CHAPTER 23
"You can't just wish to die like that?!" 
"It's not your fault. I'm happy you are living your life. And I didn't regret anything. Hope you don't end up like me, don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve everything."
The words I barely hear, her voice echoes like a morning wind. And last thing I saw, her smile as kind as she was. Roseanne.
Lights welcomes my eyes as I slowly opened it, revealing a white ceiling and a beeping of this familiar machine.
"Rachel" Followed by my mom's worried voice "How are you feeling dear?"
I tried to rise from my hospital bed, and flashing of memories flooding right before I lost my consciousness. 
"Rachel!" I was interrupted with Theo, he popped out of the door gasping. His eyes full of worries. 
"Theo ..." I whispered. 
He looked around, and stopped on my mom. It took him a moment until he turned back to me, he walked towards me. 
"What happened?" His eyes scanned me. 
"Who are you?" My mom asked. 
"Uhm ... Mom, it's Theo. Theo, my mom" Theo looked at mom, and the whole time I was trying to read his emotions. 
He ignored my mom, and proceed on asking me. "What did the doctor said? It's not that serious right?"
"Theo, I'm fine." I uttered. 
My mom suddenly cleared her throat trying to have our attention. Theo looks at her and back to me "I'll come back later. I'll visit you"
He immediately disappeared from our sight. 
"Who's that kid? Disrespectful! Did he just ignored me?"
I glared at my mom, "It will make sense mom after you know the reason."
"What reason?" 
Memories of what I learnt before I got into the accident slowly came back to me. My poor sisters. 
"Rachel? What reason?"
I avoided my mom's stare and slowly lay down "Nothing mom, I'll talk to you later. I wanna rest"
I don't know. I still a little bit blame Mom for what happened. I also blame myself but what Roseanne told me when I woke up. It did make me relieve a little. 
But I don't know how to tell Mom. I know she will get hurt, she will blame herself for the rest of her life. They were still her daughters, even after being separated. 
Two days passed, but no Theo came up. Mom is always around, catering my needs. I don't know for what reason but Mom has been zoning out lately. 
"Mom!" I called her. She stays quiet and didn't respond. "Mom!" 
And now she snapped, "W-Why?" 
"Is there a problem?" I asked with my brows scrunched. 
Her eyes shook, can't look straight at me. Weird as it was, I shrugged it off. 
But suddenly, my two days stay went to weeks and a half. My mom is not in her right mind these daya and I don't know why. 
"Mom!" I called her. 
Shw hurriedly went to me "Why? You need anything? Does you feel some pain somewhere?" 
With brows creased, confused. I asked her "Mom, what really is happening? It's weeks already and why am I still in the hospital? My injuries from the accident is already slowly healing and I'm totally okay now. So what?" 
My mom stared at me for a moment, her eyes speaks so many emotions. Fear, Regrets, Sadness and Mourning.
She just smiled to me "Nothing, I just want to make sure you're okay"
I shooked my head and turned on the TV. I was so into the series I was watching on the TV when I felt like my head is spinning. My sight is slowly blurring as the people on the TV is on repeat. Sounds of the TV echoing as if I am watching from a cave. 
"Mom" I uttered weakly, so weak I bet my mom didn't hear it. 
I tried calling her as she naps until it didn't take a moment that I lost my consciousness. 
"Rachel! Rachel!" My mom's voice echoes, her sobs in between her calls. 
I slowly tried to open my eyes but it was very hard, as if there's something heavy stopping it. 
"What will happen now Doctor?" My mom asked, shadows of sobs are still there. "My daughter is still young, I only have her left with me. I can't bare to lost another daughter."
My body was too weak to move but my mind, my ears heard it all. What does she means by that? Am I gonna die? From that accident? 
"I'm sorry Mrs, but she needs urgently surgery. The tumor in her head is slowly growing, and we can't let it grow. Due to the accident, her tumor was affected that makes her collapse every now and then. And it will be worsen if it will take us long. It needs to be immediate."
I was playing dead the whole time but hearing those words, I will like someone just stabs me multiple times that I can't breathe. 
Words I said before I got into the accident rang into my head. 
Did I die as well? That's better
I didn't know it will all happen, I didn't know my words was that strong for Him to make it happen. 
Is this my karma? Really? Do I deserve this? What's this? Slow death? 
I opened my eyes, and tears are racing to fell down my cheeks. My face was not facing where my mom and the walking doctor away. 
I bit my lips to stop myself from sobbing. 
Well if this is what I deserve, then be it. I will welcome it with warmth and open arms. 
I'm willing to hug my future and my life. 
I will just think I already serve my purpose in life. 
I can still see my sisters over there, and I'll be very happy. 
And my mom? I know someone will still love her unconditionally. 
And Theo ...
Thinking about him. What will happen to him? I can't bare to imagine him facing another person's death. 
"Mom" I softly called mom. 
"Yes honey?" My mom faked her smile and face me with a smile but it disappeared when she saw my tears. 
"I don't want any surgery" I uttered. 
Her jaw dropped, "You heard?" The tear she's been holding fell, "No sweety, don't hurry. You will be alright"
I shook my head. 
"I wanna see my sisters" My mom covered her mom as her sobs echoed in the room. "That's my only wish"
Mom shook her head not believing what she just heard. But no one can change my mind now. All of this. It all happen for a reason. And I'm to be that when someone goes, someone comes. I know my love ones will see and meet beautiful people.