I have been curious about him for a while now. And he does seem bothered by it. But for some reason, we got closer because of that. I seriously do not understand how, but at least he does not hate me... We started to become closer. It was cute. He is so cute. I mean, his laughs are so cute. The way he smiles or the way he speaks, I cannot believe that I used to bully him.
And for some reason, the boys in our class noticed that. And the teasing starts again. But this time, with Frederick. Somehow, this situation with him does not make me feel... embarrassed. Or the way I did when they teased me about Ryan. It was fun, actually. And I do not really mind the teasing. He does not mind it at all either. That was a surprise to me. Frederick makes me feel comfortable. Being close to him was relieving. He really is a nice person.
"𝗦𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄."
It was the first time he said that to me. In the class, in front of everyone. Smiling. I cannot believe he really did that. Oh my goodness, it was so cute. Since that day, the teasing has increased, but I do not really mind it since he does not either. I feel like we were both secretly comforting each other in an unusual way that I cannot seem to explain very well. One thing is for sure: he makes me forget about Ryan.
A part of me felt bad since I felt like I was using him for my own good. I feel sick for doing that to a boy as sweet as him. He does not deserve to be treated like that, especially by someone like me. Every day, every single day. We exchanged greetings. I never forgot to bid him goodbye when we left school. And he was always smiling. I do not know how to explain it, but he was SO obvious. He was showing everyone that he liked me. It makes me feel "superior." I feel like I achieved something. But it kind of does not feel right.
"𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄, 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗼 𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗲."
I do not know how to explain my feelings when he said that. It was embarrassing, yes. But there is also this feeling that I do not know how to explain... For some reason, we have been spending A LOT of time. TOGETHER. We even went to eat lunch together. Going home together, doing homework together. I am really grateful to him indeed, since my grades have improved so much since he helped me with the subjects at which I am not really good. He was really good at teaching. I could tell that he would be a great teacher one day.
And we have been texting each other a lot.
I was surprised at first when he "flirted" with me. I mean, OH MY GOODNESS HE WAS SO CUTE I COULD DIE . I never imagined that he would be this cute.
He was so good to me.
He was everything that I ever wanted.
I might fall for him if he keeps being this nice to me.
"𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗻 𝗙𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹?"
I actually do not know how to respond to that. Since it has been A WHILE since I last went on a date, Wait... It is a date, right? I wonder about that. But since it is just the two of us, It is a date, right? So yes, I went on my first date in a while. It was really fun. He was such a gentleman that I can't believe I didn't know him before.
He makes me forget about everything else.
He makes me smile.
He makes me happy.
He made me scared.
I am terrified that this feeling I feel for him is different from what he "feels" for me. I am afraid that I will not be able to "match" his expectations. He was so good to me. I feel scared that I might get attached to these feelings. I am afraid that if I stayed, I will not be able to let go. These thoughts have been bothering me for a while now. I feel sickened by it.
Being with Frederick makes me happy. He makes me laugh. And he opened up to me. For some reason, he does not act like he hates being touched by girls when he is with me. He seems like he likes skin ship in my perspective after being close to him for quite some time now.
Still, I wondered, what is our relationship?
He never really did say that he liked me, nor did I. So, I wondered if he even like me? I cannot really tell if he is aware of the people around us calling us a couple. One thing that surprised me the most was when a teacher approached me saying congratulations for being Frederick's girlfriend and the daughter-in-law of Sir Sebastian, Frederick's dad. I was shocked to hear that since I myself never knew a single thing about that rumor.
And for some reason, Sir Sebastian has been really nice to me in class. I was really confused about what was happening around me.