𝗔𝘁 𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻.
I went to a college that is far from home. For some reason, I feel like I am running away from everything. My family, my friends, everyone. It was a harsh decision to make. I had a tough time trying to actually DO IT. It was my first time being away from home. I was terrified. I had no one here. I do not have any friends. I miss home already. I spent the first night of orientation crying in my sleep. Being away for the first time is scary. I never imagined it to be like this. I was beginning to doubt my decision. I was scared. I do not want to go to class. I don't know anybody. I hate it here. I want to disappear. I hate this place!
"𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼, 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗗𝗖𝗘𝟯 𝗶𝘀?"
A boy approached me as I stood there staring at him. He was my classmate. I knew it because he was going to the same class as me. I do not know where the class is, and I do not want him to talk to me. I told him I did not know, and we parted ways. I was lucky to find the class nearby. I hate it there. When I entered the class, all eyes were on me. I feel sick. My old self would be excited in this situation, but the new me felt so sick that I hated myself for getting their attention. There are only twelve girls in the class, including me. And the others are boys.
It was suffocating.
I was glad that I had made some new friends. I just hope that the first semester is going to be just fine. Or so I thought. I never thought that I would feel loved again until he came into my life. He was my classmate. The boy who approaches me on my first day in class. He was really nice, and his smile was also so cute.
His name was Sean Michaels.
He was tanned and his eyes were as big as the owls. Although it might sound scary, he is actually really cute. The first time he texted me, I was really confused and annoyed since I never really give my number to anyone other than the girls. So, it is weird how he actually gets my number. I did not really respond to his text at first, because I did not really feel the need to do it. But we started to become close after we got partnered up in a group project. He was really funny.
He makes me laugh.
It has been a while since I laughed like this. The reason we got closer is when this other boy in my class started to express his love for me very publicly. Adam. He makes me feel really uncomfortable. That was my first time getting that kind of "attraction". He scared me. After that, I rejected Adam, as he made me SO uncomfortable. He texts me every day, asking if I want to eat something and offering to buy it for me. I feel weird. I do not want that. I never ASKED him to do that. Although, he gets rejected. He never gives up. And the boys in the class also do not stop teasing me about him.They make it even more uncomfortable. I feel pathetic for him.
"𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺; 𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻."
Sean always told me that as he noticed what happened in the class. Whenever he saw me being annoyed, he just texted me, saying things that I wanted to hear. For some reason, he knew what I wanted to hear. He makes me feel giddy. I never thought that with texting, I would be smiling from ear to ear. I never imagined myself acting like that, but here I am. We text every day, and our conversation is getting longer and longer. He was there when I needed someone to lean on.
He cared for me.
I do not know how to define our relationship since he never really said that he liked me. But he did flirt with me every chance he got. I mean, does that make us more than just friends? I do not even text my best friends as much as I texted Sean. So, I wonder, what is our relationship? I do not want to know. I am afraid to ask.
What if it was just a friendly gesture?
What if he is doing that with someone else?
What if I am not the only one?
I was beginning to doubt, for the first time in a long time, I felt jealous. I am jealous. If I am not the only girl he talks to, I really am jealous of the others.
"𝗔𝗹𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗺𝗲, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁."
When he texted me those words, I was the happiest girl in the world. I was so happy, excited. It has been a while since I felt like this. Being in love with someone sure gives you the energy to survive the day. I felt that. I was in love with him. I really believed in happily ever after. I even imagined us getting married and living together until we were old.
Little did I know, I was being delusional.
Everything that I thought about him was actually the opposite. I never really cared about the fact that we always texted each other and did not really talk in real life. I was stupid. I honestly thought that he was not really good with words in real life, but in fact, It is the opposite. He treats the other girls the same way he treated me. The only difference was that he did that in real life while with me. Only in text messages.
I was dumfounded.