Emotional Attachment.
"A form of deep affection resulting to a feeling of helplessness when left by someone we love."
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Picnic at Sta. Elena Fun Farm in Cabuyao, Laguna, was SENTHIE's and Jimhuesh's first date. The Fun Farm offered party and picnic areas, pockets of natural playgrounds, a small lagoon, a gigantic sandbox, animal feeding stations, horse stables, and an amphitheater.
Senthie enjoyed their date so greatly that she didn't check her social media accounts and only used her phone for taking pictures. It seemed to her that Jimhuesh put a lot of thought into their first date and she wanted to savor every moment. Senthie was even beyond touched when he told her that he remembered how she seemed to love the fresh air and nature when they had gone hiking, and that was why he chose the place. She never would've guessed that he kept every little thing about her in his mind. It made her heart skip a beat. He never failed to surprise her. His surprises were the only ones she adored and would never get used to. She felt something different in just their first date, something weird that she never had experienced before, but she couldn't seem to pinpoint what it was. After the picnic, strolling, and other activities, they continued their date by having a deep conversation. And then there, Senthie would always find herself gazing at Jimhuesh just like how she would stare at the moon.
On their second date, Senthie was extremely awed. Jimhuesh told her it would just be a date at a cafe, but it never crossed her mind that it would be a date in a book cafe. She wouldn't ask anything more than that. It was one of her ideal dates, she wondered how Jimhuesh knew about it when she never told to anyone. But it turned out that it was his ideal date, also. He told her that he'd like to date someone who loved to read, but it didn't mean that he wanted to force anything on her, this time, he just wished to show Senthie what he was like. Senthie thought he loved to read novels like her, but was instead surprised to learn that he preferred reading non-fiction stories, newspapers, history, and other articles that he could absorb knowledge from. Senthie was impressed incredibly. She hadn't met a man like him before. He was the first man whom she had founded the most attractive. A man that had a beautiful mind, she concluded by the end of the day. For her, it was the best date ever!
For their last date, it was postponed for a while, but Jimhuesh had news for her that was unexpected and nerve-wracking. Still, Senthie agreed, but before anything else, she had to talk to Kenzo. She knew that telling him that she was dating someone else was unnecessary since they had already broken up several months ago. However, for some reason, Senthie felt that Kenzo needed to learn about it, perhaps, to clear things up between them that it was already over for them or to make him give up and move on.
Senthie made her way downstairs to open the door for Kenzo. She let him in and invited him to sit and wait for a little bit while she prepared the snacks (cupcakes that Jimhuesh had bought for her from the book cafe) and for the drink, she dispensed one sachet of Nestea, iced tea lemon in a pitcher, added ice cubes, and stirred it. Senthie put the snacks and the pitcher, including two glasses on the tray and served.
"What's up?" Senthie said and smiled awkwardly as she put the tray on the center table and sat on the couch.
"I'm good, I guess." He gave her a small smile. "I heard you're seeing the VP of GMC."
"Oh, did Cecile tell you?" she asked, and he nodded. "Oh, I see. She's right," Senthie paused, took a deep breath, and decided to turn off her emotions. One thing that she could do most times. "Do you still have feelings for me? I hope you've already moved on. I'd really appreciate that. I want you to open up your heart to someone who deserves you better."
Kenzo smiled at her sadly with a glint in his eyes. Senthie knew her words hurt him, but she thought it would be best to tell him the truth.
"Can you tell me what's wrong with me, Sen?" The sad smile on his face faded, his lower lip quivered, and his tears began. "Is it really hard for you to love me? I'll do anything you want me to. Just don't leave me."
No matter how Senthie tried to suppress her emotions, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She knew why he was acting like that. He had the tendency to give more than enough. He had a broken family. His mother was accused of having an affair, so his father divorced her and sent her to the Philippines together with Kenzo who was just a nine-year-old boy. His parents had a deal. Kenzo would stay at her side, and after he finished his studies--which his father sponsored--he would work for his company in Japan. After a few years of living in the Philippines, his mother married the man she had an affair with and had three children. Soon, after four years, Kenzo's father invited him to his wedding in Japan. Hence, both of his parents had their own new families, so he grew up pleasing his parents even more, afraid that they might hate or abandon him if he didn't. He didn't resent his parents one bit, he had a warm big heart. He had been through so much and Senthie wouldn't let him suffer more.
"You see, Ken... I don't want you to stay like this. Just because I'm not in a romantic relationship with you doesn't mean I'm leaving you. That's now how it works. I love you, and I will always be here for you as a friend." She placed his hands on hers. "We may give our all to our loved ones, and still, they may not feel the same way as us. Too much attachment can destroy us once the other person decided to leave, either in a relationship or in our lives. Just like a paper attached to a scotch tape for a long time, once the tape is pulled off, the paper will tear apart." She laughed. "I don't know why I chose that as a metaphor, but just imagine you are the paper and I'm the scotch tape. And now, try to imagine me as the paper, do you like seeing me tear apart?"
He shook his head. "No, but I won't leave, I won't let you tear apart." He held her hands tightly.
She half-smiled. "The thing is, I'm not expecting you to do that. I know that people come and go and I've already accepted that fact a long time ago. But, if you ever find someone who chooses to stay, and you feel the same way, that's what you deserve, someone who is sure about you. But please, keep in mind that too much attachment could lead to disadvantage."
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Two days after that day, Senthie learned through Walter that Kenzo left for Japan.
"Really? I guess, his father needs him," Senthie stated as she flipped the scrambled egg. "Do you miss him already?"
Walter was on her side watching her with his folded arms. "Really? Are you really going to be like this? Huh?"
She rolled her eyes and turned to him. His face was serious, with no hint of the usual Walter. "What are you talking about? Do you not like scrambled eggs?"
"I'm not talking about those damn eggs, I'm talking about how you hurt my best friend," he said firmly. "Do you really think he left for work? He went there to move on, and we do not know how long, he may be staying there for good, don't you know that?"
Senthie turned off the stove and transferred the egg to a plate. She put it on the dining table and covered it. She assumed her brother wanted to talk first, so she led the way to the living room and both of them sat on the single sofa across from each other. She took a deep breath before she began. "I'm disappointed with how low you think Kenzo's ability to move on. Can't you just cheer him up or something? I don't see any wrong with him moving on. This will be good for him, don't you think so?"
"I know, it's good that he's finally back to his senses. But, you know what he had been through, don't you feel pity on him?"
She huffed in disbelief. "Pity? Do you think what he needs is pity? Kenzo deserves all the good things in life, and you're telling me to feel pity toward him? Can you hear yourself?"
He stood up, his face filled with guilt and anger. "That's not what I meant. You should've tried harder! Kenzo did his best for you! Did you know that he almost spent all of his savings for you just to reach your dreams?"
"What?" She stood up. Her heartbeat quickened, and she felt her flesh trembling. "What are you talking about?"
He sighed heavily as he wiped his mouth, his other hand on his waist. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but now that it came to this, you need to know the truth." He sighed again. "The investor that keeps on depositing to your account without asking for returns, is Kenzo."
Senthie shook her head as her knees felt weak. Her butt plopped on the sofa. "No...no...that can't be." She stood up again and controlled herself not to fall. "Why would he do that? He knows that I would hate it if he does that! I don't believe you!"
"That's why he never told you."
"Then you shouldn't have told me! You should've just kept it a secret!"
She sat down again and her thoughts processed what was happening. If what Walter said was true, then she wasn't as independent as she thought she was. She didn't reach all her achievements through her talent alone. She was someone who was just handed help to rise. Did Kenzo think she wouldn't make it? Did he think she was hopeless and needed help? Did he think she wasn't good enough? She felt betrayed. She felt her boundaries crossed. She felt little. She felt like a failure and disappointment, and she was disappointed with Kenzo.
Walter sat at the edge of the long sofa near her and said softly, "I'm sorry, Sen. You know, he meant well. He loves to see you happy, that's why he did that. And he believed in you. He saw your talent, and he knew...well...I knew, too, that you'd be successful with or without his help."
Senthie sighed. "Right. Thanks for saying that."
He smiled at her and patted her back. "You know that mom, we, and I, love you, right?"
She snorted. "That, I don't believe. Simon is the only one who sees me as his sister." She shook her head and averted her gaze. "Mom doesn't care for me, just like Cindy. And you..." This time, she looked him in the eyes and scoffed. "You love to see me being miserable."
He shook his head. "You know that's not true."
"You know, too, that's not true. Why do I always feel like an outsider? You know how mom treats me. She won't support me in anything. She never gave me compliments, she never asked me how I'm doing, and she makes me feel like I wish I should've never been born. The only thing I could do is accept everything is normal. Accept that I only have myself. The only person I can lean on is myself. And that I should never depend my happiness on anyone else."
"I didn't know you feel that way. I'm sorry. I should've made an effort to understand you."
"Why would you when you don't even like me?"
"No, Sen. I like you. To be honest, you're my favorite among our siblings. I admire you for being you. You've been through hardships when uncle Narciso left. I knew you were bottling up your feelings inside, and you won't open up to any of us, that's why I kept bothering and teasing you, in that way, you can vent your frustrations to me. I love you, Sen. We love you, Rin." He smiled and then there were tears at the corner of his eyes.
Senthie tried her best to stay not bothered by what he said, but when Walter came closer and hugged her, she burst out crying. She hugged him back, her tears falling onto his shoulder. She heard him sniff and inhaled deeply as if trying to control his tears. He then pulled away and wiped Senthie's tears, it made her uncomfortable. "You know this is awkward, right?"
Walter stared at her teasingly and continued wiping her tears. She glared at him, he stopped, and then they laughed. Walter sat properly and cleared his throat, his face went stern. "About mom..." He sighed heavily. "...mom would never ask you directly how you are doing, but she always asks me about you. She wouldn't directly say her compliments to you, but she brags about you to our relatives and neighbors. She's very proud of you, Sen." He smiled "And FYI, She's the one who told me to live with you so that you won't feel lonely. She doesn't show it, but she loves you very much that even I sometimes get jealous."
Senthie cried even more, but quietly, she had mixed feelings, she felt hurt, happy, guilty, and confused. Why didn't they just show it? Why did it have to be all a misunderstanding? She wanted to ask, but the only word that left her mouth was, "why?"
He only smiled at her and shook his head. "I don't know. Only mom can answer that question."
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Hello, Noomiells!
Thank you for reading this chapter. Hope you liked it. :D
What can you say about Senthie's and Jimhuesh's dates?
How about Walter's revelation about his family and Kenzo?
I would like to know your opinion. Please, let me know! :D