"I swear I never did drugs… What are you even talking about? You are going to die?" I gasped. So God or Jesus is going to die? What the fuck was happening?
"Am I not old enough to die?" He asked.
A lady walked past us, her eyes fixed at me, and I wondered if Angels had descended to earth as well. She looked at me like I was a mad woman though, how could an Angel look at me like that?
The old man started walking away from me. And I had to stop him, I wasn't done with talking to God, why was he leaving?
"Hey! Are you really leaving?..."
He looked back at me and giggled "oh, you have made my day, young girl, I'll tell my grandchildren about you" and again, another parable.
Someone walked past me again, staring pitifully which became increasingly disturbing.
"Can you see me?" I asked him.
"You see, way too many drugs" he said,. shaking his head.
He walked up to the next train taking passengers and laughed at me.
"I know your tactics. You want me to give you money, go work for money! Stop begging, you're too young to be begging, go back home!" He snarled, and the door opened with him ushering himself in.
Was God mocking me? He knew too well more than any other person that I had no home and nowhere else to go. So, God was rejecting me as well? Sweet.
"Is that the flight you are trying to catch!? Haha, look , who's taking way too many drugs mtcheew"
I sighed, and turned to my right to see many eyes, young and old staring at me.
"How many Angels are even on earth? Or are you all ghosts?"
Heads were shaking in pity while some eyed me and went their way. A small boy with a lollipop came closer to me, his mother was terrified.
He smiled and handed me the lollipop. I took it with a puzzled mind. What was happening?
"I hope you get better soon!" He said, and rushed back to his mom. Leaving her and other people in awe.
"Huh?" I exclaimed. He giggled while looking at my short, which made me look down at myself.
Damn, I wasn't wearing my shirt, I only had a bra on, and my short was so dirty. My bag hung over my back, and my miserable self was a misery.
I looked at the corner where I had slept, and saw my shirt and trouser laying on the ground. And I remembered that I had removed them in the middle of the night to chase away little flies.
So, all these while, I have been acting like a ghost, I have been high on drugs, stinking, half naked, and looked over all terrible. No, I wasn't dead!
"Oh damn. What an epitome of embarrassment"
****
I mean, anyone could get so crazy right? Not like I was the only one in the whole world that was going hella crazy, but well, I think mine was a little too much. Damn it.
At least, I wasn't dead, I still had a life to live. I was getting settled in, and remembering what just happened made me laugh, maybe it was really God's answer, I got lightened up each time I remembered the scene, I was getting back to being a human being.
I walked out of the train station with a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. And with pride, pride because I was still alive, and breathing well.
But do you know that people while I was walking down the streets thought I was crazy? Because of how I kept giggling, but I never cared anyways. Only if they knew what being alive felt like to me.
I knew I had become a homeless young woman, so finding a better corner to rest my head became my next goal.
With my bag hung over my back, my shirt laying over my shoulder, my dirty short, and my "it-was-white" canvas, I did look like the modern mad woman, and it reminded me of being a kid, and once more in my life, I started feeling like a kid, and I can assure you of one thing; it was a great experience.
I walked over to a street and sighted a burger stand at the corner of the street, which wasn't too busy, only had a few cars that were going about, and more than a dozen parked at the parking lot which was in front of a big coffee shop. A fire hydrant was situated in the field across, and a traffic light which had more than a couple of cars halting at the red light notice, and I crossed, following the Pedestrian walk, while their eyes were fixed on me until the green light surfaced. and the seller looked at me like I was looking for a handout or something.
But I surprised her when I reached for my pocket and stuffed out some dollar bills. I handed her over $50, and stuffed back over $300 inside my pocket, feeling rich.
Still, I was like a crazy ass girl that had lost her way, to her. I didn't blame her anyways, wasn't I lost? Haha.
She gave me about five quarter pounder with cheese meal, and about three 2 cheese burgers meal, and I put the remaining inside my bag. I took a big hungry bite in front of her and nodded my head, driven by a savory recipe.
I gave her a thumb up, and she forced out a smile, while I went my way with a busy mouth, and a burger in my hand.
Before a full hour was gone, I was back at the train station which I took to Pascal's. And I remembered Pascal.
And once again, I started feeling guilty, overwhelmed, sad and depressed. It was clear to me that happiness would only come once in a while.
I spent hours thinking about him. Would he forgive me for killing him and his boyfriend? And what if he doesn't? Then my life was sure to be hell.
Without knowing it, I took the next train going to his side, I didn't know what I was going there to do, but I thought, maybe saying farewell in the front of their house and where I had killed them, would appease their spirit a bit; I was going to ask for forgiveness, if their spirit was roaming.
I made sure the area was clear, and no one was around, especially the man who saw me there before.
I got to a corner, just across their house to see if there was anyone around, and there really was; to my greatest surprise and relief, I saw Pascal and his girlfriend coming down from a cab… it seemed like they were coming back from the hospital, Pascal's cheek were still red and evidently sick. It was where I had hit him, I felt sorry for him, and hated myself for hitting him.
His girlfriend had a bandage on her head and another one that spread from her shoulder down to her elbow. I know I did break a few bones.
Even with the pain, they looked happy, at least they were alive, so why shouldn't they?
"Pascal, I'm sorry, I hope you forgive me" I muttered to myself.
I had to accept the fact that I was alone, and needed to find my own way, but I wasn't going to stay in the same city, it wasn't even my place of birth to start with, I was just a sojourner. And my time to go away had come.
I left the vicinity,into the street where I got into a cab and went straight to the train station.
The last train that afternoon was heading out of the city. It was heading to Los Angeles.
I remembered what a friend said about Los Angeles, it was an expensive city. I thought, maybe, it would be the right place for me, or I could die a peaceful death in an expensive city.
So, I took the train going to Los Angeles that afternoon, with an empty pocket, just $300, a mind full of dreams, and a bag full of burgers.