I lost myself when Yosef told me he wanted to break up. He was my world, my life. And now, he wanted to end everything. Just why? What did I do wrong? Please at least explain it to me. WHY? Why are you acting this way? Please don't hurt me. No matter how many times I begged him to stay, he won't not listen to anything that I say. He even told me to leave his house. Our promises, our vows, our ring. He tossed it as if we had no memories together. As if we just met yesterday. He tossed me away from his life like I was a pest.
WHY?
My worst nightmare really did come true. It hurts so much more than I imagined. It is suffocating, so painful. It feels like my heart has been stabbed a millionth time by a knife.
"𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲, 𝘀𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀."
It was easy for him to say that. Just like that? Was it that easy for him? I wanted to yell at him, to scream. But I cannot bring myself to do any of that. I feel like a part of me died when he said he did not love me anymore.
It hurts.
That was the first time I ever felt lifeless. How am I supposed to accept all this? That stupid excuse is not enough for an explanation. It will never be enough. I cannot do it. It is too much. Why are you doing this to me? It felt like my life had started to move slowly as time passed by. I was broken. I was numb. What hurts me the most is when my friend tells me that Yosef is getting married to THAT girl.
I was dumfounded.
He promised me the world, yet he was the one who ruined everything. And now he is getting married? To someone else? It freaking hurts so much that I do not know what else to say. He never says sorry, for what he had done, to me, to us. for our future. How can he get married to someone else when we have been together for two years? How can he do that so easily? How am I supposed to move on? I believed that he would be my future. I believe in him. I believe in his promises.
But It seems like I will never get my happily ever after.
Days turned into weeks, he updated his profile with his wedding photos. My tears wouldn't stop coming out when I saw it. I thought that I would be okay, that I would survive. But I cannot do it.
The memories, these feelings
How could he forget them so easily? How can he change so drastically? I hate this so much.
Bullshit.
Love is a shithole.
It is fucking stupid.
I was on the verge of killing myself. Yes, I thought about it. It was terrifying. Thinking back about it again, I am glad that I did not do it. I was losing myself. I hate everything. I wanted to disappear. He was my everything and now he is gone. I never really understood why, how he could change so easily. I was still in love with him the same way I did back when we started dating. How can he change? What happened? I wanted to ask him all that, but that shit is impossible. He is married to someone else now.
It is useless to cry.
It is not worth it.
I used to be stronger.
So why am I so weak now? Why is it so hard for me to forget about him? WHY?
Moving on was really hard. I was grateful to my family and friends for being there for me. It is painful, but it is the right thing to do. Yosef has someone else he loves now. And that person is not me.
I hate it so much.
I hate him.
No matter how long it takes, I will never recover from this pain. These painful memories make me numb. I lost everything. My feelings, my heart, my world. My broken heart cannot be fixed. It does not want to be healed. I was so used to crying that my tears had run out. I wanted to cry, but they won't come out anymore. I want to feel sad, but I just feel empty.
Nothing.
My feelings disappear along with him, on the day he died. He got into a car accident. He and his wife died along with their unborn baby. I was shocked when I heard about it. I was furious. He never even asks for an apology, and now he is dead? Just like that? Why does he keep doing that? It was so easy for him to run away from everything, even life, he is gone now.
He should be happy, being burned in hell.
I am glad. I am really glad that he is dead. At least I will be okay now. I will be fine. He is really gone. Dead. It would be easier to forget about him. He teaches me a lot of things. He made me realise a lot. He deserves everything. I cannot believe how "relieved" I am. I am finally free, from the memories that had been holding me back, from everything. When he died, my world started to crumble along with all the memories and promises he made. Being with him has made me the happiest girl in the world. He makes me feel complete. He made me feel loved but in the end, he was also the one who destroyed it all.
Yosef Mundo, may you burn in hell. He makes me realise that love does not last, that it was not real. He makes me hate everything, even the thought of love. It was all bullshit.
"𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻."