𝗔𝘁 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆-𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆.
What is love? I never fully understood the meaning of it. I have never really thought about it now since I don't think I will ever again fall for anyone. Being in a relationship is painful. When they leave, all the memories remain, especially the painful ones. They left scars that cannot be healed. It remains there forever, haunting you, so you will never forget how painful it was to lose someone. I stopped trying to "fall in love" a long time ago. I cannot handle being in a relationship. It is a hassle. It is too much. I am not ready for anything.
The commitments
Living together
Marriage.
I don't want to think about anything at all. I just wanted to be happy. There is no saying that says I need to be in a relationship to be happy. I am happy with who I am now. I am happy with my life. I was never alone. My family and friends are always there for me. Everyone cared so much for me. I could not ask for more. Well, a new friend would not be so bad...
I was transferred to a new company in the countryside. It was a long way home, but I did not mind it since I did not really have any reason to stay. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Being there was indeed the right thing I did.
"𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝗯𝗶𝗲! 𝗜'𝗺 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘁."
Finn Kaylan was my new coworker. He was a bright person. He always helped me when I needed someone the most. He was really weird and kind. I was comfortable being next to him. We were the same age. But he was a little bit childish. He loves to play games. He even played when we were still working. Still, he did his job really well. I was amazed at how well he handled all the stress at work and was still able to play games calmly. Being with him was exciting.
He always has something to talk about.
He was always teasing me about my love life. I still remember that time when he asked me whether I had a boyfriend or not. When I told him I had no one, he just laughed it off. I wondered why he did not believe me. He believes that I am dating someone and lied about it.
To be honest, I try not to fall for anyone. I do not want to experience "that" kind of love. I do not believe in happily ever after. I do not want to feel love.
"𝗜𝘁 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽."
Finn kept saying that to me as if he was jealous. I stopped telling him that I had no one since he still believes that I have someone. It was tiring to explain, so I just let him assume whatever he wanted. It was never nice to be in a relationship. You need to commit. You need to get bored easily and love one person forever.
It is too much work.
We have been spending too much time together after work. We went drinking, partying, and traveling. It was fun. It was exciting. Being with him was enjoyable. I was able to laugh and smile like I used to. For once, I was genuinely happy.
Finn was a great guy. I remember that one time we went traveling, both of us. People often mistook us as a couple. He would always deny it with a blushing face. It was funny and cute at the same time. I do not want to think about "being in a relationship" and I am really glad that he does not seem to "want more" from this. Although he did flirt with me sometimes. I found it really comforting. I have been to his house, and he did too. He introduced me to his family as his "close friend." I was confused, because sometimes I feel like we are more than friends. That one time when I went home for the holiday, he followed me back to meet my parents. He was really nice to everyone. We were great friends. Being with him makes me happy.
The title "friend" makes me happy. I never imagined that "friends" could be like this.
It is confusing sometimes when people say that we look like more than "just friends." I do not know how to say it. We are friends. Why is it so hard for people to believe that?
"𝗠𝘆 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴."
He was complaining as I wondered the same thing. If he does get married, will we be able to stay friends? Like this? It felt so unreal. We spent every day together. He drove me home. Sometimes, he sleeps over. It may sound weird for "friends" to do this, especially when we are not even the same gender. But it is not for us. Being with each other makes both of us equally happy.
"𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄, 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗱. 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴..."
When he said that, I could not help but burst out laughing. How can he still believe that I have someone when I have been with him every single day?
He really is something.