Life isn't as bad as it seems, but I can tell you one thing… it will knock you out before you even say "cheers" Damn, such a bitch.
I looked at Pascal, but he was gone, I could tell. There was no chance of getting him back, the girl had him, she had all of him, even his human sympathy?
"Pascal?" I asked, in a low, defeated tone.
"I asked you a question, girl, who are you and what are you doing here by this time?" She asked, with a threatening face.
I was angered, she reminded me of my mother, and her fearful gaze, and I was sure as hell not going to tolerate shit from this shit head, I wasn't going to entertain that kind of gaze anymore.
It had left a scratch in my life, and it was just as painful as having salt touch your wound.
I looked at the girl and thought for a minute if I was going to talk to her or not.
But telling her that he was my boyfriend wasn't going to help matters at all, it would be disastrous, but was I going to lose Pascal as well? No, that can't be.
"he's my boyfriend" I said confidently, with a sniff, and looked at her face to face, waiting for what she would do next.
Pascal looked at me like I had gone insane, most of all his face yelled unbelievable! I should have told him that before, even If I wasn't serious.
"Arianne—" he said
"Please Pascal, don't leave me, I'm sorry for not saying—"
"Arianne, damn it. Listen to me…"
"We don't have any space here for anyone else. Get your stinking ass off here or I will call the cops and make sure you spend quality time in jail" she scoffed, and barged inside.
"You have to go…" he said regrettably. I couldn't believe he said that. How come everyone was just pushing me away like I was nothing in the first place?
Was it my turn to be pushed away? It was just love! But this was a matter of life and death! Why was karma doing that to me? But was it karma? Because I was damn innocent!
"No, no, no, you're not letting me go, are you?" I stammered, letting those rivers flow again from my eyes.
He held back his tears just not to displease his girlfriend. It seemed like he had no say in whether I stayed or not.
"I'm… I'm terribly sorry Arianne, you have to find a way, you have to please" he said sadly.
"Stop saying that! Stop saying that!!..." I yelled at him sorrowfully, for the first time. "You're not getting it Pascal, I have nowhere else to go, I don't know anywhere! I have no way to find…" I cried.
his girlfriend came out with a phone in her hand, looking at me like I was a murderer, who was about to be snatched by the cruel hands of the cops
"The cops are coming, you can stay there, I'll be glad to visit you in jail for a few years." She scoffed.
"Pascal… Pascal, please you can't do this to me, i—" I cried, helplessly
"Just go Arianne, Just go, please!" he threw his hands down and on his head, pancing around the corner.
"Leave!" She yelled, and shut the door.
I was shocked to my bones, disappointed, speechless and in pain.
"Did Pascal just push me away as well?" I murmured to myself, with my head dropped down to earth.
I had no other option but to go. I looked around and it was dark, except, gracefully, the torch of the moon.
I checked my phone and it was already 8pm. he didn't even consider it was too late for me to hover around the streets, but well, I just became officially homeless.
I haven't eaten since the afternoon, and I was already tired, of even crying. I had to make a move, I had to go. If one gets rejected by the world, they shouldn't reject themselves, any way is a way, survival must be achieved.
I felt my pocket to see if I still had the money on me, I did. I had at least $400 remaining. I had to save it, even though I was starving. But it wasn't something new though, so I could go with it.
I will need it more tomorrow. I was going to run away from Matt as far as possible.
****
I traced my way back to the train station, which took about 20 minutes of the night's time. I didn't see any taxis nearby, and I wasn't going to waste any time waiting and looking for one.
I took the last train back, where was I going to go? I had to let the morning spirit of the next new day decide.
I went back to our house, it reminded me of mother and Pascal. I cried at the fact that I wasn't going to be with them again, or even see them, because they wouldn't want to see me again, and I didn't think I could stand seeing them again, after abandoning and rejecting me.
It dawned on me that I had lost everything, and everyone.
I clicked my phone, and the battery was low, I sighed and started going through my contacts and messages, then I remembered Halen
"Should I call her?..." I asked myself. "But what was I going to tell his?" Then I realized that I was stupid, She was on the run herself and had left me alone, there was no way she would get connected.
Thinking of it only made me more emotional and sad, and tears flowed effortlessly, let it flow, let it touch mother earth, maybe she would be the one to have sympathy for me.
I could feel the world falling down on me, I could feel the earth swallowing my soul. I just lost Pascal, maybe if I had sin, if I had done the bad thing of getting in an intimate relationship with my cousin, maybe I would still have someone to hold on to.
I was righteous, was it not enough? Where was my reward for not letting in those temptations? Or was it all in vain? See what upholding my virtue, dignity and moral caused me? See how it let my life be? Or was it preparing me for something? You all believe that shit?

I used my bag to cover my face as I rested, leaning against the fence, and let the winds of the night guide my spirit down to the other world.
****
The buzzing sound of the morning train, cars and the once again getting busy street pierced through my ears and had me pushing away the bag that covered my face, and the tender morning sun peeped into my eyes with a sting, my eyes hurt, probably from crying.
The howling wind carried weightless pieces around. I tried to stand up but there was no Strength. I touched my pocket again, and was glad that the money was still there. I just had to get something to eat. But where and how was I going to get the strength to stand and buy something? Although there was a mini grocery store nearby, it would take me crossing two mare roads, and going through different pathways. Yes, that was enough strength.
Not that I had any other option anyways. I puhed myself up just to hit my leg on a stone. I winced in pain and bent down to touch my leg and saw a sealed brown file laying beside me.
Although curious as to know what it was, what my mind concluded on was it could be the house paper or just some legal shit. I was right, some legal shit.
If it was something valuable why would they leave it here? Why would someone even drop a valuable file? I removed my eyes from it to concentrate on my leg, but it hit me again, what if it was a valuable file?
I picked it up and tore the envelope. It wasn't just one paper inside of it, they were about three, that was similar to the first printed paper.
The heading read Adoption Agreement . It couldn't be ours, I thought, maybe someone had dropped the file carelessly and the wind brought it around.
Pascal wasn't adopted to start with, I knew he was my cousin. So who was it talking about?
I couldn't let my eyes read the legal terms, it was overwhelming to my brain and I couldn't understand a thing.
I moved down to the bottom of the paper and saw mother's signature. It must be pretty important, but I took on the next paper and saw Pascal's name.
I couldn't understand all the legal terms and phrases therein, but what i didn't have to read more than two times and understand was the line that said Pascal was adopted by mother's late sister.
Was it my head playing tricks on me? Oh my! Damn it, I need to get something to eat as soon as possible. If not I would lose my head and might go crazy as well.
I shook my head and let the file fall down. I swear, I felt like fainting. I burned in anger at mother, how could she keep such a thing from me!?
I checked the next paper, it was an agreement to make Pascal a cousin to me, until I was at least 22 years of age. Pascal wasn't even my cousin, he wasn't related to me in any way.
I slid off the paper, trying to catch my breath, my head was turning, and my heart was beating off my chest, my whole system was failing me.