Shanaia tries to keep us silent as Kael tries to catch our attention. We start to eat as we all talk about the club and how should we assign our parts. Our whole lunch break was filled with laughter and enjoyment. We were talking like childhood friends. I don't know if the seats we're sitting is a final one because when Darren and Sid haven't entered as members, the seating arrangement was always the same even though we didn't even arangged them. It's me and Sid beside each other. The other corners, there's Shanaia in my right side and Darren in Cedric's left side. Beside Shai is Rei, beside Darren is Leo. The one who sits alone infront of Sid and I is Kael.
As everyone is talking and laughing at Kael's joke, I take a look at all of them. It feels new to have people together with you, eating lunch together and have the best time to laugh about something. I sigh and smile. For the rest of my life, I didn't have anything like this.
My smile suddenly fades when I thought about it again. It's been a while since I thought about my past. Tori brought it up earlier so maybe this was because of her words.
"Even if you do, they will never appreciate you."
Yeah, right. Here it goes again. My mind starts to fly back to the memories at home. And it will probably be the first time I'll think about it again. I ran away from home when I started my 3rd year in highscool. It's that time where I went to a dorm and I met Raven for the first time. I always called her that because it is her first name but then when I accidentally called her Rei, she started to love the nickname. Since then, she always introduce herself with that name. She's my first friend. I never had friends when I was still in my hometown. My parents didn't allow me to have one. Everything I'm experiencing since I left them is all very new to me. Especially now, I only have Rei and then because of work, I have Kael and Shai. I didn't expect to be friends with them like this. And now, there's Leo, Darren, and Sid.
After thinking of his name, I turn to look at him. He's laughing with the others but when he notices my stares, he looks back. He asks why and when I realized that I really have nothing to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, uhm.. It's nothing. I thought someone called me.." It's a lie of course.
"Yvaine.."
I look away to see if the others saw us but they are just laughing at Kael's story that I did not pay attention to. I blend in the conversation and start to laugh when I feel hot liquid from my eyes. What the hell is wrong with me right now. I see Darren wiping his tears because he's been laughing too much. So I did the same. But when my tears didn't stop, I stood up before my face shows any signs of wrong feelings. I told them that, because of Kael, the comfort room is calling me. They understood it and let me leave while still recovering after laughing.
While in the comfort room, I didn't let my tears and feelings go further. I wash my face with water and stare at the mirror, heavily sighing. I shouldn't be thinking about this. I shouldn't let it bother me. I'm okay now. I just need to prove them wrong about everything they've done to let me down instead of bringing me up. It's been the first and last reason why I decided to leave them. I can count the number of visits within each year and each year I don't reach a total of 5 visits. I wanted to atleast prove something to them. But even after all of my decisions, I'm still afraid that this, what I'm doing, will disappoint them more.
I take deep breaths before going out. Once I opened the door, I see Sid from across, leaning against the wall with his hands inside his pockets. As soon as he sees me, he takes steps towards my direction.
"Hey," he says. I just gave him a smile before walking. He soon follows. We are silent as we walk through the hallways. But he broke the silence.
"You weren't listening a while ago, right?" I stare at him, confused. A while ago? Did he said something that I didn't pay attention to?
"It was Leo who made the rest laugh like crazy.. not Kael."
My heartbeat paused for a second. I remembered mentioning Kael for joking around and used it as an excuse for me to go to the comfort room. I puff my cheeks and calm myself before talking.
"I'm sorry, I just.." Nevermind. I really have nothing to say. And because of that, he suddenly puts an arm accross my shoulders. Does he knows about personal space? He didn't seem to have a plan on taking his arm off so I just let it be.
"You know what. It's not even a serious case, I was just thinking of something to say so we could talk," he says while chuckling. "You don't need to say sorry all the time.."
I just stare at the floor while we continue to walk slowly. Sorry.. I'm used to say that. I removed his arm when students starts to show up in the hallway.
"It might be weird when I say it but.. You have great friends, Vein. I don't know if you notice this but I think everybody does. Everyone notices that you're trying new things.." I don't know if he's still saying this to have a conversation with me or if he's saying this on purpose. But then I just realized what he said. Of course, I am trying new things.. But having new unexpected friends wasn't in my idea. It just happened and I'm happy to be able to experience having some.
"It's your life. You get to choose what you want to do and what you don't want to do." I stop right before we reach the cafeteria's entrance. I look at him to think about what he's saying. This is not about me not paying attention to Leo's story anymore. I just realized everything Sid has said which made me confused. If there's anybody who knows about my problems, it's Rei. And probably Tori.
"What are we talking about again?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
I get that everybody here at school knows the few things I do here. I study, I get to the top, I only have one friend, I don't do school organizations. I just stay in class. And I also know they're looking at how I'm changing and being new. But Sid's last sentence bothered me.. It's like he knows what I'm going through.
When he doesn't give me an answer, I speak again. "You know what? Let's just go."
He was about to say something when I hesitate to grab the string of his hood to make him follow me towards our table. The glimpse of him smiling after that stays in my head.
I see Tori and her friends from afar, glaring at my direction. But I choose not to let her bother me and look at our table where everybody still has smiles on their faces. He's right. Sid's right. Even if it's still confusing that he somehow knows what I'm thinking, what he said was pretty much true. I should be happy enough to have this group. It's just the start.. anything could happen. My parents are not here to judge me.
And because I was just staring at our table from a distance, Sid from the back walks infront of me. It's like he's trying to be in my view. Right. It's another start with him. I didn't imagine that the guy who's always in the flower shop, the guy who left a paper rose at the counter, the guy who works at the same coffee shop as my friend, and the guy who sits and hum random songs in a corner of a library is going to be a club mate for a while.
He suddenly smiles and shows a peace sign infront me while I can still see the others on our table. I smile at him. It's like he's showing me that I have friends. He's cheering me up..