweetie. You are acting like a kid.”, Jareed said in a rough voice as he reached out his hand to her. He let her sit on the couch and tried to calm her down.
“That’s enough. I don’t want to see you crying, you know that”, he said while trying to wipe out her tears with his thumb.
“Tell me, why you’re like that, I read the chapter you recently updated, and you said no more tears would come out from your eyes, but why you’re crying now?”, Jareed asked.
She was stunned into silence. She did not even know why she was crying. She thought her tears were already running dry. But why all of the sudden, she was sobbing.
“Sweetie, listen. I know you are hurt. Don’t suppress your feelings. If you want to cry, then cry. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Zacky is already saying goodbye to me boo. We had a lot of quarrels, but she never said goodbye forever. But now…”, she said emotionally.
Jareed pulled her a hug and caressed her back. Afterwards, he lifted her chin for her to look at him.
“Sweetie, people come and go in this world. If it’s already a goodbye for both of you, then you have to accept it even if it is hurting. It’s time for you to let go of your illusions. Zacky is only an illusion. You are a psychologist sweetie and you exactly understand what I meant to say.”
After hearing all those words from Jareed, her mind was enlightened. Her brother was right. She had to let go of the illusions and embrace the reality. It’s time for her to move on, no matter how hard it is.
“Thank you boo. It’s now time to move on.”, she said, showing her brother a soft smile.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded and embraced her brother.
“If you’re already sure, then come with me tomorrow. Let’s attend the birthday party of Nikko. You know he told me to come with you”, her brother uttered.
Jareed smiled at her and pinched her nose.
“You need to go to the salon and have your hair waxed. Undergo some facials and skincare, okay? Because I want you to look pretty. I mean you’re already pretty, but I want you to look even more beautiful”, Jareed said and winked his eyes.
She smiled at her brother. Despite the pain, she was feeling deep inside her heart, but still, she was thankful that Jareed is always there for her, willing to cheer her up during the saddest and lowest times of her life.