"You're an asshole!"
Hearing that made me feel scared of myself. Being in love with someone else doesn't work for me. Being in a relationship doesn't work for me. It's annoying. It's suffocating. I thought that being in love with someone would make me feel complete. But nothing really changes... I wonder how she can still be in love with someone who looks like he doesn't give her enough of everything.
It's troubling me.
I envied her for staying in love with that guy for so long, or so I thought. It was my first time seeing her cry. Her friends are not around and she was clutching to her phone as she sobbed slightly. I was shocked to see her like that. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I don't think that she would tell me even if I did do that.
We don't even know each other...
I stood there, hiding as I watched her tears fall down, she looks so sad and hurting. What's wrong? I wanted to ask, but I'm just a stranger to her. I could only watch her from afar, not being able to do anything. It's been days since I last saw her crying. What's even weirder is that she looks like nothing happened. I was confused. How could she change so easily?
What really happened?
"I feel sorry for her; her boyfriend got another girl pregnant and is now ghosting her."
I heard rumours going around about her. What the hell? I know that guy is up to no good but I can't believe how he would do that when he had someone who looked at him like he was her world. Despite all that, he decided to do that to her?
The audacity of this leech.
I don't understand why I was so angry. I don't really know her, but I am so pissed off at that guy for doing that to her. I never thought that I would be this... furious. How could she still act as if it doesn't hurt her?
I envied her.
At the same time, I wanted her to just break already, to stop hurting herself even more. Just what did she see in him? If I was her boyfriend, I would make her happy. I would never hurt her. I would never lie to her. If only... she sees me. For a moment, I was shocked at myself for thinking about that. She's been on my mind since that day, and still, I can't seem to erase her existence.
"Why can't you see me?"
I cared for you. I don't understand myself. Why did I say that? It's confusing to feel these kinds of emotions, I decided to ignore these uneasy feelings in my chest. I've been thinking about her too much that I forgot that we never even talked to each other. How could I even think about wanting to be with her when I myself don't understand what love should feel like?
Is it this feeling I'm having right now?
The jealousy of only wanting her to look at me. I was confused by all this.
What is love, actually?
What are these feelings that I'm experiencing?
If it's not love, then what is?
The day I saw her smile again was the day she decided to let go of him, I was there. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation. But it was hard to control myself. I wanted to know. Why? Why is she still talking to him when he hurt her to the point of losing herself in tears? What is the point of all those tears when she would forgive him that easily? It irritates me.
She makes me furious.
I was sure that they would get back together. I was so sure that she would take him back and smile at him the way she used to. I was so VERY sure that she was going to break her heart again, but no, he left her.
But despite all that, she was smiling.
I was shocked to see her smiling as she watched him walk away. Leaving her. I was dumfounded. Why were you smiling when he left you? Why are you happy? Why? I don't understand her at all. I hated the fact that I was thinking about her a lot. I don't want anything to do with her, yet, here I am.
"I like you."
And that was my second confession.
Being confessed to does make some feel somewhat superior. I felt like I had everything when they did that. It was fun. Being with other people keeps my mind away from her. Is it love? I don't know. I don't really understand what love is. For me, as long as it was fun, being with them was enough.
It was fun to lose some time.